sick of the depression

[babymama1985]

So ive posted on here before with the problems of my babydaddy but it seems to just get worse. It hurts still being in love with the man but now hes dating the woman he cheated on me with. Im 23 weeks for it seems that no matter what i do...how happy i try to be its just one blpw after another. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression a long time ago and was on prozac before i got pregnant but went off them abruptly when i found out i was pregnant. Hes pretty much nonexistent but the times we would talk or when he would come to the 3appts that he was actually at i would ask if he was seeing, dating, talking to anyone else .....it was always no no no....so i foubd he has been lying to me for who knows how long and i am just so torn up about how he doesn't care how he efdects me and in turn effects the baby. I dont understand men like that. How can u say u care about your son when all u do is prove everyday that

[babymama1985]

....didnt finish my paragraph lol. But when all he does is prove that he doesnt wanna reapect or be considerate of thw person who is carrying the life...its like saying hmm i know theres aomething important in that jewelry box but im gonna put it on the floor and kick it around and hope that fragile important thing inside is ok when its ready to come out. All he does os put me thru this emotional rollercoaster and im sp tired of it. I told him that he knoes when my due date is and he knows my number so he can call me when the time comes. Is that ok for me to say?
I also wanna know if anyone else was on antidepresaants while they were pregnant. And if u were did they help? Im calling my dr tomorrow to see what he says. I hope he will at least refer me to a psychotherapist or something like that. Ugh help!

[AnnieBrooke]

It is possible for a guy to care about his baby without caring for the baby's mother.  Please don't take his lack of interest in you and your medical issues with the pregnancy as being a lack of interest in the baby.  Time will tell about whether he cares for the baby, once it is born, but reserve your judgment on that question -- you sound like you think if he doesn't go with you to your medical appointments, he is going to automatically be a bad dad.  Not necessarily true, a lot of guys find pregnancy medical  appointments uninteresting.

Please don't make the mistake of hoping the baby will make him care more for you, you'll just stress yourself out further over him if you set up such expectations in your mind and they are dashed.  It's obviously not happening for him and you, he has moved on, relationship-wise, whether for bad or not.  

You have a baby coming that you need to focus on and be happy for, entirely separately from the daddy and his issues, who you should try to forget about a relationship with.  Sorry, but that is the way he's showing you it is.

[Factorymomma]

I was on prozac from weeks 13-26 of my pregnancy.  It helped immensely.

[Raevicious]

Honestly? I would just keep him in the dark about everything from now on until he shows real interest. Does this other girl know he's about to be a father? How is she ok with the fact that he has left a woman pregnant? If I were in your spot, I wouldn't let him in the delivery room, I wouldn't even let him know when youre in labor, because if he's acting like this, why let him keep his spot as the dad? Ignore his calls, because it sounds like he's just throwing you deeper into depression. My baby daddy started ignoring me and blocking my calls once I told him the test came out positive and the last thing I heard is 'I want a blood test when that thing comes out' so he is getting his test, but that's the only time he will ever hear from me. You can do this, talk to your family <3

[AnnieBrooke]

Sorry, my post went up before I saw your addition to your post.  All I can say is don't give away your power to him.  You say he "puts you through an emotional rollercoaster," but an emotional rollercoaster takes two people, one to do something the other reacts to, and the other to react.  Sometimes the first person doesn't do anything besides act sort of friendly sometimes and disinterested other times, and the other is so eager for a realtionship that she feels it as a roller coaster even when it wasn't intended that way.  

It sounds like the guy is showing by his actions that he is entirely done with a romantic relationship with you.  Maybe he'll step up and be a dad, when the time comes, but he's not raising his hand to step up and be a boyfriend ever again.  If you let this information sink in, it will make life easier for you, because you won't be torturing yourself with false hopes and leaping to every remark he makes like a trout to a fly.

Good luck, it's a rough position to be in.

[momabear86]

Annie basically covered everything. Maybe he didn't tell you because he knew it would upset you.
The relationship is over and you need to understand that but it doesn't stop you being a mom and him being a dad

[AnnieBrooke]

Raevicious, have the DNA test done in a certified fashion where he has to come to an official office and swab while a nurse watches, or a lawyer.  Don't just send him a kit, the jerk is likely to have his buddy do the swab.  Then send the test results and the demand for child support in the same envelope.

[Its_A_Boy2012]

Ima keep this short. At least he went to doctors appointment my babydaddy never came to any and I offer every time I go! TRUST ME YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE DEALING WITH A NO GOOD MAN!! Instead of worrying bout him you need to be concerned about your child. Easier said then done I know but you have to do it. Maybe when the baby come he will grow up and all will be good but then again maybe he won't and you have to do it alone. YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST TO DO IT AND I PROMISE YOU WON'T BE THE LAST. Stay strong for your child.

[babymama1985]

Maybe he didnt wanna upset me but maybe hes just a lying sack of poo. Theres all sorts of other things thay have happened. The fact that he says hr loves me but just cant be with me right now...but maybe in the future. I think the fact is that he kust wants to do what he wants at this point and doesnt wanna deal with the inconvenience of the pregnancy. I honestly dont see how anyone can say this is ok...donating sperm does a father make. Maybe he will step up but unfortunately i will not be rolling over and making it easy. He will have to makw the effort to call if he wants to see his son...je will havr to deal with supervised visits until i feel i can trust him.in anything. He has not shown any interest besides doing as little as he can and then turning around and saying he cares. Now im not trying to be mean but annie think of this. U just had your little boy and the father who has been nothing bit a piece of poo the entirw time and who as treated u as if u have done nothing important by creating this life thinks hes gonna come around and demand time with his son and oh yeah hes a newborn and he thinks hes gonna take him for the day when thats the time he is supposed to be havong to bond with his primary care giver oh amd to top it all off hes going to have ur baby around the girl he screwed around on u with...and playing house with ur little one....now tell me how you would react...true i still love him but i could get over that. Its the lying and deceit that really burns me. And just xuz youre not witj someone does not mean u should treat them like that. Especially when u still talk to tjat person and she is the mother of your child. I just think this situation was complicated enough witjout adding another person into it. It was going to be hard enough to let my baby go for a couple hours with just him.but now im gonna have to deal with some woman.thinking shes gonna play mommy with my baby.

[babymama1985]

Oh and ladies dont defend him...do i mention.the fact thay we got into a fight and the next night he went out and found this ho at a bar? Our relationship is over...and it pisses me off that i get treated like i am.not carrying his child inside me? How can the mom.not be important?  We bring this life in the world while the father sits back and gets to just reap rewards. And honestly annie...um.the men find appts boring? So what?  It is such a little thing compared to what we do as in pushing a baby out a hole the size of a grape. But yes lets just make excuses foe the men because pregnancy is so hard for them. Now u sound like thw father....its all on me and he has no contributions. Well i will tell u this in a perfect world i would ignore his dumb self but when u havw a child with someone u can nevee forget them. U will always have a connection. Oh and did i forget to mention that he doesn't think this is his kid or hes not sure it is. Even tho i was livibg at his house and on the phone with him 24/7. And never once even thought about cheating on him. I have to be accountable for my own.actions but no one is going to tell me that how he has actes and is acting is ok in any way shape or form.

[momabear86]

You keep going on how unfair it is well that's life! We carry, care and go through pain of labour. If you didn't want to do that then don't get pregnant! The fact is he may not care and may not be a dad but like others have said he won't be the first and Defo not the last. Give him the opportunity to be there but for all intensive purposes your on your own.

[babymama1985]

I realize that's life. I havr been thru other unfair things but no one will tell me that what he is doing is the right thing to do. Sorey but i just dont think thats true. I realize i cant control him and that's perfectly fine but i dont havr to give him anything either. What goes around comes around. No one gets away with anything like that...cuz look u have unprotected sex and the consequences are a baby. So u act like an uncaring selfish butt and there's things that happen in turn with that. I dont know the actions i should take after thw baby is born but i did leave the door open by telling him that he knows when the due date is and my number. Im sure by that time i will let him.know when i go to the hospital but as of right now (seeing as this just happened last week witg him ) i cant see anything good about him.or even give him.the benefit of the doubt at this point. Never said that couldnt change tho. Alot things can change by then and im only talking about myself in that too. Hes a hopeless cause to me.

[momabear86]

Then leave him at that. Everything you do now should be for you and the baby and no one else.

[momabear86]

Then leave him at that. Everything you do now should be for you and the baby and no one else.

[momabear86]

Then leave him at that. Everything you do now should be for you and the baby and no one else.

[momabear86]

Then leave him at that. Everything you do now should be for you and the baby and no one else.

[momabear86]

Then leave him at that. Everything you do now should be for you and the baby and no one else.

[momabear86]

Then leave him at that. Everything you do now should be for you and the baby and no one else.

[momabear86]

Then leave him at that. Everything you do now should be for you and the baby and no one else.

[momabear86]

Then leave him at that. Everything you do now should be for you and the baby and no one else.

[MamaBear0612]

I know this is hard, but focus on your baby and nothing else. You can't force a guy to be a man or to be a father. In some ways it does sound like he's shown some interest, going to at least some appointments with you. A lot of married women can't get their husbands to do that...right or wrong, men handle pregnancy differently than women do. You two are complicated and he's in another relationship, so it's only going to hurt you if you keep thinking he's going to be dad-of-the-year or act like you're his woman before the baby's born.

Afterwards, sometimes things do change, but I wonder this...if you do make it really hard for him to be a father after the baby's born, will you then complain that he's being a horrible man/deadbeat dad? I'm not saying put yourself out there, as long as you don't shut the door on him. I'm becoming a single mom myself, and I'm not with my baby's father, and yes, we've had our issues but I try to always think about what's best for my baby. If her father is willing and ready to be a really great dad, it doesn't matter if he's with me or what we've been through on a romantic level. For her sake, I've got to be the best mom I can be by allowing her to form a relationship with her father. I grew up with a really great dad, and if I can give that to her, it doesn't matter if he and I are together. I told him once I could find another boyfriend or even a husband, he is her father and that's not something I can replace.

[babymama1985]

Thats def something i think about. I see all the articles on hpw important a father is and i wanna kick my own self because of the anger i feel at this point in time. I wish i didnt feel it...no.matter what anyone thinks i do not enjoy feeling this way. He is dating/seeing/screwing someone else...whatever u wanna call it and yeah that hurts...especially when it was not even a day after a fight. I realize its a moot point but no one gets over hurt in a night. I do want him to have a relationship with his father. And a good relationship with me and his other family members on that side of his family....this is all how i feel now....but i still have 17the weeks to go. I know ny then things will be different because time truly does heal. But unfortunately this protective part of me doesn't knoe if he will take care of him.and put him.first in his life like he should and then i also have the other factor of the gf...and i know from first hand experience that the other woman will stick her nose into this and that i dont know how to handle. Personally i think this is mine nd his child and the decisions should be left to us. But he may not even step up or may not even be with her. Who knows? I know its horrible to say this but i dont want to share my son...especially not with his new gf that he cheated on me with....i will get past it...i always do. But as of right now thats how i feel lol. My son will have a father whether that is my ex or my own father or some othee man i meet way down the rd. Hes done a few things here amd there and those are the things that show me he cares at least a little. I def dont want to say hes a deadbeat until.i knkw for sure. And once i know then i can be like ok we will be ok with or without him no matter what. I guess i juat need time to heal and ppl are looking at me like ugh she is not even giving him.a chance...but when a man cheats on his pregnant gf its nlt a good feeling lol. Hopefully he will do the right thing .....whatever that is now.

[momabear86]

Then leave him at that. Everything you do now should be for you and the baby and no one else.

[momabear86]

Then leave him at that. Everything you do now should be for you and the baby and no one else.