Loss of a baby/pregnancy

[bella73]

I need your ladies advise. I just found out that my girlfriend has to terminate her pregnancy. She is about 20 weeks. They found some form of chromosome defect that the baby wouldnt survive. My heart breaks for them. We have been friends since kindergarten. In each others weddings. Both have seen each other over the TTC,miscarriages and IVF hurdles. They now have to make funeral arrangements. What can I do for them..

This is such a private time for a couple and family. Do I send flowers. Buy an ornament? I have spoken only to her via texting. She Isnt up to phone calls. I am probably the last person she wants to see right now due to my pregnancy. What is the appropriate thing to do? They will be inducing her tomorrow.

[Lisha060708]

My mother in,law bought me a necklace that had a baby hand print on it and I cried when I got it. I thought it was nice to have something to represent my son but def dont feel bad for your pregnancy but always keep her feelings in,mind because I was so angry at people who were pregnant it was very difficult for mr. the hardest thing to go threw and dont say things like she will have more it just made me mad when people said that to me. Cry with her and support her I was surprised at how developed my son was when I lost him so it might be a shock for her

[Lisha060708]

My mother in,law bought me a necklace that had a baby hand print on it and I cried when I got it. I thought it was nice to have something to represent my son but def dont feel bad for your pregnancy but always keep her feelings in,mind because I was so angry at people who were pregnant it was very difficult for mr. the hardest thing to go threw and dont say things like she will have more it just made me mad when people said that to me. Cry with her and support her I was surprised at how developed my son was when I lost him so it might be a shock for her

[Lisha060708]

My mother in,law bought me a necklace that had a baby hand print on it and I cried when I got it. I thought it was nice to have something to represent my son but def dont feel bad for your pregnancy but always keep her feelings in,mind because I was so angry at people who were pregnant it was very difficult for mr. the hardest thing to go threw and dont say things like she will have more it just made me mad when people said that to me. Cry with her and support her I was surprised at how developed my son was when I lost him so it might be a shock for her

[RainbowBaby]

Definitely don't feel bad about being pregnant. I can understand her not wanting to talk to you. It isn't anything personal. She probably just can't right now, and maybe for awhile. You could buy a special receiving blanket for her to give to the baby.

I speak from personal experience here. My first son was born when I was 20 weeks and 2 days pregnant, due to an incompetent cervix. (We didn't know this until after Ethan was born.) He was too young to survive. It was heart breaking for my husband and I to lose our son. A month after, my best friend was pregnant. I was SO excited for her, and so heart-broken for me. I tried hard to plan her baby shower towards the end of her pregnancy, but it was too hard for me and I didn't go to her baby shower. It hurt too much and I didn't want to be "that woman" that lost her baby 8 months prior and didn't want to suddenly have a melt down and ruin my best friend's shower. She completely understood and over a year later, I still don't regret it. Let your friend come to you when she is ready, and still send her text messages every so often so she knows you are still there for her. She might not want to be overly-involved in your pregnancy now, and you can't fault her for that.

Also, let her know there are resources available. (maybe wait a week or so) She can check out http://www.facesofloss.com/ which has a list of resources available. (I run one of the Faces of Loss groups in my area with 2 other Angel Mom's You could also contact the March of Dimes in her area on her behalf and they can help get resources for you to give her.)

My husband and I are currently expecting our Rainbow Baby (the baby you have after a loss) and I am thankfully 26 weeks today.) Although we are on the other side of loss now, it is still a large part of my life, and always will be. I also started another organization in my area that donates hats and blankets and Angel Baby kits to hospitals. (The kits include items like Forget Me Not flower seeds, a small teddy bear, a journal for the Mom, etc.)

You are being a great friend trying to find things to do for her. You could also give her a journal. It might be useful to her in the upcoming months and weeks ahead.

Sorry so long, this is just something I have experienced myself so it really touches a place in my heart. God Bless your Friend and their Angel Baby and God Bless you and to having a healthy pregnancy.

[ashdensmommy]

I was in this same situation a little over a year ago. my fiance has two sisters who were both pregnant at the same time as i was so it did make being around them hard at first. i then had to tell myself it isnt their fault for what happened. i was included in the birth of the one baby and have grown very attached to him. not saying she will react the way i did, but now that i look back at it, when i was offered the chamce to be involved, i now have this little boy as my soon to be nephew who i saw take his first breath and i am very thankful to have been part of that. still to this day i get emotional over the loss of my own baby but i in the end had to tell myself it wasnt anyone elses fault. it was nice to know that my friends and family were there to help or to talk or take me out of the house if i needed, but i spent my days in bed crying with my fiance by my side. he had to go to work two days after though :( so i did alot of mourning on my own until i was ready to have someone there. i had messages from people everyday just checking on me and even if i didnt reply they still sent a message the next day. just remind her you are there and alwys will be. like the other poster said, dont feel bad because you are pregnant. your friend will be ok eventually and maybe in time she will like to be involved with your pregnancy. keep your head up <3 xoxo!

[glittergirl88]

Send her flowers and be there for her. Don't feel bad about being pregnant, if she's a good friend she will be there for you throughout your pregnancy and won't hate you for being pregnant when she had to terminate.