42 would like to have a baby

[roxy554]

i'm 42 and my husband and i want to have a baby we did the ivf and i got pregant but lost it when i was 6 weeks my ivf doctor said it was because my eggs were too old he advice me to go through a egg donor my husband don't like the ideal he wants to try to use my eggs again but the doc said i would have a another miscarriage. he saids if i want to have a baby that is my only option..is that true?are my eggs to old?is there anything i can do?

[Dreamonica]

Nylena Hope you can read this I am 41 and read about your case can you recommend me your Ivf clinic I would like to have your doctrs opinion my FSH is 4.9 I still want to use my eggs and keep donor eggs as last chance. My 2 nd ivf failed.  Thankyou for reading all this HOPE YOU are happY MOTHER.hugs AND CONGRATULATIONS. tHANKYOU FOR GIVING ME hOPE

[RunningL8]

Yes, this really is a tough situation.  I don't know too much about Islam, but is adoption allowed?  And if so, could you adopt a frozen embryo?  As you may know, many couples have extra, potentially viable embryos from past ivf cycles, and often they put them up for embryo adoption.  (We will donate extra embryos to another couple if we have any left over from donor ivf, if we do that, as my husband feels especially strongly that he does not want to create and then destroy embros.)  So perhaps there is a Muslim couple with extra embryos?  There are websites devoted to embryo adoption, or your RE may know of couples looking for homes for their embryos.  A second idea would be to seek counsel from a religious leader that your husband trusts.  Perhaps there are situations in which donor eggs are considered morally acceptable in Islam?  You deserve to have your wishes fully considered in this situation, and perhaps an understanding religious leader can help....I do hope so and wish you the best!

[andykk]

My heart feels for you...that is a toughie!!! we tried 2x with my own eggs, after the 1st try the doctor told us that my eggs didn't look good at all and my husband was ready to go to a donor at that point he knew how much i really wanted another child and wanted our child to have a sibling) and I wanted to go one more cycle on my own before we went the donor route, which proved to be true and VERY painful retrieval where I ended up in the ER at midnite...anyway, our doctor explained it this way...it is like building a house...the egg donor provides the framework (egg) and you put everything into it (pregnancy) to makes it a "home". We found a donor through our clinic w/ very similar features as myself and said lets do this. It is really funny...I get told all the time how much he looks like me, but my husbands genes are really dominant and both of our sons really look like him and much alike (even being 7 years apart). This is a touchy situation, but I have since then had two friends who have gone the donor route with iffy hubbies, and they are IN LOVE with their babies. I wish I could sit down w/ your hubby and have him see our little angel, and he would see how wonderful this decision can be. Also, we didn't tell anybody (my parents VERY religious) and they found out through a loose lipped nurse during predelivery who said "i have never met someone who has used an egg donor before...." thought my mom's eyes would pop out...BUT they think he is the most wonderful little guy ever. They, too, are in love w/ him and now that all is said we now the baby we have could have not been who/what he is w/ out going the route we did. Good luck!!! I hope this works for you!

[roxy554]

i have no problem going through egg donor i would rather go through that than trying to use my eggs again because i do not want to go through a miscarriage again but how do i talk him into to it? i cant do it alone if hes not willing.

[andykk]

Really too sad that you and hubby aren't willing to use donor eggs. Understand the religious thing (my family very religious) but we had to go the donor route due to my "bad" eggs (even though we had a six year old and I was 35 when all this went down.) We now have the most beautiful wonderful 1 yr old boy thanks to donor eggs. Doesn't matter how this little child came to us (donor, adoption, etc.) but it was the best decision EVER!
Good luck...

[roxy554]

THANKS FOR ALL OF THE ADVICE, BUT WE ARE WILLING TO TRY ONE MORE TIME USING MY OWN EGGS IF IT DOESN'T WORK THAN WE ARE  DONE..YOU SEE ITS AGAINST HIS RELIGIN HE IS A MUSLIM AND THEY DON'T BELIEVE IN THAT,HE ONLY SAID ITS BECAUSE THE DNA HE KNOWS ABOUT THE BLOOD RUNNING THROUGH MINE BUT HE SAIDS THAT HE WOULD THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME THAT ITS NOT MY DNA.I HAVE A CHILD BY PREVIOUS MARRIAGE IF I KNOWN WHAT I DO NOW I WOULD NOT HAVE LISTEN TO MY X HUSBAND HE DECIDED THAT HE DIDN'T WANT ANYMORE AFTER OUR DAUGHTER WAS BORN SO WHEN SHE TURN 2 HE SAID WE WAS GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER SO PRETTY MUCH TALK ME INTO GETTING MY TUBES CUT TIED AND BURN AND AFTER HE LEFT US I'M THINKING HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID AND THAT TIME I WAS 30 STUPID HUH

[AshleysMom]

A good friend of mine just had a baby, on her own, at 45.

Good luck!

[RunningL8]

Oh, I see I left a word out:  my friend finally did ivf with donor eggs, not her own, and that worked....

[RunningL8]

Your RE knows all of the specifics of your ivf cycle and miscarriage (follicle count, embryo number and quality, likely reason for your miscarriage, etc.), so it's hard for people who don't know all that to advise you.  I agree with nylena:  get a second opinion from another RE.  BTW, my husband was not initially open to the idea of donor eggs, but after two miscarriages and some time, we are both more open to the idea.  (The timing isn't great for us right now, as we are also adopting.)  But you and your husband might want to get a longterm plan in mind, if you haven't got one already.  For example, how many times would each of you be willing to try ivf with your own eggs?  If you can't have a biological child, do you still want to be parents (through donor egg ivf or adoption)?  Most people can't afford multiple ivf attempts and then the costs of donor ivf and adoption if the ivf never works.  I have one friend who went through 2 natural miscarriages and 4 failed ivf cycles before they decided to try ivf, which did finally work for them.  She is super excited, but feels they needed to go through all of those failures to be open to donor eggs.  They could afford to pay for all of these ivf cycles and switch to donor eggs, but that's probably unusual.  Best wishes to you whatever you decide!

[nylena]

Before anything,I would certainly try to see some other doctors! I don't know why he's so sure you've got old eggs but i don't think you're too old for that.I' m 41y, 23wpg-my eggs-,a friend of mine 43y -30w pg with twins ,my cousin just delivered a baby -age 45.Do some research if you can and then you can decide, good luck!

[40smama]

i went through ivf also trying my own eggs (I'm 44 - well 43 at the time).  Actually it was cancelled and I just couldn't face going through all of it again.  The news isn't encouraging for us older mommies trying to use our own eggs.  I was convinced that because I feel young, my eggs would also be likewise but sadly that's not the case most of the time.

I'm sorry that your dh doesn't like the idea of an egg donor.  I did get pregnant (am 18w1d) w/donor eggs and I'm so thankful that we did that.  I never even for a minute think that this baby isn't mine genetic or otherwise.  We share a lot of things like the same body, blood, etc.  I have children from a previous marriage and I can honestly say that I don't feel any different about this baby than I did with my others.

Sorry to make this post so long but I thought maybe you might feel some encouragement to consider donor eggs anyway.  Good luck and much ssbd!! - jennifer (18w1d)