I feel empty, emotionally down after losing my baby.

Question

It was still a bad news for me when i whent for my app. yesterday. My doctor said even i wans't feeling cramps all signs was pointing for miscarriage. At  9 weeks she should be abe to hear a heart beat, and she didn't, My blood level should be increasing instead decreasing. She was very sensitive and supportive when she was telling me this horrible truth. Even after  all that I heard, my heart couldn't take it. I had hope because beside that little spot off bleed i had no cramps. Came home after that so sad, wishing my doctor was wrong. But, she wasn't.  At night, the same day i started feeling camps. After nidnight i felt something very havy falling off when i went to the toilet. I could feel that my baby was gonne. I'm still crying for my baby. How can somebody tell " was just a fetus or embrio?!" The only thing I now is that i am so empty inside. And I feel, now, this sad experience others had. Feel sorry for all loss. And i will keep praying for all u guys to keep having a healty pregnancy. 
I Went to see my dc today, she did another U/S and she said that I dont need D&C because I am almost clean, only have pieces of tissue to come out. I am steel bleeding, not so havy. Like a menstrual period. Also, I am still having cramps. My doctor wants to see me again in two weeks. 
For some of u who had this sad experience of miscarriage, can  you give  me an advise about what is a wise thing to do in my case? Should I ask for some medical precedure to clean those tissue she said is still inside or should I take it easy and wait for the mother nature to do all by itself? Please your advise will be very appreciated. Thank u all.

usuk · Answer

i'll just add on thought to the already great support. i had 3 MCs but my third never got to a heartbeat stage. it is the only one i feel just a tiny bit better about. it just was not genetically viable. so i can see why there might be a doctor or a friend that tries to dismiss it medically, even though emotionally there is no dismissing it. most of us here have had the same experience, but there is another forum on this site just for MCs if you want more support or advice. god bless.

faith42819 · Answer

Thanks a lot to every one. I know u guys care about my loss and i feel blessed being part of this forum. Yes, i am religious. Jehovah God has been my biggest support day night. Wish u all a healt pregnancy. Thanks again from the botton of my heart.

babylove6 · Answer

I am so sorry for your loss. The other ladies gave excellent advice, mourn the way you want and take care of yourself. Most of us do understand what you are going through (including myself). I know I leaned on these ladies for support even when I wasn't actively writing (read alot of everyone else's posts) and listened to the support and advice and true concern and heartfelt notes to others. I've always would go into a depression after my m/c's and couldn't talk to anyone, to the point where my friends would call and say they were going to stalk me if I didn't answer the phone. Now is the time you your family, friends, and people who truly care...we will be here for you. Good luck and God Bless. Kim

Annij · Answer

My heart goes out to you. You may not be religious, but I will pray for you--that you heal, become whole and conceive again very soon.  As painful as this is, do not lose heart.

SuzM · Answer

When I had my first miscarriage people said things like, "well at least you lost your child before having to go through childbirth."  and  made comments about the baby only being a "fetus" and not a real baby yet. I know they were trying to comfort me but it was totally out of sync with what I felt in my heart. For those of us who feel attached the second we know we are pregnant, it is not an embryo or a fetus growing inside of us, but our child. We plan and dream and shop and prepare and we care for that child intensely so when we miscarry, we are not "losing a fetus", we are losing one of our children and all of the hopes and dreams that go with it. I understand your feeling of emptiness. I felt the same way. You need your time to grieve and look after yourself. There are lots of women in this forum who understand completely even though the experience must be somewhat different for us all and we all find our own ways to cope. I'm terribly sorry this happened.

rubyinparadise · Answer

i'm so very sorry you are going through this. my heart really goes out to you. i miscarried naturally in April, like you are in the process of doing. the things that helped the physical process to complete for me were a heating pad on my tummy, and warm baths. i was terribly sad and cried a lot. i talked a lot to the baby that i had lost. i still get tears in my eyes thinking about those days.

i also wrote down everything i was feeling during the miscarriage and afterwards. a friend of mine who is a reiki master helped me to do a "letting go" ceremony a couple of months later when i was ready. first i had to get through the physical experience, then i had to deal with it emotionally and spiritually. it takes time, so be patient and kind to yourself, the same way you would be to your best friend.

there were people who understood and people who just wanted me to get over it asap. just lean on the people who understand. sending you lots of love.

Victoria01 · Answer

I am so sorry to hear about your baby. I know how hard it can be to understand the reasons behind it. The most important thing is to let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. This was your BABY. Don't let anyone try to say that is wasn't. I know it's tough, but the pain will lessen over time. Just remember your baby and try and take of yourself. Take it easy for awhile and mourn your lost. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

tinkerbell101 · Answer

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your baby, I have been following your story and praying for a good outcome. Take care of yourself surround yourself with people who care about you, I will continue to pray for you that you are given strength to carry you through.

JourneyJoJo · Answer

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss.

Pum · Answer

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I'm also sorry if people say insensitive things. They probably mean well and are trying to help even if they say hurtful things.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break to get over your loss. I found the bleeding went on and on and I thought it would never end, but it did. Your body knows what to do so give it a chance to do its thing. If you feel unwell or bleed heavily you might need to have treatment otherwise nature will take its course.
Be strong.

ita17 · Answer

ahhh, I'm so sorry.  Experiencing a miscarriage is one of the worse things I have ever been through in my life. I have had 3, & they were all sad.  I cannot begin to understand why a women would have an abortion, the moment we know we are pregnant, we fall in love w/this little person inside growing.  It's such a miracle.
I agree, & don't think you will need a DnC, I have to tell you that w/my 2nd mc, I mc'd naturally & it was the most painful one I had.  I had cramps..BAD cramps for at least 3-4 days.  I thought for sure something was wrong, but it wasn't.  I did had a big 9cm cyst in one of my ovaries, & thats probably why it was so painful.  
Take it easy, & you will probably feel depressed for several days.  With my last mc, it was a missed mc @ 11 weeks, & I had to have a DnC & I was in so so sad, cried for days, just felt horrible ;(
Hang in there, & you will be fine ;)
lot's of xxxx's ;)

adgal · Answer

I am so very sorry you are going through this. Well meaning people said similar things to me...it wasn't really a baby, and so on.  They were trying to make me feel better, but it was very hurtful at the time.  In my opinion the worst part of a first trimester miscarriage is the emotional side of it.  Fortunately the physical heals quickly.  

As to whether or not to have a D&C, it doesn't sound like you need to.  I guess my best answer would be it's not the best idea to have a surgical procedure, no matter how minor, if your body has already taken care of it for the most part.  Your Dr. will monitor you and should the rest not clean itself out she will then decide to do a D&C.  Physically, it sounds like the worst is over for you.

Now make sure you are very good to yourself.  Talk, cry and allow yourself to mourn in whatever way you need to.  Take your time and know that we are also here for you if you need a "shoulder" or just to let it out.  Sadly, many of us have been where you are and we do understand.  Take good care, and I hope you are able to find peace and healing soon.