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Very, very, Scared. Suicidal Even.
Hi, I am 20 ears old and am, just as it says in my title, very, very scared. Even Suicidal. My period is almost 3 weeks late now (Dec 9-Dec 14 last period recorded) However, I have very complicated circumstances and results that confuse me and just wanted some input.
Well, here's the whole story.
My boyfriend and I had been fooling around since August and although he'd never been inside me or even ejaculated near my vagina, (just sometimes on my chest and tummy) I was always scared some pre-*** might have gotten inside so I'd buy the Plan B morning pill every time I even suspected something might happen. I took this very regularly b/c we fooled around too much....I know I'm stupid. I bought it about twice a month for the next 5 months. There was a week I took two doses of it about 5 days apart. As you can imagine and to my naiveness I experienced drastic changes in my cycle- my period would come about 10-15 days apart and at first scared me but I realized that the pill was probably changing it up and as long as my period came I didn't care. However, my last period came after 21 days which scared me after day 15 passed and no period, but 6 days later, regular period. I told my boyfriend we HAD to calm things down I was sick of worrying so much every time. After that Dec 17 and 20th I stayed with him and we fooled around again to my disappointment in both of us- although this time he never even got on top of me, I just jacked him off and he came onto his stomach and that was that so although I was guilt stricken I felt no need to buy the pill. Sadly, Dec 25th, we fooled around again (i'm about to kill myself for it) but I didnt even take off my panties and he didn't take off his shorts although I sat right down on his penis but of course it didnt even begin to penetrate because of all the clothing in the way. Again no real need I felt to buy the pill. But now I am 2 almost 3 weeks late (from the fact my last period was Dec 9) and I do not know if it is because I haven't taken that damn pill since the end of November at Thanksgiving and so my cycle is trying to figure itself out again or am I pregnant?
Part 2
The last 2 weeks I've had a increase in vaginal fluid, and it acts like ovulation/fertile fluid it started watery then got sticky and then stretchy (like btwn your index finger/thumb) but it's been like this for the last 2 weeks. No real other symptoms except some cramping and irritability I've taken 5 preg tests and all are negative. I really feel like it just is my body trying to re-figure out its own menstrual cycle again and after taking that damn pill for almost 6 months i've just completely trashed my hormones and internal body clock
but still any advice or thought? (besides you stupid *****, just get a condom and real birth control)
I really want to buy the pill again just to see if It'd jump start my hormones to force a period out of me and after that I can rest as peace and then let my body reconfigure itself
Epilogue: My boyfriend and I have stopped fooling around for good. We're both struggling Christians and have each our own issues (mine language -as you can read, and lust) and we're seeing a relationship counselor and haven't fooled around since Christmas night- it's gotten a lot better and temptation has become a lot less of an issue. I only pray we can continue the way God wants us to go
Well, here's the whole story.
My boyfriend and I had been fooling around since August and although he'd never been inside me or even ejaculated near my vagina, (just sometimes on my chest and tummy) I was always scared some pre-*** might have gotten inside so I'd buy the Plan B morning pill every time I even suspected something might happen. I took this very regularly b/c we fooled around too much....I know I'm stupid. I bought it about twice a month for the next 5 months. There was a week I took two doses of it about 5 days apart. As you can imagine and to my naiveness I experienced drastic changes in my cycle- my period would come about 10-15 days apart and at first scared me but I realized that the pill was probably changing it up and as long as my period came I didn't care. However, my last period came after 21 days which scared me after day 15 passed and no period, but 6 days later, regular period. I told my boyfriend we HAD to calm things down I was sick of worrying so much every time. After that Dec 17 and 20th I stayed with him and we fooled around again to my disappointment in both of us- although this time he never even got on top of me, I just jacked him off and he came onto his stomach and that was that so although I was guilt stricken I felt no need to buy the pill. Sadly, Dec 25th, we fooled around again (i'm about to kill myself for it) but I didnt even take off my panties and he didn't take off his shorts although I sat right down on his penis but of course it didnt even begin to penetrate because of all the clothing in the way. Again no real need I felt to buy the pill. But now I am 2 almost 3 weeks late (from the fact my last period was Dec 9) and I do not know if it is because I haven't taken that damn pill since the end of November at Thanksgiving and so my cycle is trying to figure itself out again or am I pregnant?
Part 2
The last 2 weeks I've had a increase in vaginal fluid, and it acts like ovulation/fertile fluid it started watery then got sticky and then stretchy (like btwn your index finger/thumb) but it's been like this for the last 2 weeks. No real other symptoms except some cramping and irritability I've taken 5 preg tests and all are negative. I really feel like it just is my body trying to re-figure out its own menstrual cycle again and after taking that damn pill for almost 6 months i've just completely trashed my hormones and internal body clock
but still any advice or thought? (besides you stupid *****, just get a condom and real birth control)
I really want to buy the pill again just to see if It'd jump start my hormones to force a period out of me and after that I can rest as peace and then let my body reconfigure itself
Epilogue: My boyfriend and I have stopped fooling around for good. We're both struggling Christians and have each our own issues (mine language -as you can read, and lust) and we're seeing a relationship counselor and haven't fooled around since Christmas night- it's gotten a lot better and temptation has become a lot less of an issue. I only pray we can continue the way God wants us to go
Thanks so much again! Your testimony is a marker of hope to me! Truly it is! I grew up in a very Christian home and surrounded by Christian society 24.7 so I have actually not seen a lot of people struggling at least on the outside with sin, I know all of us are sinners but growing up in a christian school and church all the time it's hard to really believe Christians make mistakes and so I am just trying to find a fellow Christian who has struggled the way I have struggled thanks again for the myspace add. I'm Kara btw so yeah :) it'd be great to talk to you more privately on there if you don't mind
Suicide is actual quite common with Christians! Even pastors struggle with it. My husband had issues with suicide when he was a young teen. When we "messed up" my husband stepped down from the ministry for almost a year and it was devastating to him. While he is a youth leader, music ministry is his passion. He is the most amazing vocalist, in my opinion. That's besides the point! Point being, it wasn't all rainbows and roses after we got married.
We suffered a lot of consequences of our actions. Lisa Bevere put it beautifully at one of her conventions a few years ago! She has 3 or 4 sons and one of them broke her vase. She told him, "Now I love you and forgive you for breaking my vase [as God forgives us for our sins]. But there is still a consequence. You have to replace the vase." I LOVE that illustration. It has helped me so much when I feel condemnation (remember, that is NO condemnation for those in Christ, so that guilt is not of God! Kick it out the door! LOL!).
We were poverty-stricken, had to rely on food stamps to get by, suffered sin and temptation in other areas, had to step down from ministry for a season, physical ailments, emotional issues, etc. God never left us, but we sure left Him. It has been over 3 years since we got married and I am JUST NOW coming out from under this heavy cloud.
Anyway, I'm carrying on and on. You're more than welcome to message me. I have a myspace at www.myspace.com/joy_hopkins or you can message me privately for my email (they won't let them post here on the forum... they erase when you post the comment).
We suffered a lot of consequences of our actions. Lisa Bevere put it beautifully at one of her conventions a few years ago! She has 3 or 4 sons and one of them broke her vase. She told him, "Now I love you and forgive you for breaking my vase [as God forgives us for our sins]. But there is still a consequence. You have to replace the vase." I LOVE that illustration. It has helped me so much when I feel condemnation (remember, that is NO condemnation for those in Christ, so that guilt is not of God! Kick it out the door! LOL!).
We were poverty-stricken, had to rely on food stamps to get by, suffered sin and temptation in other areas, had to step down from ministry for a season, physical ailments, emotional issues, etc. God never left us, but we sure left Him. It has been over 3 years since we got married and I am JUST NOW coming out from under this heavy cloud.
Anyway, I'm carrying on and on. You're more than welcome to message me. I have a myspace at www.myspace.com/joy_hopkins or you can message me privately for my email (they won't let them post here on the forum... they erase when you post the comment).
Thanks again for the testimony :) it actually means an awful lot to me. My boyfriend wants to do youth ministry one day after he finishes his architect degree. But as you can tell right now our spirit is not necessarily set on God as it should be though I have watched God make leaps and bounds with my boy's faith in the past couple of weeks. My boyfriend has definitely risen the occasion of being more of a spiritual leader urging me to run to God. It has helped some, but at the end of the day it is hard for me to believe that I'm okay (spiritually an physically) since my period hasn't come and I guess I am still struggling with guilt.
Would it be okay to maybe write to you? I've been really needing just some girl comfort lately and frankly, aside from my counselor and boyfriend and God I don't really have anyone else.
Would it be okay to maybe write to you? I've been really needing just some girl comfort lately and frankly, aside from my counselor and boyfriend and God I don't really have anyone else.
Yes, there are enormous amounts of hormones in Plan B. It's like a super birth control pill. I'm not sure what percentage of hormones are in it compared with regular birth control.
Kim1989 had some really good info on that! It can mess you up internally. If you want to have children in the future, I def. recommend finding another way to protect yourself if you continue with that lifestyle. Look, I'm a Christian and I'm married to a man who is becoming a pastor (this year!). We MESSED UP! We made mistakes we are not proud of 4 years ago!
But........ it is the word of our testimony that I hope helps you. I got pregnant before we got married. We thought having sex was okay because marriage was "only a piece of paper". We realize now we were deceived in thinking that. I was sick on our honey moon. It wasn't fun, it wasn't exciting, I didn't have fun lingerie and stuff like that.
How I wish I would've waited like a bride for her groom. The honeymoon wasn't special, it was mundane. I was pregnant and sick. We watched horror movies on TV the whole time (we got married the day before Halloween). I wish it would've been special, that I had something to LOOK FORWARD TO!
I don't know how old you are, but please wait. You can do it! While I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world, I do wish I could re-do HOW we handled everything.
Def. try to see a doc and make sure nothing is wrong. I hope you have a blessed life, sweetie!
Kim1989 had some really good info on that! It can mess you up internally. If you want to have children in the future, I def. recommend finding another way to protect yourself if you continue with that lifestyle. Look, I'm a Christian and I'm married to a man who is becoming a pastor (this year!). We MESSED UP! We made mistakes we are not proud of 4 years ago!
But........ it is the word of our testimony that I hope helps you. I got pregnant before we got married. We thought having sex was okay because marriage was "only a piece of paper". We realize now we were deceived in thinking that. I was sick on our honey moon. It wasn't fun, it wasn't exciting, I didn't have fun lingerie and stuff like that.
How I wish I would've waited like a bride for her groom. The honeymoon wasn't special, it was mundane. I was pregnant and sick. We watched horror movies on TV the whole time (we got married the day before Halloween). I wish it would've been special, that I had something to LOOK FORWARD TO!
I don't know how old you are, but please wait. You can do it! While I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world, I do wish I could re-do HOW we handled everything.
Def. try to see a doc and make sure nothing is wrong. I hope you have a blessed life, sweetie!
Thanks for the comforting and encouraging post- I actually have taken 5 tests all negative though the last one I took wasn't till last Thurs so I might be checking too early anyway...but yeah I've probably taken 20 doses of that pill...until Nov! So..yeah lots of extra hormones- so could that really mess me up?
first off you should not be suicidal even if you were pregnant. but your not. you need to have intercourse and you two havent been. i have heard some pretty bad things about plan b, like it causing damage internally to you because its like the same thing as a LOT of bc pills. if your scarred about being pregnant why wouldnt you just go on the pill. its a lot safer and would save you the frustration about being pregnant. your stressing something horrbile about being pregnant and that can cause your period to be MIA. and i think plan b should be used if at all...every once and awhile. NOT all the time. it will mess up your system. i looked up plan b and heres something things it says:
The most common side effects associated with the use of Plan B® include nausea, abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, menstrual changes, dizziness, breast tenderness, diarrhea and vomiting. Although women should return to normal menstruation after taking Plan B®, they should be informed that their next period may be heavier or lighter, earlier or later
also
Remember that Plan B should not be used as a regular form of birth control, and it will not work if you are already pregnant.
Plan B may affect your next menstrual cycle by delaying it or making it much heavier or lighter than normal. It could also cause spotting between cycles. If your next period is delayed by more than a week, you should consider the possibility that you may be pregnant.
Let your doctor know right away if you become pregnant or develop abdominal pain after taking Plan B. There is a slight chance that progestin, the hormone in Plan B, could cause an ectopic pregnancy, which occurs when a fertilized egg becomes implanted outside the uterus, usually in the fallopian tube.
Plan B could slightly raise blood sugar levels. If you have diabetes, your doctor may want to monitor you during treatment.
Emergency contraceptive pills, like other oral contraceptives, do not protect against infection with HIV (the virus that causes AIDS) and other sexually transmitted diseases.
please stop using plan b as a regular form of birth contol. go on acual birth control so you will not stress youself out as much as you are right now. im sure your not pregnant, but using plan b as much as your saying you are along with the stress your putting on yourself are prob causing you to miss your period. GOOD LUCK
The most common side effects associated with the use of Plan B® include nausea, abdominal pain, fatigue, headache, menstrual changes, dizziness, breast tenderness, diarrhea and vomiting. Although women should return to normal menstruation after taking Plan B®, they should be informed that their next period may be heavier or lighter, earlier or later
also
Remember that Plan B should not be used as a regular form of birth control, and it will not work if you are already pregnant.
Plan B may affect your next menstrual cycle by delaying it or making it much heavier or lighter than normal. It could also cause spotting between cycles. If your next period is delayed by more than a week, you should consider the possibility that you may be pregnant.
Let your doctor know right away if you become pregnant or develop abdominal pain after taking Plan B. There is a slight chance that progestin, the hormone in Plan B, could cause an ectopic pregnancy, which occurs when a fertilized egg becomes implanted outside the uterus, usually in the fallopian tube.
Plan B could slightly raise blood sugar levels. If you have diabetes, your doctor may want to monitor you during treatment.
Emergency contraceptive pills, like other oral contraceptives, do not protect against infection with HIV (the virus that causes AIDS) and other sexually transmitted diseases.
please stop using plan b as a regular form of birth contol. go on acual birth control so you will not stress youself out as much as you are right now. im sure your not pregnant, but using plan b as much as your saying you are along with the stress your putting on yourself are prob causing you to miss your period. GOOD LUCK
Regarding the pregnancy issue, I really do not think you are pregnant. From what you've written, if I understand correctly your boyfriend has never penetrated you and his semen has never even come close to your vaginal area? You did some messing around with clothes on and some "hand-jobs". These will not make you pregnant.
Regarding the suicidal issues over guilt for messing around - you must realize these feelings are VERY normal and natural. The feelings to be close to your partner/boyfriend and experience physical intimacy are normal, feeling suicidal over is not. (I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming your are in your middle/late teens?). God created this desire in us, there is nothing at all wrong with wanting to experience this with your boyfriend. How much and what you do is completely up to you and your boyfriend, but is sounds like you might not be emotionally ready for this kind of a relationship.
You are not stupid at all!!! In fact I think you are VERY smart. You are seeking counseling, you are trying to do whats right for you and your boyfriend and you are seeking help where you feel you need it. Those are all very, very smart choices. The only suggestion I would give you, is yes to buy condoms and have them available in case you and bf want to mess around again. Maybe you should consider the bc pill as well. Just in case. This will eliminate your worrying so much about pregnancy.
Please be more forgiving of yourself. You are human. These are very human, normal, natural desires and acitivites you're doing with your boyfriend. Keep praying about it, God will show you the way.
Regarding the suicidal issues over guilt for messing around - you must realize these feelings are VERY normal and natural. The feelings to be close to your partner/boyfriend and experience physical intimacy are normal, feeling suicidal over is not. (I don't know how old you are, but I'm assuming your are in your middle/late teens?). God created this desire in us, there is nothing at all wrong with wanting to experience this with your boyfriend. How much and what you do is completely up to you and your boyfriend, but is sounds like you might not be emotionally ready for this kind of a relationship.
You are not stupid at all!!! In fact I think you are VERY smart. You are seeking counseling, you are trying to do whats right for you and your boyfriend and you are seeking help where you feel you need it. Those are all very, very smart choices. The only suggestion I would give you, is yes to buy condoms and have them available in case you and bf want to mess around again. Maybe you should consider the bc pill as well. Just in case. This will eliminate your worrying so much about pregnancy.
Please be more forgiving of yourself. You are human. These are very human, normal, natural desires and acitivites you're doing with your boyfriend. Keep praying about it, God will show you the way.
First off, if you're Christian - then trust in the love of God and just take a deep breath! Any early pregnancy sympoms are the same as PMS so they can be easily confused for each other... There's nothing I can really say that has a tremendous amount of insight to it - the only way to be sure would be to get a blood test from a doctor's office. When was the last HPT you took?
Honey, we all make mistakes. But Plan B isn't intended for regular use. You may be late because of taking it so much. As for the discharge, you may be experiencing it because you are ovulating, not because you're pregnant. Sperm CAN get through clothing, but your chances of becoming pregnant that way are slim (but there's still an itty bitty chance).
I would recommend you take an HPT. If it is negative, see your doc and discuss some things. If you plan on using abstinence because you're trying to "walk the straight and narrow", kudos to you! I hope you guys are strong enough!!!
Again, you may want to see your doc if the test is negative to rule out any other reasons you may not be having a period.
I would recommend you take an HPT. If it is negative, see your doc and discuss some things. If you plan on using abstinence because you're trying to "walk the straight and narrow", kudos to you! I hope you guys are strong enough!!!
Again, you may want to see your doc if the test is negative to rule out any other reasons you may not be having a period.
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