jealousy over grandma from 9 year old

[sya1309]

hello,

my 9 year old daughter is jealous of her grandma- my mum- and this is the main reason why they don't really have a relationship. my mum lives abroad and came to visit for 3 months - living with us and she has gone back for one week and is coming back for another 3 months as my husband is in hospital and this will help me so | can go back to work etc...
my daughter is always comparing how much time I spend with my mum and how much time I spend with her and no matter what I do it always seems to her that I am always spending time with my mum. What it actually is is that I am always doing something that needs to be done and then i am tired so i don't spend that much time with my daughter but i dont spend any more time with my mum either.
i try to encourage my daughter to be positive and enthusiastic about the times we all spend together but i also make sure she has time just with me. but all she seems to remember is the time i went for a walk with our dog and my mum - but she doesnt remember that she didnt want to come because it is boring...

how do i get through to her that there is no need to be jealous and on top of everything else jealous of her own grandma...

my daughter is an only child and was jealous when we first got some small pet gerbils - when we used to watch them and spend time with them she though we love them more than her.
we got a dog 5 months ago and there was the same problem, she was jealous of the dog because of the time i spend walking the dog etc, praising at the begining whilst training, she only recently accepted the dog and actually enjoys having her now even though she doesnt really want to go for walks still.

my husband has only been in hospital for 2 weeks and will probably stay there for another 4 weeks so the jealousy problem has nothing to do with it.

has anybody got any ideas that could help, please?

[RockRose]

This sounds like a much bigger family dynamic problem than this one little child.

Is this child your late husband's biological grandchild,  and your daughter has always held resentments toward your marriage and his family?

I don't know that there is much you can do at this point.  

[vicki72]

I am raising my 6 yr old gradaughter,have had her for 5 yrs, my daughter that is 42 yrs old disowned me today because she is so jelous of the 6 yr old.What to do?

[RockRose]

sya,  I agree with Annie.  This is really a very unusual family dynamic.  The jealousy of the grandma sounds curious enough,  but the jealousy of the gerbils and dog really point to a problem somewhere.  

I wonder what her relationships are like with her girlfriends.  Does she have the same jealousy problem there?

It sounds like family therapy would be the way to go - so the therapist can watch the interactions between you,  your husband,  and your daughter.  

Best wishes.

[AnnieBrooke]

Given that she seems to have this behavior whenever some new living thing arrives, it might be a good idea to consult with a therapist about the issue.  It's better to nip insecurities in the bud than to let them go on and on and become a lifelong problem for her.  If she was in fact jealous of gerbils, that is worth asking a children's therapist about.