Anyones hubby or BF turned off by your pregnant body??

[blueeyedtabbycat]

Ok , Here goes...I can say that me and hubby have only had sex twice since I got pregnant!! I dont know what the deal is....I cant ever remember having this problem when we were pregnant before:( I have asked him if he still finds me attractive and he always says yes. And I am always hinting that we should go fool around but all I get are answeres like, Im too tired or I dont feel good. WTF...Sorry about the laungage but I have needs too!! I dont know what to do. He dosent even cuddle with me anymore. I am so lonley and sad. I know he is a work a holic but sex has never been an issue before:( I am seriously starting to doubt myself as a woman! I know that he is turned off by bigger woman. When he met me I was only 95lbs....now I weigh......well lets just say when I deliverd both my other children I was about 20lbs lighter than I am now at 20weeks along:(
Has any one eles had this problem with their other halfs???? I need advice.......

p.s I know he has been watching porn... that really hurts:( cry!)

[motherofan18month]

i have watched prn with my hubby, but most of the time we ended up turning it off in the middle, because he actually would lose interest in it. he;s not the sit and watch type of guy and he hates to be just sitting around period. we are always going for a ride or im helping him do work around the house. while i was preggo with DS, my hubby would practically praise me. he bought me a rose every day for 7 months and then he just started buying me things for DS , clothes, toys, bottles, etc. he loved it when i was preggo, we practically would have sex every day sometimes twice a day. i have questioned whether or not he was into me after watching porn and he gets defensive and wants to stop but i really truly beleive he tells me the truth. we have been together for 8 1/2 years and i was his first. i do aggrivate him about seeing other people or cheating on me and he flips out and " if i wasn't in love with you, and didn't want to be with you, then i wouldn't have married you and had a child with you, and i wouldn't be with you if i had thoughts of cheating or thoughts of other women" and i beleive that to be true he has always been truthful with me. we are like soulmates and i wouln't have it any other way. seriously just sit and talk to him dont jump to conclusions when he gets defensive just be patient with his feelings as well, maybe you can meet somewhere in the middle! best of luck!

[kelliestarr]

Awww I'm sorry to hear about that. How awful you must feel I really wouldn't know how to handle this one it would drive me crazy!!!

[MIMI1980]

LOL, my darling bf still loves my body tho now he seems to have a hare trigger (in other words he gets a bit too excited a bit too fast and its all over in seconds) i dont mind so much as it doesnt happen all the time just every so often since i have been pregnant lol bless him!

[JoyRenee]

blueeyedtabbycat, I just want to wish you the best of luck!!! I stopped following the thread after my last post on here because I just don't want to debate with people. But I saw you replied so I came to read your response.

I truly hope your hubby and you can reach an understanding and it may take time. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

[miko_latte]

My hubby loves my body...he says I still have a sexy body even though I'm pregnant, it still turns him on just as fast as it did before I was pregnant, luckily. Our sex life really hasn't changed...I think it's increased more. =D

[blueeyedtabbycat]

Wow I can honestly say I didnt expect so many responses!! I know this is a very touchy subject. I have a lot of friends that dont mind and do watch with their partners. I am the oppisite....I feel cheated on and betrayed. My hubby knows this and there for hides it. He dosent know that I know about it...I only have only found prof on 2 occations. So maybe that was it, IDK. I do know that he hasnt been feeling well and is stressed about his job. So maybe thats it:( But he does have a healthy sexual appetite...I just hope he finds his confort with me....
Thank you ladies for all your advice and all your opions:) I will be thinking about it from both prespectives.
JoyRenee I have always thoought that was why men watch it and thats why I feel the way I do about it....I am sure not all men feel that way,. but your hubby got the jest of it.
I guess we have more problems than I would like to admit:( I havent  talked to him about any of this cause I dont want to start a fight and the time never seems to be right, but I will find a way to bring it up soon.
I think I need to work on myself some though not that it should be an issue but I'll admit that I have let myself go:( What man would want to come home to a woman that has been in sweats all day without a stich of make up and hasnt even brushed her hair, and exspect to feel that desire for them.
Maybe I will find a sitter for the weekend and set up some candles and seduce my hubby. Im sure I could find a sexy nighty or something, lol:)
But to end this I am really grateful for all the advice and comments/opinons:)

P.S Sorry about the spelling:)

[JoyRenee]

gr8grl, I definitely don't want to argue. I am not naive and I realize what times we're living in and that men have "drives". What I was relaying to the original poster is what my husband, who used to be a porn addict, said. He also got the guys on his XBOX LIVE game talking about it and it all boiled down to the same thing: men look at porn for that forbidden fantasy and fantasize about the porn star, not their wife. He's admitted to me that he has thought of other women while with me and my husband and I are VERY DEEPLY IN LOVE. I think that in a guy's mind he feels safe to explore those depths of porn and sexual addiction if his wife is sitting next to him, patting his knee and encouraging it.

And no, I don't look at other men. I make it a point not to. I don't do double-takes, I don't gawk, and I don't let the thought cross my mind. I don't think certain actors are hot, or athletes... my eyes are for my husband and I keep my eyes on him.

[martikadragoon]

blueeyedtabbycat~ him getting defensive is proof that it's an addiction.  My dh still tries to say he's not addicted (After asking me to block the tv and internet porn in our home at the time he admitted addiction)... he now tries to say that it's not a problem any more. BUT I did find a stupid Barely Legal dvd a couple weeks ago, I got ticked, and he snapped it in half. (He'd forgotten it was in the box I pulled out)

Maybe take some extra measures... or ask him if he wants you fantasizing about other guys? Turn the tables and ask him how he feels.. but turn them in a normal not mean way.

I agree that some guys can watch the stuff without being addicted, but it changes things when they get defensive and hide it.  if it's "normal" a normal man wouldn't hide it.

We did watch a "pornish" movie together a while back, it was a movie w/a true storyline but lots of sex. . . he really liked it, I just laughed at how the ppl looked so funny/fake. lol, like human bunnies. literally.  but he enjoyed it, and I agreed to 1X a mo or so for US to watch together... I didnt' follow thru tho since I feel so fat being preggo. (4mo) and he's always mentioning my preggo belly. ugh.

[g8r grl]

I agree with you completely! I only think it's a problem if it becomes an addiction or if they watch it instead of having sex with their partner. I also agree that it's more bothersome when you're pregnant and feeling not-so-sexy.

At least I know there's someone! Thank you!

[precious03]

Honestly, my DH and I have watched it a time or two together, and I know that even now he occasionally still does!  Normally no, it doesn't bother me except when I am pregnant because it makes me feel more self concious!  I only feel it is a problem if it is an addiction or if they feel they need to watch it to get aroused!!

[g8r grl]

This entire situation is difficult to discuss with typed words. It's hard to judge people without knowing them....but I just gave my honest opinion. I think our different points of view have a lot to do with where we live/how we were brought up/religious views. My post was a response to someone who said something like they would be really upset if their husband ever thought of someone besides them.

I do not believe that looking at porn leads to cheating...I also don't think it's a form of cheating. Again, I know that things get way out of hand and people addicted...but my husband and I have been together for 7 years and things are going great. All relationships are different and I was not classifying men into categories...I'm just pointing out that some people can have healthy relationships and still masturbate and look at porn (in moderation). Don't you ever see men when you're out and about during the day and think "wow, they're really hott!" I'll tell my husband when I think someone is good looking and he'll tell me the same. Man! I guess I'm just a goose among a bunch of ducks (duck duck duck goose is where I'm going with this one!)

I know porn bothers a lot of people...especially when you're pregnant. We just keep it out in the open in my relationship and it works for us. If you're offended by masturbation/porn/sex toys then definitely don't go reading the "Sexual Health" forum. It's full of that stuff...and most of the those people have healthy relationships as well.

And for the record--Just because you watch porn in privacy doesn't mean that you'll be thinking about someone else when you're having sex with your partner. Masturbation is completely healthy and normal and is a great stress reliever! It also can get rid of a headache...I'm not kidding. If my husband or myself finds out that one of us was "relieving stress" earlier in the day, we're all over each other that night. Don't your husbands ever do that before sex so that they'll last a really long time? I'm sure there is SOMEONE out there who feels the same way! I'm on the wrong forum...

Sorry to tick you all off...just the way I see it.

[joshuawatkin]

I wish my b/f was turned off but he is totally the opposite and i have just sooooo lost my sex drive, ive told him to go and buy a blow up doll  lol...

[JustMe0925]

I agree with you 100%%%%%.  I also was talking to my hubby last night about this post.  He kinda laughed at first, but then we ended up talking about it for about 30 or so min.  My hubby and I never watched porn together.  I just don't think we need that to get turned on by eachother ((we need no help, we are very much into eachother)).  I guess it is for some poeple but NOT me.  Like I said before and I told my hubby last night (which he agreed) when you are married and you look at porn, that is a form of cheating.  When you are married why in the hell do you want to look at something else....If you feel you need to look at some other woman/man then that means you are not happy with what you have at home.

[JoyRenee]

I just read your post to my husband and he said, "Pregnant porn was my favorite when I was into that stuff. And I can guaran-daggon-tee you that if your husband is looking at porn it CAN and WILL lead to an affair. One thing will lead to another. 'My wife doesn't care if I look at porn so I'll go to match . com.'"

Now that is realism.

[JoyRenee]

My comments were from my husband's point of view and I quoted him verbatim. I have a major issue with porn. It is a perversion and I don't think it is okay to look at someone else and lust after them. Yes, we all mess up and no one is expected to be perfect. I never once said that.

And actually, there is pregnant porn out there. Some men find it very sexual and exciting. I find it strange you call yourself a realist when you're trying to categorize men into a once-size-fits-all position. Not all men crave sex, porn, or masturbate. Just as not all women cook, clean, and primp their hair every day.

I think my major issue with porn is that men use it as a crutch and excuse to fantasize about something they'll never have. It's just revolting. Man up and commit to your vows (to love, honor, cherish till death do us part). I don't think fantasizing about some porn star while having sex with your wife is considered honoring or cherishing her.

I understand you have differing views. But I am talking to tabbycat and advising her based on her own feelings and opinions. It bothers her, so that is where my advise is going.

[chantal21]

I guess my husband is a little odd?? lol....He thinks I am super sexy even though I am 37 weeks pregnant. I know this is like too much information, but our sex life is still great, even now! at least 6 days a week...lol. (I will admit, my husband works long hours, so there are times he is just too tired!!) Maybe because we are still kinda newly weds?? I dunno. We have been married for almost 2 years now. I am just glad my husband is attracted to me still. Sometimes I feel sexy, sometimes I don't, as long as my husband keeps telling me I am, I feel good no matter what.
As for the porn, I'm sure every man struggles with it to some degree. My husband is not addicted to it, but if he slips up, at least he is honest with me. I would be upset if he wasn't honest, but we are very open with eachother and don't feel the need to hide things. We are married and should be able to talk about things openly, no matter how touchy. I am just very thankful to have a man like him!!
I would just try to be as gentle as possible when talking to him about it. My husband always tells me if I have a problem with him to approach him gently, and he will most likely listen whole heartedly and consider what I am saying to him.

[g8r grl]

Am I the the only one who doesn't care if my husband looks at porn? I'd rather he look at girls that he could never have then to pursue someone in real life. We use to watch it together many years ago when we were 18/19...but kind of grew out of it. We get Playboy delivered to the house and I couldn't care one bit. I look through it and read the party jokes and advisor...it's a pretty good magazine! Very funny. That being said, I understand there are limits and some men are truthfully addicted. My husband is not addicted, but does it for enjoyment and I don't mind at all. I'd rather know about instead of finding out by accident.

I'd be kidding myself if I thought that my husband only thinks about me and no one else. Do I ONLY think about him? No way...just being honest. Men masturbate, whether you like it or not. Do you expect your husbands/boyfriends/fiances to be fantasizing about a pregnant woman?! HA! I'm a realist. I know what I look like post baby...I don't blame him!

[JoyRenee]

From my hubby's mouth to your eyes:

"If he's at a point where he's arguing it's no big deal then he's not at a rational state. He's not going to be objective. You've got to be gentle and not offensive or angry or he'll instantly put up the defenses. [I didn't say that you did react that way, this is just what DH is saying.]  But at the same time you must be real with your feelings and say THIS IS HOW I FEEL WHEN YOU WATCH PORN."

Okay and DH just said this as well: "When a man watches porn and then goes and has sex with his wife, he's not thinking about his wife. He's thinking of the fantasy, the forbidden fantasy because there is an aura and forbidenness about porn stars. It is a perversion of sex and intimacy. And sex is supposed to be sacred between a man and woman [without going into deep theological stuff]."

I'm not trying to tell you this to be mean or make you feel bad. My hubby just wants to emphasize to you that you guys have to work through this. A marriage can't work correctly if the man is in secret sin while the woman looks the other way, pretending it doesn't happen. You've got to be on the same page.

What I do with my husband is we created this understanding that I will not freak out if he messes up. That he can come to me when he is tempted, let me know that he's struggling, and we'll work out our owns ways of distraction.

Most of the time men are looking at porn because they're stressed or bored. You must become his accountability partner and if he can't come to you, he needs a GUY friend who he can count on to keep him on the straight and narrow.

[blueeyedtabbycat]

Thanks! A mans point of view would be great right now. Hubby is on his way home so... If I dont  check your hubbys response tonite, I will do so right away tomorrow! Thanks Joy:)

[JoyRenee]

I'm talking to DH about this so he can tell you from the man's point of view. "Honestly do you want to be with somebody who is going to want/need to look at other women or someone who only has eyes for you? If he loves you, and truly wants to be with you, then he needs to make an effort to put the porn down. This doesn't mean he'll be perfect, but he needs to make an EFFORT. Porn is LUST, not love. Men look at porn because of bbies."

My husband is very blunt. He even got a discussion going on his XBOX LIVE asking them why men look at porn.

I'm asking him how he can talk to your husband about this but he's formulating his thoughts. I'll reply once he's figured it out in his head.

[blueeyedtabbycat]

You hit the nail on the head!! He knows how I feel and I have confronted hima and talked to him about it before but all I got out of him was the same things you mentioned!! He was sooo defensive. And said that I was blowing it out of proportion!!
I guess I really dont care about the porn if only he would pay attention to me sometimes:(  And that I didnt know about it.Everyone keeps telling me that men will be men, but UGH its so frustrating!!!!

[JoyRenee]

My BIL told my sister point blank that he hates pregnant bodies, that they disgust him. She's had three of his children. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Anyway, porn is an addiction and obsession. The only way you'll get anywhere on that situation is to talk with him. He will be defensive. He'll probably try to make it seem like "no big deal" and that you're "blowing it out of proportion". So it is important that you remain level-headed and not flip out. Just tell him that it makes you feel worthless, that you're not good enough, and that you want to be his ONE and ONLY.

I'm way bigger than before I had children (50 lbs heavier) and I feel as though my DH treats me different in that regard, too, but he doesn't look at porn. He's struggled with it but we've breakthroughs in this situation because he knows how it makes me feel and he knows how it makes HIM feel (he doesn't LIKE it and yet he used to do it---that is what addiction is). We've come to understandings. We have a program on our computer that will email me if he visits any sites.

[Riot_Queen]

Maybe he's depressed about something... y'know?
Maybe, if the pregnancy was unexpected, he didn't want you to get pregnant again.

I would say that maybe he's afraid of hurting you or the baby, but that wouldn't make sense seeing that you've been pregnant and active before, ontop of that, he's watching porn.

My fiancee n I are VERY active... atleast 5 times a week... but sometimes I don't really feel like it either and I tell him, "No, not tonight..."
And he'll try to push my buttons, and sometimes I'll give in, and sometimes I'll stand my ground.

He didn't lose his virginity till he was 17 when he met me, and vise versa.
So before he met me, he was a porn addict I guess you could say.
lol
And if it wasn't for me yelling at him for it, he'd probably STILL would be watching porn.
But he ended up talking me into watching things like porn BLOOPERS or funn porn cartoons... something we could BOTH enjoy.
Or for old times  sake... "Real Sex."
Stuff that's not supposed to get you "Aroused" but something just to make you laugh and enjoy it for what it is, and not really as something sexual.
Try talking to him and see if he'd watch those WITH YOU and enjoy it, rather than be by himself sneeking and "Getting Off" to it behind your back.

Cuz one thing I wouldn't be able to STAND is if my Josh were fantasizing about other girls and instead of me.

Luckily Josh isn't like that and he loves me for what I am, a fat preggo *** or not.
Even before I got pregnant I was still a lil tubby lumpkins...

Sounds like he's just really depressed and wants to keep to himself for a while.
Cuz I've had a serious case of depressiong back when I was 14, and it makes you just not care about ANYTHING.
All I wanted to do was what *I* wanted to do, and I didn't wanna be near or ascociate with anyone else...

Try talking to him and ask him how he's feeling and what's really on his mind.

[JustMe0925]

I wish I had that problem..minus the porn part.  My hubby and I only had sex about 9 times since I been pregnant and I am 31.5 weeks today.  MY CHOICE..It is just not comfy to me right now, not enjoyable and very discomforting afterwards.  He's pretty good for a while with leaving me alone but then I guess he reaches his limit of "wait" so I have to give in, but The sad thing is, I think I want to do it too until it happens and then I regret it....My poor man.  Oh!! my man knows better than to be looking at some porn..I kinda see that as cheating in a way.  I would tell him that it makes you feel bad and it hurts your feelers when he does it..especially now that you're preggo.  Tell him the next time he thinks of looking a porn to look at you instead and have some fun with you..