Last date for elected D&E is tomorrow I just don't know what to do

[suzanna40]

Well I've been at hospital most of the day today, but I couldn't go through with the D&E as scheduled.  I'm now just over 23 weeks and tomorrow is the last date legally I can have an elected D&E in the UK.  I have another appointment scheduled for then, but don't know what to do.  My girl is having lots of severe issues and I have spent lots of time with threatened m/c's and my consultant thinks its just a matter of time.  We've had scans which show little chance, but I just can't seem to bring myself to make a decision, if I have a D&E tomorrow I know it would spare a lot of heartache in the future, but its breaking my heart now.

This is by no means easy and my partner and I work with Severe Brain Injury children and know how distressing and painful life can be for them and would not want that for my girl.  I hope no-one judges me for this as I am just being honest, when you live with this situation day to day and see first hand how these little ones suffer greatly with little and sometime no joy out of life no matter what you try to do to help, its so heartbreaking.  I also feel that I no longer want to be with my partner and have been feeling this way for a while now, I guess with all this sadness and losing our boy last year, I have just lost the love I once had for him, there's is too much hurt and I don't feel I can love with him the same again.  As always I would be grateful for any advice and hope that the ladies here read this with open hearts and minds and appreciate how difficult it is for me to share this, but I just needed to.  

[3beautifulbabies_1atrisomy18angel]

I wish you peace of mind & spirit. Make the decision that is best for you. I have been there, was strongly encouraged to discontinue the pregnancy by a genetics counselor. I suggest not to make any decisions other than this right now, losing 2 children so closely together your mind isnt right at this moment. Give yourself time to heal before any other decisions or another pregnancy. A broken heart & mind isnt capable of making that type of decision with clarity. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME, ONE MOMENT AT A TIME!

[superchoc]

i may not have understood properly but if you do not opt for a D+C does that mean a C section? i know babies are said to be viable at 24 weeks, if you are thinking of giving her a shot at life? i would open up to your husband, let him know how you feel and talk everything over. you sound so broken to the point you find it hard to love. i pray you over come everything. maybe talking to a councellor can help you get past this x

[shuga1109]

I am so, so sorry that you are going through this.  I can't imaging having to make a decision such as that.  I can totally understand how much pain and strain this type of situation can bring to your relationship.  I lost a baby at 11 weeks, but to have to make a decision such as that at 23 weeks is far more serious and more heartbreaking.  A grieving counselor helped me!  Only because my best friend died at 33 years old, a few weeks before I miscarried, and I had no one to talk to.  I truly sympathize and pray that you get through this ok.  Is this a decision you both want?  At a time like this, it is important to surround yourself with people who love you, understand you, and support you.  Who's to judge?  Take care, and only you know what's best.

[Jackie0313]

The decisions you make will be the best decisions.  You are making your decisions with knowledge, experience, and more importantly love.  The love for your girl, yourself and your partner.  It is okay to make the decision you already made.  May your heart hurt less knowing that what you are doing is right, for all involved.  If I could hug you say say it will be okay, I would.  

[kellym]

I think deep in your heart, you know what's best for your situation.  By reading your post, I see a lot of heartache but also knowledge about the situation.  It sounds like a horrible decision to have to make, but medically, I think you think it's the right one. Knowing the most likely outcome if you consider the pregnancy, you're right, there is much more heartache to come.  So sorry you have to go through this, I can't imagine the pain.