marriage, divorce, pregnancy

[thickm]

i know that this may not be the place to post my problem but being i consider all of yall my friends whos option i value very much i need some advice! my husband told me today to get all my stuff and get out! heres what happened.....he has turned into what i call an alcoholic and last night he went out and was suppose to be home by supper time well that never happened he ended up at the bar and 3 am he called me and told me all his friends were coming over to hang out! i was pist, one i am pregnant and sleepy all the time especially at 3am, two i have a job which i needed to be at 1st thing this morning and three is i have a 5 year old daughter that needed to be at school today! anyways his friends come over from 3am to 7am just drinking and hanging out in my living room! i was pist and he had the nerve to tell me that he did what he did because i act stupid and never shut up and let him do what he wants without me tripping! HELLO I THINK I HAD EVERY REASON TO BE MAD.  so anyways after a long heated discussion this morning he tells me to get all of mine and my daughters stuff and leave! i was in shock i couldnt believe he was gonna put his pregnant wife and step daughter out on the streets! i didnt leave because i didnt have anywhere to go! i feel like a fool for staying though, he doesnt work (hes suppose to be a full time college student but his drinking never allows him to go to school) so i am the bread winner so to speak and if anything he needs me yet i cant get up the courage to leave and i dont know whats wrong with me! its my 2nd marriage and i left my ex husband without hesitation! maybe i stay cause i dont want to be a single mom again, or maybe i stay because i am dumb! WHAT DO I DO LADIES, HELP!!!!!!!!!

[tinytoes201]

well your not stupid.there is so many women going through or have gone through the same thing,we need to stop getting pushed around.in this day and age there is no need for it.. stay strong,, when i left i had the same feeling of been robbed,i know exactly how you feel,  i held on to that feeling until i was well away from,it helped me to be stronger and when he cryed and begged me to stay and tryed to make me feel guilty i just keep that feeling there and i said no way am i staying here.so be strong girl,were all here for ya,, good luck x

[thickm]

thanks alot ladies i really needed some words of encouragement, i feel so stupid! i have never been the type of person to stick around with stuff like this going on, i feel like hes robbed me

[Victoria01]

You really need to think about your children first. Since you are the only one working and paying the bills you need to tell him to leave since he couldn't afford to stay there without you anyway. You are doing more harm to your daughter by letting him be there as she will being to think it is 'normal' to be in this type of situation, and i know that is not what you what for her.The stress itself isn't good for any of you and especially since you are pregnant. If he gets drunk and is violent, which he definitely is if he is beating up your car, you or your daughter could be next.

I would try going to the police. The law should be on your side since you are pregnant and have your daughter, they won't ask you to leave your home, he will be the one that needs to leave.

I will be praying for you and remember, no matter how hard this decision is, you need to make the best home for you and your kids and that does not sound like it would be with him. Good luck to you.

[Heatherm4]

I would leave. He sounds like he's taking advantage of you. And tinytoes is right...if he took it out on your car then there's no reason why you wouldn't be next. It's difficult to think about leaving but you would be giving yourself and your daughter and baby a great gift and that's living in a peaceful home.
I would give him an ultimatum....I would say that he needs to get help with his drinking..I would demand to see a marriage counsellor and if not then he can kiss his family goodbye. It's his choice. He may be having a little midlife crisis and is probably not thinking about consequences of his actions or how hes affecting everyone.
Be strong!! ♥

[Missamouse]

Oh girl...you can totally leave..I left my abusive husband with 3 children. Lost my home, car and became severely in debt.  It was hard - i'm not going to lie to you but it was the BEST decision EVER!!! I met the most incredible man and life is soo good!  Keep your chin up and remain strong - you or your daughter don't need this.  You are not alone you have all of your Cyber friends rooting you on....You deserve better - god is opening a door for you to leave - take it and get out!  Best of luck!!! I'll be praying for you!

[tinytoes201]

so he took it out on your car last week,what if he takes it out on you next week?  i know its hard but if i were you id leave him.with all the money your putting into the house you should manage a lil apartment or somthing small for youself and daughter and you could be settled in for when baby comes.it sounds to me like hes not happy,and so hes making you misrebell.. cut your loses and get out.you cant hang around waiting for him to grow up.. i went through somthing very similar a few years ago,i eventually got the courage to leave.my only regret was i didnt do it sooner. of corse i struggled and it was hard but i was so much happier and so were the kids.i got my indepence back and it was great.my kids keep me going and gave me streghnt.i eventually met another man and when i look at how he treats me compared to that other ****,it makes me wonder what was i even doing with somone like that,and just to add,my ex is still at the same thing,messing around,no job and drinking and obviously no time for kids so my kids dont see him or even remember him.but they wouldnt swap their step dad for the world.                  
            there is light at the end of the tunnel.good luck lets know how you get on x

[thickm]

here lately this has been typical for him, I think what triggered it was his old high school buddy moved to the city we live in and they have been hanging out everyday! and his friend drinks all day everyday! its like since his friend came into town my life has been a living hell.....and i have told him to leave and he tell me no because the house is in him and his moms name even though it wasnt bought until after we were married! my credit is bad from my last divorce so i wasnt on the paper work and even though its community property he thinks since its in his name i need to leave and fyi i am the only person in this house with any income, i guess he doesnt want to leave because he thinks he will have a little time before he loses the house! but one thing he forgot is all the bills are in my name so when i leave i cut everything off!!!!!!!!

[thickm]

i know i should leave but i dont have the strength too, this is not the 1st incident with him! tell last week he got so drunk with his friend then he left and went to the bar and when you came home he was beating the **** out of my new car! after a 3 day hangover he swore he was done drinking and a week later same thing! i know i need to leave theres not doubt in my mind but i am so scared to be alone, to start over and just have another drawn out divorce! i wish i was stronger thats why i asked for some motivational speaking for you ladies! I feel like a complete dumb *** for even being here now! i want him to change but i know its not going to happen and me making empty threats dont make the situation better!  AGHH I JUST WANT TO SCREAM

[jenkaye21]

I assume you are the one paying the bills, turn the tables, tell him HE needs to grow up or get out and that you will not tolerate drunkenness and verbal abuse in your home around your daughter. I he won't change, you are better off w/o him!  Scary, i know.  
One thought... is this typical for him?  or could he be stressed about the baby coming??

[smjmekg]

You don't want that kind of attitude around your daughter. She may be young, but I'm sure even if you don't fight in front of her she knows something's going on. You don't need to let your daughter see him and his friends drunk, and it's not a good environment for a baby. There's plenty of places that you can go to get help, do you have any close family or friends? A very good friend of mine has been married and divorced twice, she has three kids 6, 8, and 10 with the same man. She was a single mom working two jobs. You have one 5 year old and a baby on the way, you can do it alone. I know it would S&CK and it would be hard. The decision is ultimately up to you what you do. You can try to discuss your issues with your husband, or you can slam reality in his face get away for a little while and see how he handles it. It may change him and make him realize you mean business. Personally, if my husband told me I "always act stupid and never shut up" I'd give him a piece of my mind, pack my son's and my stuff, walk out the door, and wait for him to come crawling back. We do have our fights, and we do get mouthy sometimes, but I don't tolerate verbal abuse. My ex was very much so into the name calling...you name it, I got called it. I couldn't take it. I was so comfortable in that relationship that it took joining the Army and being away from him to leave him. I knew from day one just about that I'd never marry him and that I'd never have kids with him. But to start out with he was everything I thought I wanted, and so nice and caring. Well when the name calling started, I'd get mad at him and tell him I didn't like it and he said he'd stop and "change". YEAH RIGHT! From the day it started til a year and eight months later when I ended it with him I was the B word, S word, C word, there weren't many words left in the dictionary that I hadn't heard thrown at me. You haven't mentioned anything like this, but telling you that you always act stupid and never shut up isn't something your husband should say to you. I grew up with an alcoholic dad AND mom, and I can tell you first hand that's not something any child should have in their life. Like I said you are the ultimate decision maker here, this is your children and your life. You need to take a good hard look at that. If you can talk to your husband and make him understand how you feel, and him actually understand it and change then GREAT! But if not, you need to look at what's best for the future of yourself, your daughter and your unborn baby. I hope I wasn't too harsh, or offensive, but I feel very strongly about men and women treating each other with respect especially when there's children involved. You can PM me any time if you need to talk, vent, need advice, anything. Good luck to you, and stay strong. By the way, I'm not trying to convince you to leave, just letting you know if you feel you need to you can handle it.