Yup....you read it right. I think I have Post Partum Depression. It doesn't surprise me because I have struggled with depression my whole life. I never had it this bad though. I want to cry everytime I see Conner and hold him, I cry a lot in the shower alone, when I think about the perfect family that I have. I second guess wether DH still loves me or not...which I Should know better when it comes to him. He has become more loving as a husband and father since the birth, but for some reason the thought is always there.
Today.....when I had to change Conner for the first time after his circumcision....I bawled like a squealing pig. There was some blood in his diaper, and his gauze was stuck pretty bad, and I just couldn't do it. I was shaking and crying, and I had t have DH do the gauze. I was NEVER this emotional with my other boys, both who were cicrumsized as well. I never had an issue taking care of it. I just fed Conner his bottle as DH did the dressing on his penis, and I couldn't even look. Conner would pull his legs and kick his legs as hubby tried very hard to do it as gently as possible...Conner didn't even cry, but boy there were tears flooding my living room lol.
DH tried his best to comfort me while he was doing it, and afterwards. I just held Conner as close as I could and bawled. I don't regret having it done so I don't know why it bothered me so bad with him, as it was a breeze to do with the other 2.
I feel like such a bad mommy because I couldn't change his diaper. And just looking at him makes me tear up lol. Im crying as I write this......
Do you ladies think im going through PPD? Or do you think it's hormones/my emotional attachment to Conner?
I haven't started my depression meds yet because I am trying to breast feed. Should I skip the breastfeeding attempts and just take my meds?
I think everyone gets the blues in the beginning from hormones and lack of sleep and feeling overwhelmed. It isn't PPD until you have absolutely no interest your son which it sounds like to me isn't the case at all. Also don't be upset about not changing his diaper... you are his mother and you feel bad about him being hurt and worrying about making it worse. I probably wouldn't have been able to do it either... it doesn't matter that you've done this before... this is a different baby and its normal to react differently to things.
im so sorry your going through this but i could relate to you.. i had it pretty bad at the begging also i would cry all the time and i did to cry the first time i saw his pee pee after his cercumcision...;( it will get better though just talk it out with someone. i did it made me feel better but i was crying the entire time i was talking... sorry if you need to talk to someone you can pm me i will reply to you and listen.i understand how you feel.
It'll tell about a study they did, and I thought it was interesting. So BTS read and I really think it'll help you decide to stop or keep breastfeeding and still take your meds
I hope it helps. There is 3 pages, and it has some really good points and studies following babies who breastfed while the mother was on anti-depressants. And followed these kids closely through preschool or kindergarten!
BTS~ I say give it a couple more days and if you still feel bad then to go ahead and start your medications. OR you can ask the dr. about meds that are safe to BF on.
My doctor told me that PPD usually hits at week 3 post partum. Sometimes before then, but if it's before then they consider it just baby blues that'll go away. I delt with my "baby blues" up til a week or so ago. My boy is almost 9 weeks old.
Thanks ladies. Im trying to work the courage up to change him, I will atleast be there and watch when DH does it lol, which is good enough to do right now lol. I just feel so weird because I have never been this emotional over a circumcision before. I love my baby, and it just hurts to see him in pain. It's not like with my toddlers, they can run to me and say *mommy I hurt my finger* then I can make it all better, but Conner can't do that, and even though I know what it is that hurts, I don't know if my holding him and kissing him and cuddling him makes him feel any better. DH says he thinks it makes Conner feel better, but I dont think so because im such an emotional wreck lmao.
It could be the sleep deprivation, and hormones. But if thats the case....why isn't hubby an emotional wreck? He is going through the same as me, minus the sore boobs and hormones lol. Im even scared to pick him up because I dont want to squish his diaper and hurt his pee pee lol. Im trying to work up the courage, but DH said even if I can't, he will do all the diaper changes for the next week until it heals.
We will see....I just hope that these Baby Blues goes away soon, I feel like a basket case lol but I guess it is better then having PPD and not wanting my son, because then down the line in the future I know I would feel very very guilty.
BTS~ Maybe your man isn't an emotional wreck because this is new to him, taking care of a new baby and not being over seas! He also did have to deal with the contractions himself, so he hasn't had the overhwelming toll taken on him! :) I say you sound like your doing good, just let your man take care of him for a while, and let him enjoy being a great dad!
LOL I would have given everything for him to have felt the contractions lmao. Im doing okay, I got through a diaper change 30 minutes ago...I only watched but I didn't cry this time....even though I really wanted to. Im actually scared to fall asleep....Im worried that im so sleep deprived (been up since 2:30am) that I wont hear him cry. I know I need sleep, but im just scared. I know they say not to sleep with baby, but I had him curled up in his blankey on the couch this afternoon when we took our naps.
I know it will be tough for a few days, but I will work through this. Hubby is totally understanding which helps a ton, so I know I can relax a little bit. But then I feel like he is hogging my baby! lol. It's a no win situation lmao. I like the help and appreciate it, but then im jealous and get mad because he is hogging Conner lol.
Uhg! I need another cup of coffee...and maybe I will lay on the couch for a little bit. Conner seems to sleep better in the living room with the TV lol. I gave him some Tylenol so maybe he will feel better and sleep more tonight.
Well, you know if you two can sleep in the living room, then do it I say. Maybe make a comfy bed on the floor and that way conner cant fall and you wont roll on him or anything! Oh i'm sure you will hear him cry, you boobs will leak! LOL
Oh I can tell Baby Conner is completely loved ever so much! :-)
Hi BTS i feel for you - like the other mom's said its maybe just the baby blues - boobies sore and sleep deprivation - but maybe its good to speak to your Dr as well. I had my share of PND as well normally started a little bit later for me - also always worried about little one and crying for nothing. Never had any bad feelings towards my little ones but did feel as a inadequate mom. In the past you had to deal with everything on your own now with daddy there and helping which is great it can make you feel even more inadequate and that baby almost don't need you.
BTS- your hubby isn't going thru it because he's a man and they're wired completely differently. All ppl handle stress differently. I get upset and hubby gets tense and gripes at me. ... it's all each persons personality. Things will get better I promise!
I think DH and I are going to make a slumber party out in the living room tonight. I sleep better on the couch anyways because my mattress hurts my back, and I don't wake up everytime I feel hubby moving lol. So the sleep I do get is deep and undisturbed. I can also lay my arm over the couch and on Conner, as he prefers to sleep in his bouncer than his crib lol. I can't do that in my bed because it's like 50 feet off the ground lmao.
So I think im going to curl up with my blanket and pillow, and get some sleep. My mom offered to take Conner and the boys for the night tomorrow....but I can't see being away from my baby for a whole night lol. I would be up walking around the house not knowing what to do with myself lmao. It would be nice to get caught up on some sleep, but I don't know. He is only 4 days old....and thats to soon for me to go a night without him lmao.
Anywho Im going to try and get some sleep...Hubby said he will take night shift tonight if I can take day shift lol. Im going to attempt to change Conner's diaper at 2am on his next feeding, I need to get passed this fear, I know it probably hurts me more than him...so we will see how that goes.
I will do my best to post tomorrow.....but if im taking day shift I might not have the time lol.
I don't think it is depression. I think these are normal post-partum feelings (baby blues is different from PPD). You're feeling all of this because your hormone levels are plummeting. Things WILL get better. You're not a bad mommy at all.
Depression would include thoughts of harming yourself or others. Depression would also feel a hopelessness and inability to want to live, act, function. Depression also inhibits you from participating in society, etc.
But if you're crying because you're watching your baby and feeling blessed. Or crying because you don't want to hurt him when you change his diaper--- that's not depression. Give yourself some time and LET yourself cry!
The majority of mothers go through the "baby blues" in the first 2-3 weeks after the birth of their child which, as others has pointed out is due to plummeting hormone levels and is exacerbated by lack-of-sleep. Feeling overemotional, crying for no apparent reason, feeling elated for no apparent reason are very common and typical of the "baby blues" .
Post partum depression typically isnt diagnosable this early after birth due to some overlapping symptoms with the "baby blues" and the "baby blues" will self-correct after a few weeks when hormone levels have stabilized. If, after 1 month you still experience feelings of depression or just dont feel yourself, let your doctor know - they have an unbiased quiz you can take that will help determine if you are suffering from PPD and how severe it is and you and your doctor can determine the best plan of action.
Women who have suffered depressive episodes before tend to be more susceptible to PPD which is likely why your doctor has prescribed antidepressants for you. Also bear in mind, it can take a few weeks for the medication to take effect.
I found this on a website and hope it helps a bit in showing the difference between baby blues, PPD and Post partum psycosis.
PPD does not mean you want to hurt yourself or your baby every person might have different symptoms. I had all these symptoms of PPD was diagnosed with it and later found i had Hashimoto's disease which can give you the same symptoms. Thyroid problems are also common after pregnancy. Hope you feel better soon.
What are symptoms of depression?
Any of these symptoms during and after pregnancy that last longer than two weeks are signs of depression:
* Feeling restless or irritable
* Feeling sad, hopeless, and overwhelmed
* Crying a lot
* Having no energy or motivation
* Eating too little or too much
* Sleeping too little or too much
* Trouble focusing, remembering, or making decisions
* Feeling worthless and guilty
* Loss of interest or pleasure in activities
* Withdrawal from friends and family
* Having headaches, chest pains, heart palpitations (the heart beating fast and feeling like it is skipping beats), or hyperventilation (fast and shallow breathing)
After pregnancy, signs of depression may also include being afraid of hurting the baby or oneself and not having any interest in the baby.
What is the difference between “baby blues,”postpartum depression, and postpartum psychosis?
The baby blues can happen in the days right after childbirth and normally go away within a few days to a week. A new mother can have sudden mood swings, sadness, crying spells, loss of appetite, sleeping problems, and feel irritable, restless, anxious, and lonely. Symptoms are not severe and treatment isn’t needed. But there are things you can do to feel better. Nap when the baby does. Ask for help from your spouse, family members, and friends. Join a support group of new moms or talk with other moms.
Postpartum depression can happen anytime within the first year after childbirth. A woman may have a number of symptoms such as sadness, lack of energy, trouble concentrating, anxiety, and feelings of guilt and worthlessness. The difference between postpartum depression and the baby blues is that postpartum depression often affects a woman’s well-being and keeps her from functioning well for a longer period of time. Postpartum depression needs to be treated by a doctor. Counseling, support groups, and medicines are things that can help.
Postpartum psychosis is rare. It occurs in 1 or 2 out of every 1000 births and usually begins in the first 6 weeks postpartum. Women who have bipolar disorder or another psychiatric problem called schizoaffective disorder have a higher risk for developing postpartum psychosis. Symptoms may include delusions, hallucinations, sleep disturbances, and obsessive thoughts about the baby. A woman may have rapid mood swings, from depression to irritability to euphoria.
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