Aa
15 wks.. considering a break-up
hey girls. I just wanted to come and ask for some advice. My boyfriend blows up all the time. When I accidently do something.. like yell in his ear on accident.. or fall on him cuz I'm off balance. He gets so mad and freaks out. Or if Im moody he is WORSE. Sometimes its a competition who can slap the door harder. He tells me I "can do a better job at handeling my hormones" but he is the one who throws things and yells and I always end up in a ball locked in the bathroom sobbing..
In all, he is treating me with the same expectations he had when I wasnt pregnant. He just doesnt get it! I can't help being clumpsy and falling on him sometimes.. or being moody. I love him and I just want him to be sweet. I am trying my hardest to walk on eggshells around him but I wish he would just be loving and not so harsh on me. I get really scared sometimes, he gets so frustrated at me. I feel like he hates me.
I want to stay with him.. but I dont know
has anyone dealt with anything like this?
any suggestions on what to do.. I know the stress is bad for the little one
In all, he is treating me with the same expectations he had when I wasnt pregnant. He just doesnt get it! I can't help being clumpsy and falling on him sometimes.. or being moody. I love him and I just want him to be sweet. I am trying my hardest to walk on eggshells around him but I wish he would just be loving and not so harsh on me. I get really scared sometimes, he gets so frustrated at me. I feel like he hates me.
I want to stay with him.. but I dont know
has anyone dealt with anything like this?
any suggestions on what to do.. I know the stress is bad for the little one
Hi. With my first pregnancy my husband and I were not yet married and it was totally unexpected. My husband suffers from bipolar disorder. My pregnancy was totally misarable for the same reasons you are not able to enjoy yours now. A lot of it (even though I know it is no excuse) was the fears he had in becoming a father. He didn't have the greatest father and was very nervous about it. He also wasn't sure he wanted a baby (a little late to be thinking about that.) I finally got to the point where I kicked him out and that was kind of like his wake up call that his behavior was unexceptable and unfair to me. Things got better from there, and when he saw his daughter and I saw him crying I knew that giving him another chance was worth it. Now we have been married for three years and he is being beyond wonderful to me during this pregnancy. I understand what you are going through and wish you the best of luck that pointing out his unexceptable behavior will help. No matter what happens enjoy this pregnancy as much as possible!
Well I hope things workout the way you want them to but if not then I agree with the other ladies you should leave him! Good luck let us know how things go.
You sound like a very well grounded and logical person.....Perhaps the letter will make him realize what he may lose if he doesn't change his ways......Please let us know how things turn out......I'll be thinking of you
Im writing a letter. I will give it to him tonight. I hope he will change. Other wise I will have to leave. I would like to start enjoying myself.. with or without him.
Me and my boyfriend went through some of the same stuff when I first found out I was pregnant. We were both moody and stressed and often got into huge screaming matches and I'd end up in the bathroom crying as well.
Eventually after many intense conversations, we're both more patient with eachother now, and havent argued in awhile.
The stress is bad though. Especially now. You're 15 weeks and your little one is just starting to hear. Do you want the first sounds he hears to be mommy and daddy screaming???
First off, if he is hitting you in anyway.....leave. All it takes is one push or shove out of anger and you could hurt your baby.
Has he ALWAYS been like this? Even before you were preggo? What are the chances of him changing?
If you don't think he can......you can't go through this your whole pregnancy, and mostly, your child shouldn't be exposed to it after it's born.
Talk to him when you're both calm. Or write him a letter.
You're pregnant. This should be one of the happiest experiances of your life. You should be able to be excited and talk about the baby together. This is a time for you 2 to get closer to eachother. Explain that to him.
Perhaps he's just stressed and You'll be able to fix things.
But if not, you need to do whats best for your child.
Remember, That baby inside you is listening to everything going on, and feels every emotion you go through.
I hope you can make a decision that is best for you and your child. Good luck.
Eventually after many intense conversations, we're both more patient with eachother now, and havent argued in awhile.
The stress is bad though. Especially now. You're 15 weeks and your little one is just starting to hear. Do you want the first sounds he hears to be mommy and daddy screaming???
First off, if he is hitting you in anyway.....leave. All it takes is one push or shove out of anger and you could hurt your baby.
Has he ALWAYS been like this? Even before you were preggo? What are the chances of him changing?
If you don't think he can......you can't go through this your whole pregnancy, and mostly, your child shouldn't be exposed to it after it's born.
Talk to him when you're both calm. Or write him a letter.
You're pregnant. This should be one of the happiest experiances of your life. You should be able to be excited and talk about the baby together. This is a time for you 2 to get closer to eachother. Explain that to him.
Perhaps he's just stressed and You'll be able to fix things.
But if not, you need to do whats best for your child.
Remember, That baby inside you is listening to everything going on, and feels every emotion you go through.
I hope you can make a decision that is best for you and your child. Good luck.
just read your second post...apologizing after the fact is text book abusive behviour. Also, i know you're stressed and you want to make it work and try and change him...however as nice as that would be, it's very difficult to change someone else. only your BF can change himself and to do that, he needs to understand why he's acting the way he is. I have worked with many abused women and for many of them, the abuse begins when they become pregnant, in part, because their partners become jealous that they now have another life that they prioritize above all others. Though that explanation is a very simplistic one and it certainly doesn't rationalize why some people become batterers.
Why don't you try this.... Tell him how you feel... Tell him that it's just about him or you anymore.. That you two have a child coming.. And that his behavior toward you, the throwing things and such it scares you.. And ask him why he does it..... If he get's mad at you for that, then hon i hate to say it but it's not worth trying to fix because he'll only get worse.. And besides, him getting upset like you said and then apologizing, those are signs that abusers use... They use that as they're control because they know as long as they keep saying those things, you'll forgive them... Believe me hon, i've been there... It's not fun...... I wish I could be there for you... I'd kick is butt into gear!!! LOL.....Ask him sometime how he would feel if he "accidentally" threw something at you and it hit you ? How would it make him feel to know that he could actually hurt your baby ? If you get a reaction such as being mad and angry for bringing up the subject, then it's not worth it.. i'm going to PM you.. I have a question for you....
40% of abused women report that the abuse began when they became pregnant. i'm not necessarily saying that your BF will become physically abusive, but he's already verbally abusive from the sounds of it and his increasingly short temper and lack of understanding is another red flag. Take care of yourself and your baby first...you don't need to put up with that and the added stress.
your concern feels good. I think the problem is he is just so immature. He doesn't grasp the concept of me being pregnant and he is reacting like a little boy. An episode happened today and he is sitting right here, I havent talked to him yet. Its hard :'( god.. now Im crying.. he always says "im sorry" in a nice tone afterwards and offers to do things for me and acts overly nice and its frustrating. mom23angel- I agree his behavior isnt acceptable but I want to make an attempt to change it b4 breaking up.. I dont understand why he reacts so crazily. I wish you guys were here in real life, I need a shoulder to cry on
the stress is definately not good for you or the baby......it sounds as though he may be capable of physical abuse as well, not that the verbal abuse that he already displays isn't bad enough for you. i don't know the entire situation of course, and i'm not judging anyone here, but it sounds like he may be mentally unstable, in which case you don't need that (esp. now) and later on your child doesn't need that either. i hope that didn't sound too harsh, but any type of abuse really bothers me......stay safe!
Hey hon! *HUGS* i know it's hard to hear, but if your bf is acting like this and throwing things.. Thats NOT a healthy environment for you or your baby... What if he accidentally hit you with something one time ? It could cost your baby's life.... I am not trying to scare you... well I guess in a way I am..... That is no kind of relationship to be in..... I was gang raped by my ex and 7 of his friends when I was 16... ended up getting pregnant by my bf...... when I told him, he flew the coop!!!!! he was so pissed! He ended up pushing me down a flight of stairs and I actually had to give birth to my daughter... *I didn't tell him until I was almost 6 months pregnant * I hid from him feeling that if I told him, I would be worse off.. And I was.. I ended up loosing my precious Hailey Noel...... To this day I regret it......
If he is being this badly toward you.. I would reconsider things.... What kind of father is he going to be if he's acting this way ? *HUGS* Keep me posted hon.
If he is being this badly toward you.. I would reconsider things.... What kind of father is he going to be if he's acting this way ? *HUGS* Keep me posted hon.
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