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I feel really depressed today
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I feel really depressed today

Last night my fiance's mom accused me of not including his daughter, which hasn't mine, in my life when all I ever do is sacrifice for them. I watch her when he's at work, I but her things, I take her to MY family events even though she isn't apart of that family and my family adores her. All I wanted was to be able to spend christmas eve opening presents with my mom and grandparents without her there because I don't want them to have to but presents for his daughter when my grandparents can barely afford anything for the rest of us. Plus we are already taking her to my large family christmas party. Christmas eve would be my time to spend with my close family and open presents since on christmas we would have to go to my fiance's family christmas. Again, I have up my family christmas for his and yet I'm selfish for not wanting her there? Am I? After getting really upset about that my fiance argued with his mom about how she treats me and decided we wouldn't do his family thing because he was so angry at her, this isn't the first time she's come down on me for stupid reasons. But when I called to put plans back the way they were with my mom, seeing then on christmas day, she got angry at me and blamed me for ruining my fiance's family christmas. Now I don't know what to do and I'm so upset. I can't handle this while pregnant since I'm off depression meds for the baby. Am i really such a bad person?

Sorry its so long, thank you for reading...
14 Comments Post a Comment
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1961938_tn?1398721701
Well his daughter is going to be a part of your family too once you are married. She will be your daughter, would you not take your baby to Christmas just because of finances? You could bring a present for them to give to her to solve that problem. Also in law relationships are super hard but your husband has chosen you over his family so it is good he stands up for you. His mom will blame you even when it is his issue with her not yours, it's unfortunate but true. It's easier for her to blame you because you are not her child. I am sorry you have to go through in law drama but yes you should take your soon to be step daughter to Christmas unless she is with her mother.
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Avatar_f_tn
I dont think you are a bad person, but I do feel like you need to realize that by being with him, and about to marry him, that she WILL be and IS as much a part of your family as him. there is nothing wrong with wanting to spend alone time with your family, but from the sounds of it, you are that little girls mother figure. Unless you arent going to let your baby go to Christmas with your family due to money problems then I suggest you suck it up and include her...I see where you are coming from, but I deff see where his mom is coming from too
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Avatar_f_tn
Wow shirano...we think alike lol
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1961938_tn?1398721701
Yes I guess we do lol
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4402502_tn?1355346265
She has a mother that is very much in her life and she is spending christmas with them. We have her till noon on christmas and then her mom has her after that. I just don't understand why my family should have to buy for a child that doesn't belong to them when she has her father and mother's family.
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1961938_tn?1398721701
Because you decided to marry a man with a child which makes her apart of your family. You have blended a family together. If you are going to Christmas with your family when she is supposed to be with her father then she needs to come too. It's not right for you to say you aren't my kid my family doesn't have to buy for you. She is your kid by marrying her dad.
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2188958_tn?1346448491
Well they don't have to spend so much money on her. a small little thoughtful gift will work. my brother is with someone that has kids. I've known them since they have been 1 and 3 and last Christmas me and my husband bought them a gift even my mother did also. They are part of my brothers life and now ours. i don't want them to feel left out. She is part of your family now and she is your baby's half sister. I agree with the other ladies. yeah your MIL should of not done that.
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Avatar_f_tn
Seawork - that is the wrong way of thinking. You are getting married to him his daughter - by extension WILL be as much as their family as your baby will be. Now last time I checked Christmas isnt all about opening presents. Skipping over the religion side of things, family ought to be the primary concern not presents. Honestly, if my husband had pulled that move Id be upset because I have two children that arent his. One I hardly get to see if at all but she doesnt get treated any less different than my son. His Mother is tight financially but she'll still buy presents for my daughter and she's only seen her ONCE. So I would start thinking of the bigger picture now.
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4402502_tn?1355346265
I see, I guess its just hard for me. I'm only twenty one he had her when he was seventeen. The mother had made it clear from day one that she wants me to have nothing to do with her daughter so I just have a hard time understand where my place is in all this. None of his family had been very welcoming to me and his daughter's mother's family has threatened me and harassed me. But I understand what you all are saying and I see where I am wrong.
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Avatar_f_tn
They don't have to buy its nice if they do! She is apart of ur family how can you include your bf in your family but not his daughter? She's a lil girl you don't have to buy her an iPad you can buy her a doll or some clothes rap it up take it to ur family's and just have her open them there . I have a step daughter and she's 3 I wouldn't dare think twice about not wanting her around she's apart of the person I love and ador . Maby you should just try to put yourself in ur Bfs shoes. Would you want someone being like that or feeling like that with your child? I hope everything works out:) sorry if I sound mean .
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889551_tn?1416188083
When you decide to marry someone who has children by someone else, you are agreeing to love them, cherish them, and care for them as if they were your own flesh and blood. She should be included in your family gatherings as she will soon be your step daughter. I'm sure you wouldn't leave your baby home, so you shouldn't fail to include your step children. I get that money is tight for people right now, but if it were me, I would tell my family not to buy me presents and buy for the children. Just because you didn't bring her into the world doesn't mean she isn't part of your family.
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2188958_tn?1346448491
Well not like your trying to take the place of her mother your just welcoming her to your family because your with her father. don't let them get to you hun stay strong. just try not to distance your self from the little girl she's already part of your family. your having her little sibling. good luck.
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889551_tn?1416188083
Trust me I understand that it's hard to deal with the other parent in situations like this. But you can't alienate or blame the child for issues with the other side of the family. Blended families and coparenting is hard enough without the added drama. In the end it only hurts the child.  

Btw, I'm not saying you're causing unnecessary drama. If her mothers family is harassing you then they need to be looking at the big picture and not acting like high schoolers.
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3763041_tn?1354909851
my daughter calls my bfs family grandma, auntie, uncles, great grandparents, etc. she also calls my bf Daddy (since 9 months old, she is now 2 1/2) but his dad never wanted get to call him grandpa because she isn't really his grand baby. He even refuses to get her gifts on holidays... Now that we are having a baby I made it very clear to my bf and his dad that this baby will not call him grandpa and won't be opening gifts from him until both children are treated as equals... You don't have to go as far as calling your mom n dad "grandma n grandpa k but she is just a little girl and deserves to be treated the same as the new baby
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