I HATE my husband!

[prayerful wife]

Sorry this is so long, I just need to vent!!!

I ended up in Labor & Delivery at about 3am Friday morning with horrible contractions.  I can understand that DH was tired and a little cranky and we basically had to stay there all day yesterday while they gave me meds to get my contractions under control.  I had to beg my doc to let me come home after about 7pm he finally agreed as long as I come into the office on Monday.

This morning after we all got up (even tho I'm on strict bedrest with bathroom priviledges) I fixed breakfast and thought today would be a good day.  I asked him so nicely "if you seperate the clothes in the laundry room I'll wash them".  I got an attitude b/c of that.  I did it myself.  Then I asked will you load the dishwasher with the breakfast dishes; more attitude.  I did that myself.  I asked can you take the boys to get a haircut before the barbershop gets over crowded.  I was told well let me just take a shower and shave my head (he's bald) and I'll do it when I get out.  Needless to say by the time he got out the shower we were at the barbershop half way finished.  When I came thru the door he's fussing at me about "doing too much".  I just broke out into tears and locked myself in the bathroom.  

The doc looked him in the eye and made him promise to help around the house so I can rest.  I shouldnt have to beg that a**hole to take pride in his home.  After I discovered my words and tears were falling on deaf ears I just cleaned the whole house byself and now I'm contracting again.  I told him point blank if anything happens to this baby the full responsibility will be on him.  He's the most selfish person I think I've ever had to endure, and this is truly something that came out after the wedding.  He went along just to get along, and ladies point blank we're just not getting along.  

I'm thinking about leaving!  Most of the time I'm not happy with him.  He's an over the road truck driver so he's only really home on Sat & Sun.  I dont think it's the hormones.  When I hear his key hit the door I just pretend like I'm sleep b/c I'd rather get bed sores ignoring him, then have to look him in the face and talk to him.  AM I WRONG?  IS IT THE HORMONES?  HELP QUICK?

[Capricorn89f]

In our case, my hubbi and i were the same before pregnancy. In our case, after we got the hang of "baby"... We went right back to how we were. Just keep you chin up and be positive. I know when i turned she-devil i would send hubbi out to the movies or to do something so i could be moody by myself. Less stress for both of us

[Capricorn89f]

Im in something similar. I have been truing to clean our place for a week and all i ask is for the laundry and bathroom. Needless to say there is a pile infront of the laundry, bathrooms a mess, living rooms a disaster, dishes, etc. Plus im trying to find a job and deal with a 17 month old and im almost 20 weeks. All i get is a i work all day" and "dont give me the excuse u are taking care of the baby". Then he spends most of his time drinking and watching movies on the laptop after he gets home. Then repeat the next day. I just leave it til je can stand it and cleans it himself now. Im just tired of it.

[susiedej]

My husband and I were both lazy people when we were younger. He begged me and pleaded until I said yes to having a baby, but I was scared, because I have depression. But he wouldn't take no for an answer. He also insisted I walk everywhere while I was pregnant, made me feel bad for getting tired, then when I came home with little Jasmine from the hospital he made me have the baby meet his Staffordshire bull terrier (supposedly to help bonding) I was unsure, but so exhausted, I didn't listen to my intuition about it. The dog bit her on the head. She was OK luckily. But that was her first day home at our house. Of course, the house was also completely, totally filthy. I had had an emergency caesarean after two days of labour, but I still had to clean it.

[JoyRenee]

Nitro- I turned into a maniacal and crazy you-know-what when I was pregnant. I mean I would have fits, everything would set me off, nothing was ever good enough, etc., etc.

Just be patient and be helpful. It's NO EXCUSE for her but I would definitely not get divorced or separated just because she's overly emotional right now. Get a pregnancy book written specifically for men (preferably written by a man) for more tips on how you can help her. And I don't know how to tell her she needs to calm down. That might set her off. LOL!

[RBarron]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Yes, your husband is being an a**hole, it's not just your hormones. You are going through so much stress and I think your hormones are intensifying those emotions, not creating them. It is very important that you take care of yourself. Let you mom and sister help you. Maybe you can have someone stay with you or come over once per week to help out. Bed rest is serous and you have to get through it with as little stress as possible. Not taking his calls is a good idea, you don't need the arguments. Just do what you can to avoid arguments for remainder of the pregnancy and after the baby is born and you and baby are healthy you will have the energy to fix your relationship.

I'm sure he is very stressed to see you in this state and maybe ignoring that there is anything wrong with you is his way of dealing??? Men process stress differently than women. Who knows, if you let the house get filthy maybe he will start to pitch in out of desperation. Maybe if he sees you really in bed all the time it will sink in that you are unavailable to do work around the house.

[Ashelen]

it depends on the woman, nitro...this is a tough time for her. her hormones have taken over her emotions so it's very difficult to say how things will be....

i know that my relationship with my husband seriously changed after our daughter was born. i wouldn't say for the worse....but things are different. we were very much like you described, like teenagers in love, for the first 6 years of our relationship...and the last 2 years (our daughter is 18 months now) we're definitely more reserved...more grown up...our sex life is still fantastic, and we still connect really well....but there's something in our life that's very important aside from each other now and it interferes with our ability to focus on each other sometimes, but we still have a great connection.

just hang in there and see what happens. for better or for worse, your family dynamic is about to change. it may get better, because sometimes having a baby brings two people closer together...or you may drift slightly apart. if that happens it just means that you'll have to work harder on your relationship, but it's definitely possible to get it closer to where it used to be. it's not going to be exactly the same, and that's part of having a baby...but you can stay very much in love and very much crazy about each other, even if it takes a bit of work to get that way.

just be understanding and let her naturally eb and flow in the relationship right now...don't pressure her. do exactly what you're doing by telling her you wont give up, but give her enough space that she doesn't feel strangled...and watch her carefully after birth..she sounds like she may be a candidate for post-partum depression which is dangerous.

[nitro4]

Well I was hoping that all pregnant women who posted on here would be out of that hormonal mess and could tell me if it does or not get better

[Melka76]

My suggestion is to create your own post for your question s- because I opened it and got completely distracted from the posts above - not even realizing they are 2 years old..  Unfortunately things never go back to the way they were before pregnancy - when the baby is born there is lack of sleep, sex, time - etc.  The hormones hopefully will die down but you will need to work with her to find creative times to spend that one on one you miss.
Good Luck!

[LauraB78]

You should start a new thread, This thread is 2+ years old, & I don't think you will get much advice posting on this old thread.

And I cannot answer your question about "will everything be normal post pregnancy?' all I can say is hang in there. Pregnancy is insanely difficult, and I know I was very nasty at times, and I honestly COULD NOT control it. I hope all turns out well for you & your little family.

[nitro4]

Hi, I'm a father to be, my wife is 15-16 weeks pregnant, and she turned into this mean, cold hearted monster.
Before she got pregnant we were like teenagers, crazy in love. We couldn't be 1 min appart without texting or calling each other.
We planned this baby, after we found out she was pregnant everything started going downhill.
She stopped calling and texting, next she stopped telling me she loves me...next thing I hear from her is that she hates me!!!
She doesn't wanna be around me, she wants out of marriage and she even said a few times she doesn't want the baby.
At first I thought that's it, the woman who I would die for doesn't want me anymore, then I did some research (that's how I ended up here)
And found out its her hormones, so it made me feel better, then she calmed down a bit, she'll say she loves me now and then so I deff understand
Its the pregnancy. But oh man am I glad I didn't listen to her when she told me she wanted out of marriage, I told her I will NOT give up on us.
Now my question is...does everything go back to normal after the pregnancy? I mean I loved how we used to be and I miss those days.
Somebody please give me your experience or oppinion
Thanks

[luv2bmommy]

LOL yeah but whats it called for them? why have they not diagnosed this problem for them yet, like they did pms for women? lol then we could just say, ohh its that time of month baby, its JUST your hormones :) haha. i guess my hubby does have a stressful job and thats the source of it sometimes, men just dont handle stress the way we do...

[martikadragoon]

Luv2bmommy~ I think guys have it because a few days out of the month my DH will be in such a cruddy mood... I wanna hurt him. lol. (midol won't harm him, but try IBprofen or tylenol) lol.... My dh takes both regularly when he gets headaches or sore muscles.. etc.

Sometimes cooking him a good dinner will break his funk.

[luv2bmommy]

LOL im hoping for you too girl! i was wondering to my husband the other day... do you guys happen to have pms too? i mean really. at my worst i could never compare to his plain grouchiness in the mornings somtimes. i would slip him midol every once in a while if i knew it wouldnt harm anything or if i could even get him to take it! im glad hes being good to you again, we all go through struggles in our relationships. but when push comes to shove he needs to be there for you! never let him forget you would be there the same way for him!

[prayerful wife]

It's hilarious that after all this time this post is still being responded to.  
Chancellor just turned 3wks old yesterday and I showed this post to my husband and he was looking at me like he couldnt believe that I actually said these things about him, but I had to tell him that yes he was that bad and that selfish.  Now all of a sudden he's the man that I was engagd to.  Hes attentive and is going out of his way to show me and tell me how much he appreciates the HELL I went through trying to bring this little boy in the world.  
He's still an over the road driver and its extremely hard to try to get in a routine since he went back to work from being on vacation.  I pray that this man stays and that a**hole that showed up a few months back is gone for good.
Thanks for all your support ladies.  

[heatherlynn22]

i know how you feel!!! it's not my dh who's doing it but my stepdad and stepbrother. my mom works 5 12 hour shifts a week at the hospital normally and last week had a major procedure done on her heart so she's on bedrest like i am. well these two lazy assholes REFUSE to do ANYTHING in the house and like you i can not stand living in filth. so instead of them pitching in and helping so mom and i can do as doctors have ordered they whine, moan and ***** at us that we're lazy and never do anything around the house and that we need to get our "lazy *****" out of bed and clean. now  mind you i'm 27 weeks pregnant with twins and running into complications and she just had her heart worked on. usually i'm the one running around doing the laundry, dishes, vacuuming, scrubbing...yada yada yada while mom works well over 60 hours a week. (both of them work 9-5 mon-fri then go out drinking the rest of the time or just "hang out")

men are pigs. well most men are. my dh actually helps me out around the house when he's home every other weekend.

[Hales20]

awww hun ill tell you what to do!! Im not pregnant but i still get attitude every single day! Can you imagine what its going to be like when i am pregnant?! (I dont really want to know LOL)

You need to stop doing everything! I know, i know, i cannot live in filth either. I have to have an absolutely tidy house (not perfect, but clean enough to live in) otherwise it just gets disgusting. I do absolutely everything at the moment, including vacuuming, washing, cooking, unloading dishwashers, making partners lunches etc. You got the general idea. When i ask for something to be done i either get a 1) Cant you do it coz i worked! OR 2) yep ill do it (but it doesnt get done).

I end up doing most things myself because by the time we have an argument i could have done it 10 times over. Its just easier. Mind you i am not pregnant at the moment so i just figure its easier to do it myself.

You on the other hand are pregnant and need to stop doing everything! You need to take a little test on him & see if he will get up & do it himself. What i recommend to you is that you do absolutely nothing (if something is desperately needing to be done like washing, only do yours (& kids - if got any) dont do his.) Let it go a little while & see what he says. No doubt he will say - why isnt my clothes washed?! You say - well im sorry but unless you help out around here, i will do the same. It takes two to tango. You need to put your foot down & be firm & say 'well if you help out around here, i will do the same - its only fair'.

You need to be firm hun - its the only way it works with men. They are all so stupid & expect everything to be done for them. Gee my partner thinks im his mother! I pretty much do everything for him, even pack his underwear if we are staying out overnight. I have told him lately though  that i am not his mother and he needs to start fending for himself. I told him he needs to learn because one day i wont be here and you will need to do it yourself.

I hope it gets better for you!! Just be firm & sit down & relax - dont worry about the dishes or washing or other housework. Let it go awhile & see if your hubby notices that the house is not tidy.

Good Luck

[taminator]

Mine can be an insensitive ahole too.  If I complain about being tired after working nine hours and then taking care of my 3 year old....he just says what's the big deal I worked 8 hours too.  I didn't realize that he is pregnant too....lol.

[wannabamommy]

I'm so sorry to hear about how insensitive some of your husbands are. As far as I'm concerned they helped make the baby they don't have to carry it or nurse it or give birth to it. The least they can do is make our lives a little easier while were pregnant and have an infant to tend to. It's not 80/20 its 50/50. I just don't understand men who don't get that. I can't complain. My husband is awsome. He vaccuums and dusts, cleans the litter box (although constant reminding is needed for that one. It's his least favorite.), and washes the dishes, cleans the showers etc. Without even asking. I am only 11 wks and have been experiencing all day morning sickness so I've been in bed a lot, especially in the evenings so I really appreciate it. I hope your men wake up and realize what a miracle your growing in your tummies and that washing the dishes or vaccuuming the floors is the least they can do.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

Oh girl, do I understand.  I'll write more later though b/c I'm getting ready to leave.  Hang in there and you are totally justified in the way you feel.  I don't blame you 1 bit.  I often tell mine that if I'm going to do everything myself, I might as well be by myself!!!  I understand!!  Men can be such jerks!!!

[prayerful wife]

Must be nice!  I'm going to find a boyfriend to do everything my husband cant & dont do!

I'm just playing; dont ya'll start! :)

[loismwallace]

Awwwww honey, I'm so sorry! Men can be sooooo insensitive at times and it seems to be more so when were pregnant. Then I spoke with a freind that is actually dialted to 4cm right now and her husband rubs her feet, cooks her dinner and cleans the house all while she sits on her preggo dairyaire.......Some girls just got it like that.......lol

[Leanna26]

I understand what you girls are going through. I am so sorry. But thats just lazy of your men! I told my husband I need more help. I am 21 weeks, having tons of pain in my back and legs. Needless to say doing stuff is not easy. He took over the dishes, helps straighten up, helps grocery shop, and carries all of it in the house. I wish more men were as understanding as mine is.

Just get whomever can help you, dont strain yourselves.

[prayerful wife]

I havent spoke to him since Sat.  When he left to go back to work on Sun I told him unless he wrecks his truck dont call or text my phone.  He's been calling since then trying to apologize, but I dont want to hear anything he has to say.  My mom and sister will come this week and help me clean the house which I think is triffling, but b/c I cant live in filth I'll let them help out.  They just like to re-arrange things but hey you cant look a gift horse in the mouth.  

I just dont understand how the man that I'm married to, who's suppose to be my "helpmate" can huff and puff instead of just doing his job as a husband!  I told him if things dont get better I'm going to file for a legal seperation and let him prove how bad he wants this marriage and this family!

[MomNpain]

You know, the exact same thing has been going on with my hubby and I. I was put on bed rest last week and every time I ask for him to do something or for something to be done, I get an attitude and the task doesn't get done until I end up having to do it myself. Why are guys like this? Do they think doctors are joking when they say that something could go wrong if we don't rest up? The worst part about it for me is, my brother lives with us too and is the messiest person in the world. Get this - I fell down the stairs yesterday and my brother just looks at me. He doesn't ask me if I'm ok, he doesn't help me up, he just looked at me. When I told my husband about him being an ***, my brother just looked at me and was like "it looked to me like you just missed the last step." STILL, I'm pregnant and I FELL!!! Besides, he couldn't even see me until I got to the bottom anyway because of the wall. I fell down 4 steps, not one.

Needless to say, there's dishes to be done, laundry to be washed...and 2 cat litter boxes that haven't been changed for a month. I soooo understand where you're coming from and I feel like yelling at him FOR you.

Have you tried telling him how you feel? I did and all I got was more attitude. I can't really give you advice since I'm in the same boat, but I wanted to let you know that your husband isn't the only one being an *** when it comes to this stuff. ARGH! Men are SO insensitive!!!!!!!!!!!!!