attitude of no gratitude

[diday]

My 8 year old daughter has no sense of appreciation, the more she gets the more she demands. It is creating a negative atmosphere in the family and every time we plan on a fun family activity she is sure to ruin the fun part by being demanding and never satisfied. Last week we planned a surprise for the girls ( herself and my younger - 6 yrs) it was a brief vacation where we stayed in a hotel for one night and had a complete plan for the next day; she loved the surprise and was thrilled by the idea until she found out that we are staying for one night ONLY. So she switched from calling us the bestest parents ever to the meanest and unfair. She threw a fit of course with tears and what not and amidst the crying she mentioned that she is going to kill herself ... a very disturbing declaration on her behalf that kept my husband and I shocked.  Since our life revolves around our daughters and we do more than we can to please them. How can I stop her from being a spoiled brat and be a little more appreciative and happy with what she gets, not always focusing on what she does not have instead.  please help!

[onabug_09]

I don't know but, when you figure it out please let me know. Because I have the same problem with my daughter who is fixing to be 8 in less than 2 weeks. The more I give her the more she wants. I know that is probably human nature in this day and age but, I mean there has to come a point where they actually sit back and go WOW my Mom and Dad do all this for me because they want to and they can. They love me so much that they want to do for me.

I am thinking that my little girl is fixing to get a big dose of reality. I am thinking that she isn't going to be getting anything for a while. Actually I know it probably sounds a little mean and maybe not right but, I am thinking I may not get her any presents for her birthday let her go to the park and spend time with her friends, have a cake, but, no one is to bring a present. Make it about friends and family, laughter, and all instead of what did you get for me.

Tell me please what you think of that idea....

[imanaddict]

Maybe try not giving her so much and letting her see what it's like to not be the center of attention. Do you discipline her when she acts out? Maybe taking something away that she likes temporarily (or even permanently if need be) when she acts out. I don't know what all you have tried, but it sounds as if she thinks she is in control and using threats to get what she wants, which is unacceptable behavior. If it keeps up, your other daughter will see that her sister gets away with it, and might start doing the same thing. The faster you nip this in the bud, the better. It's okay to tell your daughter "No" and don't give in to her demands, and discipline her when she does. And remember consistency is the key to discipline! I hope this helps and I wish you luck!

[vchosey]

The 8 yr. old no appreciation describes my daughter exactly.  She will be 8 in February.
She is excited about something new for all of about 10 minutes and then it's, "What ELSE did you get me?' And if she can't have what she wants, then it's, "YOU NEVER GET ME ANYTHING, you're mean, and on and on.......so tiresome.

[Lonelymom]

Wish I could help you but my children only get presents for their bday and christmas. They are always in need of clothes or some kind of school supplies so they don't get toys very often. I am not ashamed to admit that because they do cherish the things they do get and they take care of their toys.

Maybe stop getting her things other than christmas and bdays and then limit what she gets. Make her work for toys or allowiance so she is taught that working hard gets her what she wants not that she is given what she wants.

[RockRose]

I think this is a brain chemical thing.  My youngest son,  who is now 14,  used to have chemical mood changes - he may still but he's matured out of expressing them.   When his joy was at it's zenith,  as they say,  he'd often suddenly crash.  Instead of lashing out he'd usually kind of crumble in a sad ball and say oh I lost that feeling.    When we go to the beach,  he would talk about the "beach feeling" that he gets and it's a euphoria - and he'd say "I haven't gotten that beach feeling yet"  "When will I get that beach feeling".

We used to say,  when he crumbled,  that he was "broken".  Oh no,  John's broken again.  It would take about 20 minutes to "unbreak".

I'm sure it was brain chemistry.  There was something that happened to him when he got really excited that caused sadness to come over him if one little teeny thing went wrong.  And he's not at ALL an ungrateful child - he's VERY grateful,  the joy would just switch to sadness and disappointment.

We'd say, I'm sorry you're broken,  why don't you go sit in the other room until you feel a little better.  At least then we didn't all have to suffer through his brokenness!

Best wishes.

[Ravare]

Maybe limit how much she gets. Like one of the posters above, when me and my brother were younger, we didnt get much. We got school clothes and supplies and maybe a toy here and there. Our parents didnt have much money and even when they did, they didnt splurge it on us, they saved it. We got maybe one or two things for xmas and bdays.

My point is, when we were given less, we appreciated what we got more. I dont know if it will be as effective if your daughter is conditioned to expect more, but limiting what she gets to necessities only and giving her gifts only when it is really deserving (not just because its time for her to get something new) that may help.

[BobbieGail]

Our kids are getting an attitude of entitelment since as parents we have so much to offer them. I would say that next time she acts like  a spoiled----------- find a relative to leave her with and go on a fun trip without her,cruel no just a reality check. Good luck.

[margypops]

Dont feed into it, when she throws a tantrum ignore her, if you give her attention she has learned that bahaving badly she gets more attention, so back off and let her demand , less words .