made the decision

[roni13]

I went to the doc on the 1th and we still were unable to find a heartbeat. This was the new doc and I was very nervous that he would come back with the same conclusion as the other one, and he did. But this time getting the news wasn't as painful, I guess I already had my mind set ready for the news to go either way. I made the decision right there to go on with the D&C and my husband was right there with me, and he agreed that I should do it after the doc went over the pros and cons. We had the procedure done the next day...my baby is gone as of July 18th 2008, and since then my husband has not really looked at me, is not talking to me, calling me names and we even had a fight. All of this happened over the weekend, and I don't want you to think that he beat me, he only pushed me but that was taking it too far. And now I am trying to pick myself back up and get myself back together. He hasn't said anything to me still, and I feel like everyone in my house is dealing and stuggling in their own way. My son ended up at his dads house and my daughter only 2 yrs old don't know what is going on. All I wanted him to do was talk to me...maybe he will but I guess it will be on his time.
Thanks for listening and being there for me through this pregnancy, and if we stay together, and we try again I will rejoin this group.
thanks

[aabarnett]

I am so sorry for your loss.  I know your family is all mourning but nobody should lay their hands on you like that.  I understand your husband is hurting but the solution is not physical.  Maybe you guys could try some counceling or maybe talk to your pastor (if you go to church), I hope you all can come closer during this time.  Loss is hard but it seems to be even more devestating when it's a baby.  I'll be praying for you and your family.  Try to remember that there are people who can and will help if you let them.  God bless your little angel, I'm so sorry you didn't get more time with him/her.  Try to remember that there is always a plan, it's just God's plan and yours don't always match up.  Once again, I am so sorry.

[addysmom]

I wanted to share a little bit of my story with you....hopefully it helps.  When my husband and I moved in together I got pregnant about a month later.  We had only been dating for about 2 months (I know we move fast!!) He didn't want me to have the baby...but I told him that I have never been okay with abortion myself...and I had already lost one baby in a previous relationship...and I wasn't willing to kill this one.  He was upset...and we almost broke up...but I found out I miscarried a week later.  

He seemed to handle that miscarriage well...and supported me to a certain degree while I dealt with my 2nd loss.  A month later I found out I was pregnant again (on birth control!) and he was excited.  We lost that baby too...and he was devastated....he drank a ton the weekend after my miscarriage and when he finally did talk to me he said some really hurtful things about my "inability" to carry a child.  

It turns out...he was hurting very deeply...and we all know most men don't know how to handle their emotions.  He feels terrible for what he said to me and to this day tells me how bad he feels.  

Now...all this to say...try talking to him.  I bet you he is just hurting.  Although there is never excuse to push you...his hurtful words are probably stemming from his own hurt.    I definitely recommend counseling.  It was the only way my husband and I managed to remain together after our loss.  I hope it works out for you...and if you need anyone to talk to...we are all here for you!

[sweetangel7]

What a difficult time for you...I remember when we went to the doctor and they told me no hb and that I would probably mc in the next couple of weeks...I was devastated and cried like continuously for 72 hours, and then I went back to work so I only cried when I woke up, was driving to and from work, and in the evening/bed time...and that went on for quite some time...I don't know what I would have done if my husband wasn't able to support me.  Personally, I think you should approach him and tell him that you are hurting emotionally from this (the mc) and that you need him now more than ever (I am assuming you had a good relationship before this) and then you can say something about needing each other and how he can rely on you for support...maybe he is hurting inside and just isn't sure how to handle it...My friend's husband kind of did the same thing when she had a mc-he blamed her and was really mean to her...they ended up seperating eventually because he was kind of mean to her all the time and this was the icing on the cake.  Try to talk to hubby and open up the lines of communication...maybe he is waiting for you to approach him so that he knows you are ready to talk...Good luck and keep us posted!

[martikadragoon]

I am SO sorry about what you had to go thru.  Maybe your husband is hurt and upset about what happened and just isn't sure how to handle it?

I think maybe you should set up an appointment with a counsellor and talk to him to get him to go, even to just 1 appointment. Because all he's doing is letting his hurt ruin your relationship. And he's pushing you away when in reality he needs to comfort you and vice versa. Your MARRIED and when something hurtful and bad happens in your lives the best thing you can do is turn to eachother for comfort and relief.

I hope this helps in some way, I'm really really sorry.

[SarahB79]

I am so sorry for you.  Your husband is struggling with his own mourning and is too blind to see you needing him for your own.  He'll come around.  Give him some space and lean on other people in your life while he mourns in his own way.  I know I get really defensive and mean when I am sad.  I hate that I lash out on those I love, but it still happens.  Best of luck and you have my prayers.  

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I am so sorry you are going through this.  Just remember that everyone is here if you need to talk.  I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

[johannaviles]

Im very sorry for all this.  May God comfort you in these difficult times.  You're in my thoughts and prayers..
A big HUG.