Confused - uncertain whether or not to keep the baby

Question

Hi!
I am using this outlet as a means to help me decide whether or not to remain pregnant. I know that no one but myself can make the ultimate decicion and I know whatever I decide I will have to live and cop with the result.

With that said my situation is such that I recently found out (after knowing I was pregnant) that my partner was still living at home with his wife (he claims that they are divorce but I have not seen papers to prove that and his mother told me that they we still married) and two kids 4 and 2. He claims that he is still living with her because he does not want to distrub his children's life with divorce and inconsistent living arragements. So should I decide to have this child I have already know that I will have no support from him.

I however feel like at 26 and with 2 abortions already having a 3rd is wrong. Above evething I do not want to regret having an abortion because my sister is now 35 and regrets her abortions and not sure if she can have any children and even if she can her time is running out! As for my financial situation I am in no position to take on suggest a responsibility - I just started a new position in February and i still live in a studio apartment and my credit is not the best!

I am really looking for honest candid feedback especially from anyone who might be in a similiar situation or have gone through something similiar! Oh and did I also mention I would be repeating a cycle - I was born into this same exact situation. My dad took care of me financial but he is STILL married to my step mom even though have been separated for years.

precious03 · Answer

Just wanted to reassure you that even though you don't really know any of us, we are all here to help you with support!  You can think of this forum as an extended family, I know I do.  Any questions or concerns you may have, go ahead and ask.  Being pregnant, especially as a single mom can be very scary and intimidating!!

sweetangel7 · Answer

Of course this is ultimately your decision BUT I really agree with Berrygirl's post...I grew up with a single mother and she is the center of my universe to this day and I am the same to her.  She modeled the expectations of being an exceptional woman to me and to this day I know that I am a better person because of it...yeah we struggled but I was raised to believe that as long as we had each other that was all that mattered...she was my mother, my father, my brownie leader, my softball coach, my teacher, my support system...She has never owned a home, I always grew up in apartments but we were/are so close that I never thought twice about where we lived because she gave me such a good life!  I would keep the baby and make sure that you get your financial support from the baby's father and IF you want to let him into your baby's life you can make that decision...good luck! Please post and let us know what you have decided.

babygirl32 · Answer

My darling keep the baby please don't abort . I know its your decision but keep it one way or the other you will be able to manage with the baby , trust in the power of God . I went through the same and more positive doors opened into my life. I am pregnant again in a similar situation due in Aug and feel very positive I can do it again . Furthermore i have set my papers for a tubuligation to be done . See i'm just protecting my self for the future this won't happen again . So think about it . Good luck

Silvir00 · Answer

if you dont want the baby I'll take it!

yasmel22 · Answer

You should definately keep the baby, he/she deserves the right to live. It maybe hard to take care of a baby on your own but you can do it. If the father doesn't want to be apart of the babies life then just go to court for child support and raise him the best you can, and in the end you will be a great mom. If you do go with adoption your sister sounds like a great person, but remember that you will see this child all the time unlike if somebody else adopt him/her. Make sure that you can keep your emotions together for the rest of your life. If seeing your baby be raised by your sister is something you can deal with then she would be the perfect person to adopt your child. If this bothers you then you should keep it or have another family adopt it. I hope you make the best decision for you and your baby.

sexyhot_dandy · Answer

am tellin u keep ur baby when i was younger i had 2 abortions and to this day i regret havin them he and u lie down together so wat if he is married well the truth will come out now he was unfaithful and lyin if u decide to keep ur baby take his *** to court or furthermore knock on his house door and let him know wat time it is this may sound a like bold faced but as a mother u have to fight for ur child's right

lacy5 · Answer

exactly i bet ur sis would love 2 have the baby talk to her

JoyRenee · Answer

Wow, anxious2, that is a wonderful idea!

anxious2 · Answer

I agree with all the other posts and would like to say that if you feel uncertain that you can care for this child, why not let your sister adopt the baby.

precious03 · Answer

There is a sign in my town that says "Choose life your mother did!"  I love that sign!!  I feel that god has given you a wonderful gift that you should cherish!  That said if you don't feel that you can provide for your child, think of that family that would love to take on this responsibility!!  I believe everything happens for a reason, with or without the father, maybe this is your sign to get your life more together.  Not that I'm trying to be mean.  I really feel for you, and hope that you will make the best decision for you and this baby!!

JoyRenee · Answer

You obviously are struggling with the guilt this may bring. You know what it is like to go through an abortion as you've had many before. Abortion can cause problems and this may be your last chance to have a child. You just never know.

My PERSONAL opinion is that you should carry to term, give birth and then make a decision to keep the baby or give it to a family who just cannot have their own child. Give your little one a chance. No matter which you choose, to keep or adopt, I think you'll be a lot more satisfied with that decision than abortion.

Because you've been born into a similar situation, there are things you know and can teach this child, emotions you will know how to help them cope with, etc. There are so many children born in less-than-ideal conditions who thrive. Albert Einstein's mother was told she should abort him, that he'd be retarded. She didn't listen to her doctor and he was an absolute genius! He grew up in poverty and practically hitched his way to America. Who knows who this child will become?

My mom raised my brother and me without any help from my dad. We lived in a 2 bedroom townhouse and lived off of foodstamps for a while. But I am a very educated, well-rounded, well-spoken woman. Circumstances don't make us awful people... if anything they can make us better.

Good luck with whatever decision you decide upon.

martikadragoon · Answer

I think you should keep the baby and when it's born give it up for adoption if you do anything. I think the only reason you should abort a baby is if your life is in danger.

Berrygirl · Answer

I am going to have a copy and paste moment. I sen the following post to a young lady yesterday...I hope it can assist you...Tawana28 may be a community memeber you may be able to relate to.....

Do you believe in God? I believe God asks you to put your trust in him. Believe that he is going to make a way out of any situation. He would never put more on us than we can bare. He just isn't like that. He wants his children to be successful, fruitful and blessed. If you do not believe in abortion then go with that and go with God. I am a witness that God can take that which looks bleek and make it blessed. I will pray for you and ask that you let yourself be led by a positive spirit and consider yourself blessed. 

My DH and I have been trying for two years to have a child. The first ended in M/C and this one is giving me a run for my money and I am on bed rest at 8 weeks. I would give the world if I could to have a pregnancy and it go smoothly and I would not have to worry and my baby be alright. So try not to consider ending a blessing that many of us here on this forum and in the world wish we could accomplish. Consider adoption before termination. There are people financial stable waiting to get a baby in their arms via adoption and some couples are open enough to let you be a part of that child's life. 

My next option will be adoption if DH and still have a hard time carrying to term. Not only because we love children, but God has blessed us enough to where we should be able to bless someone else.

sameerab · Answer

i think you should keep the baby...

so the situation is not perfect that doesnt mean you should abort your baby..when the baby was being conceived the sitatuion of where he lived was not an issue and trust me when his wife finds out he has another baby on the way it will disturb his home life whether he likes it or not..dont take it out on the baby