Overwhelmed - talk about baby number two already?!

[Kimberlee_20]

DH has already started talking about baby number two!!! He said he wants to have them close in age, like a year apart but I really don't want to, I told him this, and he still insists we have one about a year after. I want to be able to enjoy this baby growing up, at least until he goes to school. My sister had her babies about a year apart, and she said she felt like she missed out on a lot of her sons life because her daughter was born so soon after. I understand the kids would be close, but I want to bond with my son before I try for another. Advice from moms that have two kids, why did you like them being close together, or why did you rather wait and have them spaced out?

[NicMom]

My first and second will be 11 years apart by the time the baby is born. DH and I have already decided to try again for a third child when the baby is 9 to 12 months old. I'm 30 and he's 34 so for us age was part of the decision we want to have two kids close together in age while we still feel young enough to take on the challenges of babies and toddlers. That said nothing is set in stone if next summer I'm not feeling like I can handle another pregnancy then we'll put things on hold for awhile, but I hope it all works out according to plan.

I wouldn't waste time arguing about it now. If after you have the baby he is still pushing before your ready just suggest he take the baby while you go out of town for a few days. That trick also works for a dh that doesn't appreciate what all goes into full time parenting!  I went on a ski weekend when my ex was driving me crazy telling me how easy being a stay at home mom was. He called begging me to come home after 7 hours becuase our 9 month old was too much for him. I let him sweat it out until the next morning. Not only did he stop asking about having another baby, but he also didn't whine about dinner being late or the house being a mess for a long time.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

[heatherlynn22]

with my dh after the twins were born (i'm talking 2 weeks later) he was already pushing the..."lets try for another one!!!" i just looked at him like he was nuts (at the time he was still living/working in d.c he didn't get to come home for good until the boys were 2 months old). he said" oh you can handle it! you're such a good mom!" yeah ok i'm a good mom but geez oh man. after he was home with us for good (not having to be here only on weekends) he changed his mind FAST. lol. now it's....can't you just get fixed????

[jenkaye21]

For me, "baby fever" hits when my little one is about 18 months- 2 years-old.  Then it takes another year to talk DH into having another. ; )

[martikadragoon]

thanks! I hope I do too!!

[Kimberlee_20]

Thank you, and I hope you get your girl!

[martikadragoon]

Kimberlee~ lol. I understand being exhausted!  I have to nap for a while everyday these days. I think it's hormones. lol

Your the first person who's ever told me I have a strong ambition! lol. :) But i guess it's true.

Enjoy your little one!!! For me babyfever hits out of nowhere!

[Kimberlee_20]

martikadragoon - I completely understand your reasoning for this, and I do want my son to have a close relationship with his siblings, but I'm EXHAUSTED with pregnancy at this point, I'm sure it'll all go away when I see him, so maybe my feelings will change. But if I had the ambition you do, I'd probably be trying too! I love babies, so baby fever will hit me soon after I'm sure haha!

[martikadragoon]

hi! I'm pregnant with #2 right now... this baby and TJ will be about 15-16 months apart.
We decided it for different reasons...

mainly we want our son to have a close friend to grow up with. he's also got special needs so we feel a close sibling will challenge him to grow and learn.. KWIM??

Give it a while, and see how you feel... at first I DID NOT Want another baby so close, but by the time he was about 5 or 6 mo. old, I was thinking differently.

[bryanarae]

My son is 3 years 5 months old and I am due with our second on June 20th. So our babies will be almost exactly 3 1/2 years apart. Before I got pregnant, I wanted to have my children a year, maybe 2 years, apart. But now that I am pregnant with a 3 1/2 year old, I love it. Our son is old enough to understand the baby concept and old enough to help out, which he is looking forward to, as of now. I am sure that will change, but right now, he seems excited!
In my opinion, when you feel ready for baby #2 is when it will be the right time. I can understand your husband wanting children close in age, but hubby's never truly understand the toll on our bodies and minds. It's hard to be a mom and to go through the whole experience, so when you are ready, it is obviously best.

[Limonada]

Our son is 2.5 years old and we're just TTC no. 2 now.  Originally, before we had DS, I thought I'd want my kids to be closer in age (my brother and I are just 13 months apart and were super close growing up - and we still have a great relationship).  However, upon having DS, I felt differently - I wanted to bond with him, get back to work and focus on my career for a bit.....plus I wanted to be getting a full night's sleep before getting pg. again (LOL).  And there is no guarantee that kids will get along any better if they are closer in age anyway, of course.

DH is nearly 10 years older than I am, though, so we knew we wouldn't want to wait TOOOOO long.  For us, having DS be 2.5 years, more self-sufficient, generally great with sleeping and on his way to being potty trained just seemed right.

Good luck with your decision!

[Kimberlee_20]

I think I am going to hold off - him not being familiar with babies too much should be quite an awakening to him! Hopefully he changes his mind, but I think I'll just hold off on this discussion for a while haha. Thank you ladies!

[kjbutcher]

I really wouldnt start any fights over it just yet.  If I understand right, your son is not even born yet?  Chances are your husband will reconsider just a bit once he is born.  He will see how much work a newborn is and will want to wait just a bit longer before doing it again.  I know right now your only thought is on this baby, but I know around 9 months baby fever hit me pretty hard.  You may be ready for baby number two around that time.  I would tell him that you want to wait and consider it later after you see how you feel at the end of the pregnancy and how the baby is.

I also know that 3 months after giving birth, my body was not even back to normal and was just starting to fee like my body was mine again.  At 6 months I was beginning to forget some of the aches and pains of pregnancy, and around 9 months I was beginning to consider another.

My opinion is to tell you husband that you will discuss it again after the baby is born and see how you both feel.

[jenkaye21]

I am one of four kids; we are all three years apart excpet the youngest two, which are two years apart.  Growing up, we were close enough in age to play together but not so close as to be overly competitive, etc. I always wanted to have my children the same way.

I am now pregnant with #4, and each of my kids are 3 or 3 1/2 years apart. Honestly, I wish I had had them a *little* closer together (maybe 2 1/2 years?), but only because I want one more and I am already 30.  

Age does have to play a role here; I had my first at 20, planing to be done by 30, but I want 5 kids.  I guess I didn't really do the Math very well; (ironic, since I'm a math teacher, Lol!)  I still want #5, at this point; I wouldn't mind having him (hehe) 1-2 years after this one. = )