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5mo pregnant, questions about inlaws
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5mo pregnant, questions about inlaws

Since i have become pregnant my inlaws have not been supportive at all, this has been really hard for me. We heard from them the first few months telling us to get an abortions and that because im adopted my baby is going to have gene problems, and so many more rude things. I have been thinking when our baby is born do i have to let them hold him? I really don't want too. They have never said sorry for how they treated us and have written me telling me im turning there son against them. I think these people are nuts. We contacted them to tell them we are having a boy and they had nothing to say about it at all, just there medical problems and never had once asked anything. My parents call everyday and looking forward to seeing there baby. Do i have to call them when i go into labor? Hubby has a hard time dealing with them they try to bully him around and i dont want our day to turn into something about them. HELP!!
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23 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
Oh wow. That is tough hearing your inlaws tell you to abort. It makes you feel like you and the baby are unwanted. Why would they think the baby is going to have gene problems...just because you were adopted?? That is so stupid of them! UGH! People like that make me angry. Why cant they just accept the fact that you are who their son wants to be with and that they are going to be grandparents?? Ultimately it is you and your husbands decision on whether you would like to inform them that you are in labor. If it were me, id probably call to let them know i was in labor and see whether or not they show up. If they dont then id say to h*ll with them lol.
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1420648_tn?1295813433
I'm in the same situation with me fellas nan, I wouldnt call them n tell them when you go in to labour, I've not so much as shown her a scan of the baby n made it clear to his family she is never to touch our child, I know I sound drastic but at the end of the day, after how she treated me i don't want anyone like that round my baby, also if you do n they come to see the baby n I mean what if they reject him that's just going to Hurt more n you don't want them acting like that when he gets a little older
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1383644_tn?1286939293
Yeah i get what your saying. I showed mother in law ultrasound pictures of the baby and she said i dont want to see that thing. I felt i could have slapped her. They already reject one grandchild from there other son.
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492921_tn?1321293496
I have read your posts in the past but never commented.

If it were me I would have cut off all contact and I would not tell them I was in labor. They obviously don't want anything to do with their grandbaby. I don't think they deserve to know anything with the way they treated you from the start. I wouldn't have even told them the sex. I'm really glad you have one set of grandparents that are supportive. You need to focus on that and try not to allow the in laws to stress you out because you know it's not good for you.

Ultimately it's your decision who is or isn't there when you deliver. Having been through labor myself I can say you really don't want any stressers around. You want to be able to relax and focus on the beautiful event of labor and seeing your baby for the first time.  
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1383644_tn?1286939293
It's hard to know what to do since they have been so neg this whole entire time. Yeah the adoption thing through me for a loop. After they said that they wanted to have a family meeting to talk about Hubby Neg sitituation , that being me. what a joke of course he didnt go. We told them 100 times we will never abort and we have been trying for over a year.
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1383644_tn?1286939293
Yes i think your 100% right i would love to have never known them. I just look into my hubby's eyes and see the hurt they are causing him. We have decided to move to CA from AZ to be closer to my parents. This is a life changing event and we need supportive grandparents. Our baby needs love not hatful people. I don't want them in the  delivery room or even the waiting room, unless some big changes happen. That one makes me laugh.
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1395792_tn?1358119392
My own mother put in a false CPS report on me because I wouldn't let her see MY kids that I CARRIED for ten months while she only called to complain of how I ruined my life...Needless to say I cut everybody on my side off because they ALL scandalous except my bro who I see frequently...It def is up to you but my own mother will never ever see me or my kids ever again after all she did
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1383644_tn?1286939293
I wouldnt put  it past them to do something dumb like that... i have bad dreams about them hurting our baby. its just sad this should be something  everyone should be happy about but i guess the true person comes out at least we get to see who they really are.
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1395792_tn?1358119392
I think I read that you were moving to CA which I think is great and then hopefully you wont have to deal with them a lot! Go with your gut!!!!! If you feel unsafe with your child around them then dont allow them near your child
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689528_tn?1364139441
I wouldn't let his parent's have anything to do with your baby and by the sounds of your post and previous posts about them....they sound like they won't even bother to be honest. Which is a good thing...your little man doesn't any negative people around him. It would be hurtful to him to realize that he has loving grandparents from your side and grandparents that could really care less from his dad's side.
It's so terrible how they treat you and DH. I wonder what their underlying problem is when it comes to their attitude towards the whole thing? Just because your adopted?! Weird!
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938326_tn?1300882404
I would do what feels right for you! If it were me, I would tell them where to go and how to get there. I cant believe someone could say such hurtful things to anyone let alone thier own family. If hubby feels bullied by them or pressured. He can just tell them its your choice. I wouldnt have them there, hold the baby or even in my home. I am sorry you have had to deal with such BS.
Thank Goodness your family is supportive, thats how it should be. Chin up girl, and dont allow these ignorant folks to have any impact on you what so ever.
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Avatar_f_tn
I wouldn't call them. I wouldn't even tell them you had him. They sound like awful people and your precious little man doesn't need that in his life. Especially since he isn't even born yet!
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293420_tn?1243146538
LOL do we have the same in-laws???

I have the MIL from hell. I have been with my husband for 10 years and she has been miserable ever since. She is a complete uneducated loser, so I try not to pay too much attention to her. As of now, we have not spoken to her since January 17th of this year.

Take my advice--write them off. They have said too much to be taken back, and you will NEVER be able to put all of this aside and forgive them. Your son doesn't need jerks like this in his life, so don't let them in it.

My in-laws are never seeing my son again...and I don't even feel bad about it. I cried WAY too much over them and the things they have said and done, so I'm not going to worry about it anymore. She is certifiably NUTS. I am 27, have a career, a beatiful house, a Masters degree, and worked my butt off to get where I am. My MIL got her kids taken away at 23 years old for selling cocaine and weed out of her house and letting a druggie live with them. She has the nerve to judge me and say I'm going to hell, along with my husband and son, because we do not go to church and my parents did not "'raise me with God in my life." She became a brainwashed Catholic about 6 years ago and now is a know-it-all. (I was Catholic once too...went to Catholic school and everything, which is why I am not religious)

Good luck! Love your husband, your son, and let your parents spoil that baby and love him. My parents are the BEST grandparents and I'm happy we live close to them.

Do you live near them?? I suggest you move away. People like this never change. I'm sorry you have to go through this! They sound mentally ill to say things about your son having gene problems because you're adopted.

Get away from them!
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293420_tn?1243146538
Oops. Spelled some words wrong...I was in a passionate rage of writing about my MIL! Lol

Excuse my errors.
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1383644_tn?1286939293
It's nice to hear that other people are dealing with the same BS i have been. DH said tonight he doesnt like thinking we are never speaking to his parents again, i just reminded him we didnt make them act this way and there is nothing we can do to change there minds. I think he is so use to the way they act its not a big deal to him anymore. I think once our son is born is mindset will change.
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293420_tn?1243146538
You just reminded me of a good point...your husbands views will definitely change after your son is born.

After we had our son and since he's gotten older, I think my husband loves him so much and would never do anything to hurt him. He looks at the relationship he has with our son and then steps back and looks at how his parents have behaved throughout the years and realizes that they weren't the best of parents.

I knew something was wrong with my  MIL the night I met my husband, our first week in college, when we were 18 years old. He had just moved from MN to FL to go to school, and drove himself down with all of his belongings in his car. His mom never even came to FL to see his college, where he would be living, and didn't help him move down. Who lets their 18 year old baby boy get in the car and drive 1500 miles, 23 hours straight through, to college by themselves!?!? I knew instantly that I probably wouldn't like his mother...boy, was I right.

I have told my husband a million times that he can call his mom and do whatever he wants, go see her, etc., but that our son and I would have nothing to do with them. Your husband can do the same. He can call them, go visit, etc., but in my opinion they have no right to see you or their grandson. It's actually not a "right" to see you, it's a priviledge, and one they have not earned.

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362249_tn?1388466108
WOW!  you guys i thought mine was bad shes a saint compared to you guys! I must be lucky! She has said stuff about me and told my husband to leave me etc.. but she has also bought us a house all paid off helped me pay tickets paid all his INS stuff fed us when we were broke gave us a roof while our house got remodeled and shes the one i call Mom! Shes talked crap b4 but she has also supported us and given us rides when no1 else would! Now thats a MOM! if youre in laws are like that they sux! I agree write em off! I know mine is PITA in the A$$ but she has truely helped and i always give her a hug for it!! Cus i dont exactly have close family support nearby!
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Avatar_f_tn
I am sorry you have to deal with this. Your inlaws sound horrible. If I were you, I would cut all contact. I don't like to keep any negative people in my life and only want people around me who will lift me up. I would not call them or even tell them that your son was born. You don't need that in your life and your son does not need that in his. I think it's best that you do no interact with the inlaws. Moving to CA sounds like a good idea. It's good to be close to family. All of my family and my boyfriend's family live in CA. My FMIL doesn't really speak english, but has always been very welcoming. Hoping she doesn't turn out anything like the inlaws people have described here!
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Avatar_f_tn
I have an awful mother in law too and my plan when I had my baby was for her not to be in there and it didn't work her and my husbands sisters were all in there it ruwand my day forever and they don't care as they stared at me in labor and his sis later commented to me how nice n clean shaved I was UUUHHCC so just when you do go into labor let your nurses and doctors know you only want like ur man and ur mom in there and they will tell them no one else can be is my advise don't let ur day be ruwend forever they sound aweful screw them when they went to even hold my child I'd grow some balls if I were u and say he's not a thing and u never wanted him so u shouldn't even hold him!! And avoid them from then on(like don't go to there house) good luck hope ur days better than mine was:)
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Avatar_f_tn
And it hurts my husband all the time that I was hurt but he can't take it back ur inlaws do sound way worse than mine and I agree with others move away and never let her see ur son ur the mother its ur job to protect ur baby do what u think is best for him (keep away from them)ur husband will agree if not make him understand they are wrong
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1330108_tn?1333680904
If you don't want to let them know than don't. Just make sure you are very clear with boundaries and rules be consistent if you don't want to talk to them than don't end of story if you don't want them to hold baby than never let them but if you let it happen even once it will be difficult to stop. Hold your ground you, your husband and your baby deserve better!

PS my father is adopted and my sister and I turned out just fine :)
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Avatar_f_tn
OMG yeah i think maybe you shouldnt call her! I would be so upset if i tried to show my mother in my my ultrasound pictures and she told me she didnt want to see them! I probably wouldve lost it and cussed her out lol! I say...to h*ll with them! (:
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1383644_tn?1286939293
You mean you don't have 3 legs and 8 eyeballs... lol What a load of crap my doctor was very upset with the inlaws after i told her what happend, She has a adopted daughter. Maybe i have been gene than all of them! lol
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