Pregnancy 18-24 Community
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in need of advice

I am 19 and pregnant with my first child me and my boyfriend have made the choice not to have this child ( please no one judge ) I am having second thoughts I am wondering if I am making the right choice my next doctors appointment I am supposed to schedule a ultras sound to make sure how far along I am and was on the.contraceptive depo prevera ! Never faltered on it I have never had the desire to have children but I am doubting weather or not to do this part of ne wonders some how through birth control im pregnant didn't that mean this baby should be born? ? Somebody anybody advice?
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1955408_tn?1328062054
I believe that anytime a woman becomes pregnant the baby is supposed to be born. There are numerous women out there that are unable to become pregnant and would to anything for a baby. If you and your boyfriend aren't ready to raise a child, maybe you could consider adoption. A baby is a precious thing and someone would gladly take care of him or her. Just think very hard about your decision and make sure it's the right one before you make it. Do not let anyone talk you into making a decision you don't want to make. Remember, you're the one that's going to have to live with your decision every day.
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1925157_tn?1328932617
I believe so, its a gift from God. and everything happens for a reason.
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Avatar_f_tn
I don't understand I can't seem to explain how I feel I feel different and im afraid that if I have this done I may not forgive myself but if I have this child its mine am I rong to to feel so selfish?  And would my boyfriend ever forgive me.if I don't do it? Either of you ever been in this situation or anything similar? ?!
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1806883_tn?1407811249
how on earth would you need to be forgiven for giving your baby life?? there are so many ladies trying to get pregnant after having the depo shot, that for you to actually fall pregnant while on it is amazing in itself, if your already having second thoughts about going through a termination, then I really think that you would regret doing it, you really need to be 100% sure thats this is what YOU want to do, as once you have done it there is no going back and you will never be able to get that baby back, I never had any desire to have children and I now have 10, once you embrace the fact that your pregnant and are going to have a baby, you will find that their really isnt a decision to be made :)
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1955408_tn?1328062054
I've never been in your situation, but I know if I was I couldn't have an abortion. That's my personal beliefs. I believe all babies happen for a reason and they're all a living person. Just because they're not here yet doesn't mean they're not alive.

However, do also believe that every woman should have a choice about her own body.

If you decide to keep the baby and your boyfriend can't understand why, then you shouldn't be with him anyway. As I said, don't let anyone bully you into anything. If you know you'll regret it, don't do it.
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Avatar_f_tn
The thought of it makes me sick but at the same time im just so lost im damend if I do im damned if I don't thankyou ladies for no cruel words or judgment it means alot I just wish there was a sign or something to help ... and most of all I wonder how the he'll am I gonna go from a ultrasound to an abortion ... and if I can will I ever be ok ugh! !! This blows everyone in mty life that knows didn't want this baby but a part of me doubts that I don't ....... I thought I was doing everything right :(
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Avatar_f_tn
If I have this child I lose my job my partner my family and college but if I don't will I ever be ok with life anyways ..........
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1936698_tn?1333918793
The choice is 100% up to you. If you decide to terminate the pregnancy or keep the baby, it is no body's choice but YOURS. I do not know anyone who was on the depo pervera who has got pregnant. In my opinion, I believe that this baby was meant to be born. Whatever you decide to do is up to you, but I think once you see the ultrasounds and actually see the baby you might see the little miracle you have inside you. If you have any doubts about terminating your pregnancy make sure it is YOUR decision and no one else's decision. If you have any doubts about forgiving yourself or regretting it don't do it and don't do it just because your boyfriend wants you to. Good luck on your decision!!
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Avatar_f_tn
Definitely think this through. A baby is a blessing. Adoption is a great idea, many couples  out there would love to be parents. Share your thoughts w/ your bf even if he doesn't agree. Best of luck!
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Avatar_f_tn
Thanks everyone ill post more info as time.goes on im so stuck I never wanted kids but I feel so odd I've been on constant birth control for a long time my boyfriend.is the only person I've been with without a condom and 9 out of 10u times.he pulled out and with depo it just seems like such slim odds I mean even the doctor was surprised!!
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1955408_tn?1328062054
You could consider open adoption. That way you someone who wants a baby will get one and you can still see your baby. That way you still have college, family, boyfriend, and you can still see your baby. Research online about all of your options before you make your decision.
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Avatar_f_tn
My boyfriend has a child already and is considerable older than me If I have this baby its mine I guess its all just gonna be how strong I am and I hope that maybe the ultrasound will give me clarity ......
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Avatar_f_tn
If you are having doubts, then you shouldn't go through with it.  You shouldn't lose your john because of pregnancy and you can still complete college.  It might take a little longer and some creativity to get it done but you can do it.  If your boyfriend won't forgive you our try to understand how you are feeling than he's not the right one for you.  Love is unconditional, all forgiving.  You wil have rough times ahead but it wil all be worth it.  I just think that you are having doubts for a reason and this baby beat alot of odds to be conceived.  Give it alot of thought and soul searching before you decide because once it's done there is no turning back
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Avatar_f_tn
I am twenty and I was in your position when I first found out in January that me and my boyfriend were going to have a baby...I thought about it for a couple weekday and just decided I could not get rid of my baby.it is a very hard decision but one you have to live with the rest of your life whether u keep the baby or abort...think very very hard...good luck and let me know if you need anyone to talk to!
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1999115_tn?1332268924
I think your sign is the fact your having some sort of doubt about going thru with it. No matter what you choose, your boyfriend should be by your side supporting you.
In the end, anything we all tell you is our personal opinions.. you need to do whats best for YOU. You can listen to what we say, your family or bf says, but ultimately its YOUR body, YOUR decision. Your the one whos gona live with whatever you choose.
Just know there are other options, besides terminating..as others have mentioned. Good luck with whatever you choose, I sincerely hope everything works out. xx
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Avatar_f_tn
You should definitely seek a crisis pregnancy center like Matrix or Lifecare Services. I used volunteer at one in college and they are such wonderful people! They truly help young mothers who are abortion minded. They provide a free ultrasound and all the tools and resources you need to carry out you pregnancy. They follow many their clients even through the first five years of the child's life. Many relationships end after an abortion so don't let that be the deciding factor in a life altering matter. Hope this helps
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Avatar_f_tn
You are all so wonderful! ! And its really nice to hear someones story that went through what I am!  Im just so sad at the thought of pardon my french throwing life away .. but the thought of losing everything is sad to ...... honestly I could talk all night lol kinda pathetic right?
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1346146_tn?1299364097
For a long time I never wanted kids and was happy that way.  All that changed the minute I saw my little baby on ultrasound with its little heart beating and i was in love right then but it wasn't meant to be....I began to have problems...I had more ultrasounds and with each ultrasound the heartbeat was slower and slower until finally on the last it was gone and my little baby had died.  I had to have a d&c to remove my baby.  Even though there was nothing I could do to save my baby I still feel the loss to this day.  Its something you never forget. You have a choice. The decision is yours don't let anyone make it for you.  If you want to keep your baby do it.  You are a lot stronger than you think.  Good luck to you.
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Avatar_f_tn
My heart aches for you I feel so selfish to even belive u would talk to me how someone who has gone through losing a child that they wanted and here I sit selfish enough to complain about something that's a damn near miracle of odds I should by a lotery ticket with those odds im sorry for what you've gone through!  Im just so lost the love of my life my best friend didn't understand me how the **** did that happen :(
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2006603_tn?1331332927
I personally believe that if a woman becomes pregnant, then that baby is ment to be born. If you are having doubt now, then that may be a sign that you are susposed to have this child.
Only you can make the decision thats best for you. Some woman can have an abortion and it dont effect them at all emotionally and other woman have an abortion and they become severely depressed over it. If you are having doubts and are thinking about keeping the baby and it may just be that your already starting to fall in love with the child.

I am 18 years old, and when i found out i was pregnant i was so scared but within a week of finding out, my baby had turned into my whole world. I found out when i was 5 weeks along, i am now almost 24 weeks pregnant and sometimes i still get scared, nervous and wonder if i am going to be able to handle being a parent but i already love my child more than words can explain.
Every person is different, if you decide to keep the baby but later down the road decide you cant be a parent then theres always families that can not have children that would love to adopt your baby.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi sweety, its ok to be scared, have doubts, or change of heart. Whatever decision u make just make sure your 100% sure its ur decision. I dont now or ever would i judge someone for a decision they made based on whats best for their life and future. Don't let anyone alter ur thoughts on what ur leaning torwards. Im sure ur a bright grl and know the pros n cons of abortion,  adoption,  or even just keeping the baby so im not going to sit here and tell u things u already know.  What i would suggest is taking sometime to urself and thinking hard on why u want to abort and also whats made u have doubts.  Whichever has a greater outcome than stick with that choice and never second guess it. Dont live ur life in "what if"...


If u ever need someone to listen to u or talk to im willing.  Good luck hun.
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1999115_tn?1332268924
Feel free to message me whenever you like ! Dont feel as tho your lifes over bcos of a baby. You can still work and go to schooool, yes sometimes a partner decides not to stick around if they dont agree w/ your choice, but you deserve someone whos gona stick by you no matter what !
But dont feel as tho anyone on this post is pushing you to keep it, we are just trying to offer our opinion / advice !
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1395792_tn?1358119392
I had an abortion and lookingg back i do wish i had not, its not that everything didnt work out b/c it did but it's just something that i wish I hadnt done. I can also understand getting preggo by a miracle. I have birthed 4 children the last of one was born sept 21 2011 I proceeded to have a tubal ligation and I am now 8 weeks preggo. I cannot tell you how upset I was or kinda still am. I just didnt and don't want any more but after actually having kids i couldnt ever have another abortion.

Make the choice for you! Think about it hard and no one can tell you but you. You will be ok either way trust me!! Now I just need to take my own advice and get on board with the fact that Im preggo lol
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2075737_tn?1379451282
I was somewhat in your situation... I'm 20 and now 22 weeks pregnant with a little girl. She's my first baby. Before I got pregnant, I was staying with my aunt going to 2 colleges and working. I was really working hard ya kno? But everything took a turn in life when I found out I was pregnant.. when I told my aunt, she told me I couldn't live there anymore unless I had an abortion.. by boyfriend said he would support my decision either way it went. But I couldn't do that to my baby. It made me sick thinking that the people I love would want me to do something like that to my child. I fell in love with my baby since the day I found out she was growing inside of me. Yes, I had to move, quit my schools, and my job. I know it isn't going to be easy. But I do have a few people left that supports my decision and is helping me through this. Just think long and hard about your options. Nobody said life would be easy. But I honestly think I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had done that. Adoption is a good aoption if your totally not ready for a baby. I wasn't ready either, but me and my boyfriend are doing what we have to do to make sure she will have what she needs and a stable environment to live in. Just think about this before making any decisions u will regret. I don't regret my decision because I kknow our daughter will be loved and taken care of. Good luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
I know everyone is just giving advice I mean I am asking for it atleast everyone on here is friendly and not judgmental !! I wonder how life will go and if ill have a awnser soon
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1346146_tn?1299364097
Just remember don't let anyone push you into a decision.  Its 100% yours.  I think you know what the right one is in your heart.  Just by you being on here asking questions says a lot.  I do wish you the best of luck.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm 19 as well and when I first found out I was pregnant my husband said I had to get an abortion. At first I agreed because I'm thinking I'm so young how can I raise a baby. After getting my ultrasound and hearing a heartbeat and seeing lil fingers n toes I couldnt do it. Why not think about.adoption not all women were blessed with child bearing abilities so give the gift  to someone else.
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Avatar_f_tn
As a person who was forced to have an abortion by my parents I can honestly say it is not a good feeling. The aftermath is ridiculous. It makes you feel like less of a person. What you want morning sickness or the sickness of mourning. The choice is always yours don't let anyone judge you or force you into it
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Avatar_f_tn
Its ur choice, but i know somebody who had an abortion, and later wanted kids, and its so hard to conceive.
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971074_tn?1362763366
This is your choice. Make sure you feel right about it.
Two of my college roommates (within months of each other) got pregnant. Both of them terminated their pregnancies. They were both out of it for a while. That was over 12 years ago. Now they both have two children and are married. They both graduated from college. One went on for her masters. They both have professional careers. I just wanted you to know that some people do in fact move on. I'm sure it is something that stays with them...but they are okay. It is a delicate conversation and I wanted you to hear different stories.

I am pro-choice but I have to tell you...I would never be able to do it myself. But I do believe in a woman's right to choose.
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Avatar_f_tn
This is actually my second child, it's a boy. The father of both of them asked me to get an abortion. He has another child with another women. As time went on,i thought about it and just couldn't bring myself to do it. At the beginning he didn't talk about the baby at all and it kind of hurt my feelings. But now he has warmed up considerably. I am now 37 weeks and have a scheduled c section on April 11th, just three days after my own birthday.
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1925157_tn?1328932617
Honey I've had two abortions no I'm not proud of them. My first one was when I was 16 and I was forced to by my mom and my bf of that time. My second one I was 19 and I did it because I was being very selfish. And I thought it was what my bf wanted. Although my mother made the appointment before I even made up my mind.. once I woke up after the surgery as soon as I opened my eyes I started crying. I knew I had done such a bad thing. I couldn't stop crying for days and my bf was there for me by my side and told me we will try for another which I didn't think would happen but I became pregnant. Again as soon as I could have sex. And now Im 31 weeks with a healthy baby girl.
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Avatar_f_tn
Are there any pregnancy test centers where you live? They have great counselors that would talk to you and pray with you. Your reasons for terminating the baby are not 1.) even your choice and 2.) reasonable . Keep in mind that ... all those other things jobs and boyfriends will not always be there, but your child will. He/she will love you regardless of putting him/her up for adoption or if you decided to keep baby... your situation. In the U.S there's a law about discriminating against pregnant ladies. If you're boyfriend leaves you because of this accident, then he's not worthy and he will leave you one day for other reasons. It is his child too? Your family... will learn to accept it and move on. It might be a shock to them at first, but when it truly sinks in you'd have an amazing support system. I was a teen mom and I graduated my senior year... the best reward was my daughter. Good luck with your decision & I'd be praying for you!
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Avatar_f_tn
You having a baby wont effect anything as much as you may believe. Give my sister for example, she got pregnant at 16 by a boy who disclaimed the child because his "other female" said if he do claim the child, then they could no longer be together. So not only was my sister dealing with high school but now a baby was added 2 her world,  with the revealing secrete of her boyfriend (not only being a cheater, liar, & a snake) was now goin 2 make her seem like the hoe by telling the world that her baby was not his. Her & my god mother considered abortion until I sat down with them & talked with them all possibilities insteadve an abortion. She considered adoption as well or having my auntie take care of him until my sister graduates. Alotve choices was givin but honestly, going through all the months of illness and fatigue which turns into hearing the baby heart for the first time or feeling it move, trust when I say your not going to want to give the baby up. Now its been almost a year since my sister had my lil nephew and he's the most happiest lil boy you can ever see. He surrounded by love & joy. My sister is on her way 2 be 18 in june, got a job and is going to be graduating this june, which after she'll be moving 2 New York and attending college there near all my family. Now we are currently In Florida so its a big move 4 her, but having lil ty ty has gave her motivation a huge boost & she dreaming huge now. I am currently 18 gunna be 19 n august, 5 weeks pregnant with my first child, graduated & is currently lookin thru colleges & as 4 my boyfriend he is 19, getting his GED & this will be his third child & hes super excited regardless of his situation. My grandmother got pregnant with my mom at 15 did what she had to do as well. where im going with this is every1 is going to have challenges. Its only a matter of how you make them your blessings. I was a female on depo, not cause I didnt want a baby but becuz my crampz & cuz I didnt feel I was ready 2 bring a baby in this world but I learned that nobody is officially ready 4 anything they go through. But they always manage to deal with everything the best they can. Jus put in more thought of yall decision b4 u make 1.
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