Need some serious HELP/ADVICE from other Moms

[Gina209]

Okay ladies...hopefully someone can help me out here or give me some advice!

My son is almost 11 weeks old and he is still NOT sleeping through the night. He doesn't even go 5 hours straight without a bottle! I feel like all or most babies his age if not sleeping through the entire night, their at least going 6 or 7 hours through without waking to feed. And it's so frustrating for me!

At first I thought, well he is a big boy (was 9.4 pounds at birth and at his last appointment at 8 weeks he was 13.8)...and big boys need lots of food! So I thought he wasn't eating enough. So I would put more formula in his bottle and he WONT take it! Now he is probably over 14 pounds and he is still only drinking 3 ounces at some feedings. Now I know thats not right! Sometimes during the day he is eating every 2 hours which would make sense him only eating 3 ounces...but than sometimes he will go 3 or 4 hours and STILL only eat 3 ounces. Don't get me wrong, sometimes its more than that...but most of the time, not.

So we feed him his last bottle and we try to get him to drink as much as possible so he goes to bed on a full tummy...than 3 or 4 hours later he starts fussing. I try to hold him off with his binky...but usually within minutes he is crying for a bottle. He drinks 1 or 2 ounces of it and than falls back asleep. I literally have to strip him naked...tickle him, talk loudly to him, pinch his cheeks to get him to wake up. And if I do manage to wake him up (sometimes I dont) I usually have to force him to drink another ounce making it 3 ounces total. Meanwhile he has a messy diaper and usually pees through his outfit. So not only do I have to force him to drink his bottle, I'm changing his entire outfit, and burping him. Usually taking an hour! So by the time lay him back down...he is up in less than 2 hours looking for another bottle. And its so strange because after fussing for a few minutes he starts screaming for his bottle. And when I put it in his mouth he ***** on it like he hasn't eaten in days. But than after an ounce or two he falls asleep and is content.

So if this happens at 3:00 am he will be up at 6:00 am and he does the same exact thing. He will fuss...and than cry...than drink an ounce or two and fall asleep. Again taking over an hour to get him to drink at least 3 ounces and go back to bed. By the third feeding...around 9:00 am, he starts fussing and I think okay he can't be THAT hungry if he just wakes up, drinks an ounce and falls back asleep. So I try my hardest to hold him off and NOTHING works. So its almost like I just have to deal with it. But its very frustrating for me....and I am lacking so much sleep right now. Not only is he NOT sleeping through the night but he's getting up numerous times for a bottle and its like a battle every feeding. Some feedings during the day are even like this...but its not as bad since I'm actually awake.

Ahh so I just don't know what to do. I really feel like he should be sleeping through the night. I took the advice of one of my friends on here...I let him nap during the day and than kept him awake from 5:00 on..did not let him sleep at all. Feed him at 9:30 and put him to bed and he slept all the way until 7:00 am! (this was this past Monday night) so I thought this is it, we did it! Well I've done the same exact thing the past 2 nights and it hasn't worked..he's been up every 3 hours. So I know he CAN physically go a long period of time without eating...he did do it. But he just won't do it anymore.

Is anyone else experiencing this? Or have you gone through it? I'm at my wits end...I don't know what else to do. I feel like we've tried everything. I love him so much, but mommy needs some R&R! HELP ME!!

[Gina209]

Thanks Mami....I feel like your right, eventually my son will mature and not need to feed every 3 hours. Some day he will go all night without a bottle and he will stick to the routine. As far as babies having a schedule....I think they do...its just "their" schedule, which doesn't always coincide with mine. I say this because he knows when its been 2 hours, he know when its been 3 hours...he will wake out of a dead sleep like clockwork. He's done this since birth.
I understand what jess was saying about creating and changing their routine (and jess thank you so much for understanding what I'm going through and I so appreciate your help!) and I do think that is possible to do...I just don't think I can mentally and emotionally do it. I try everyday to extend his time inbetween bottles and I get 5 minutes here, 10 minutes there but than the next day nothing will work and he wants his bottle right away. And I know things take time, nothing changes over night...I was just looking for some mothers who have been there done that.

I do believe that I AM the Mom and need to take control but on the other hand, he's a baby and he's the king of the castle and I need to tend to him whenever he needs it since he is so helpless. I guess for now I will just try other little things, see if anything makes a difference and can only hope in time he stretches out his feedings!

[mami1323]

No Gina, I never thought you would do that at all, I was saying that I know people who do that and find it horrific.  My fiance's sister would make her wait until a specific time and refused to feed her before that.  Babies that young never have a schedule.  Certain tricks work for certain babies and other tricks work for others.  I don't agree that we create a routine for them, especially that young.  I think they want what they want when they want it because they are living off the basic needs and have no understanding of anything else.  My son was just like yours, he would never make it through that last bottle and then I knew I would be up in a couple of hours feeding him more.  It isn't a routine that is created it is maturity that creates the longer hours they can hold off.  They will naturally not need to take that middle of the night feeding.  One thing I did, not sure if it will work for your son is instead of giving in to the feeding I would give him a paci and see if he would take that instead of the bottle.  He would and I was able to prolong the feeding until after a while he wasn't satisfied with the paci any more but wanted food.  But then I knew he was hungry and not just looking for the comfort of sucking.  But I see you tried that already above.  Like I said, it takes time.  My son eventually would only need one feeding in the middle of the night and eventually he was able to skip that feeding as well.  

[Gina209]

Mami-I have never made him wait an extra hour for food. I was saying my friend (who does not have children) suggested I do that to make sure he is hungry...but like I said I disagreed with her and would NEVER make my baby wait for food. Just didnt want you to misunderstand what I was talking about when I mentioned my friends advice, because I did and would never do that.

I do however try to make sure he drinks all his bottle. I don't feel like I'm force feeding him because some nights he will drink 2 ounces and by the time I change him, burp him..I will lay him back down and 20 minutes later he wakes up wanting another ounce. So its more like I make sure he has had enough before I give up on feeding him.

I don't think larger babies "need" to be fed in the middle of the night...I just know my son wants to be fed. I know his "I'm hungry" sounds and he does want food...it just frustrated me that he doesn't drink enough to hold him over. Although I might try that water trick...see if that makes a difference

KM-yes I have tried soothing him in so many ways...rocking him, walking with him, rubbing him...giving him his binky and nothing works but the bottle. Thats why I'm sure he wants food its just the amount that baffles me. I do however have that book and will be reading it tonight-thanks!

I will try the medium flow nipples and consult his doctor about the cereal.

[jessbbg]

Oh you poor thing---I so feel your pain.  I went through much the same thing with my son, and I don't know if it'll work for you, but here's what ended up working for me:

My aunt is what we lovingly refer to as the Bottle Nazi, keeping her kids on a rigid, inflexible schedule from the moment they are born (but an incredibly loving mother with 3 awesome kids), and while her method just seemed way too harsh and extreme for me, getting her perspective helped me figure out mine.

I had to come to terms with a couple of facts: 1. that i am the mom, not him, and he's helpless to fix this and he's NOT going to just suddenly not want or need the comfort he's gotten on this schedule from birth, and 2. that I can only get him to eat as much as he wants---so the key was getting him to want more, not just eat more.  

To do that, I had to make him wait longer and longer.  Distraction was key in this for me.  Not just "letting him cry" but trying to just keep him (and myself) busy for an extra 10 or 15 minutes each time, making him wait just a little longer each time (soothing and talking, walking around with him, gathering dishes, moving the mail, whatever to sort of act like "ok, let me tidy this real quick or just grab this or that, and THEN i will feed you", etc)... and yes, I did this at 11 weeks (i think the "activity" i did helped me more than it helped him, lol).  But this would delay his getting really upset for a while longer, at least as a distraction.

Your son has a schedule---all babies develop one.  At first, mine was eating every hour, then it went to 1.5 - 2 hours.  Once in a blue moon, he would sleep 4 hrs at night, but it was rare.  So every two hours at night, he was up wanting to eat.  I had to change it---he can't very well change it, he's just a baby, and I'm the one who let it develop.  I'm the only one who can change it.  

So it took a mental shift, and a determination to not only know or realize what was best for both of us (you're not the only one who needs REM sleep!), but to be the mom and make it happen.  

It took about a week, and he was sleeping 4 - 6 hours at night.  So starting right around 3 months, our lives got a whole lot better and he was a lot happier and less cranky with the new schedule.

I hope that helps!!  hang in there and let us know what you try and how it goes :-)

[worriedbabe]

joy mentioned something i forgot to say...never, ever force feed. babies and children will take what they need.

[JoyRenee]

I don't recommend baby cereal either. In fact, my youngest daughter wouldn't eat baby food so we skipped it altogether and she went straight to table foods at 10 months old.

3-4 ounces of formula is normal at this age. Don't make your baby finish a bottle. They know when they're full and will stop eating. Also, large babies don't need to be fed in the middle of the night because they can hold more food.

My doctor told me if my youngest (large baby!) woke up to eat in the middle of the night to give her an ounce of water. She'd realize that night time wasn't for eating and wouldn't bother to wake up for water.

There's nothing wrong with your son! He is completely normal and unique!

[worriedbabe]

yep, agree with mami. babies this age should be fed on demand and unfortunately, your baby has a routine that doesn't suit you at the moment. but his routines WILL change in time. you must rest and sleep whenever baby does and let all chores take a back seat or get someone else to do them while things are like this. you mentioned he always pees out of his nappy, do you make sure his pinky is pushed down before fastening his nappy? your baby may need solids before 6 months due to his weight, mine all did too. but, it should be left as late as possible and discussed and planned with a professional first. and NEVER put anything in a bottle other than milk, cooled boiled water or baby juice when they're old enoughh . and i'd try cooled boiled water too, might just be thirsty, not hungry. hang in there, and best of luck.

[mami1323]

I would stay away from the cereal.  They only recommend it to babies who have extreme reflux issues.  All it is is empty calories and cause more digestive problems.  It also can lead to allergies.  I even tried it at 11 weeks because I felt the same as you did.  What's wrong with him?  Why doesn't he sleep?  I was also feeding a couple oz here and there but it's totally normal.  No baby that early sticks to a routine.  I don't recommend him waiting an extra hour, that does not wait, and imagine if you were starving and someone made you wait and you didn't understand the pain you were feeling.  That's just wrong on so many levels.  My fiance's sister did that and I just felt horrible for her daughter.  It will just take time, Jayden actually wound up sleeping straight through at 2 months.  But then you will have teething issues and growth spurts.  It's never going to be consistent but it will get better eventually.  You just have to have patience.

[Lance06]

I posted someting in the Feb 09 forum Gina....not even thinking about posting in this one..after we talked...

i guess i am just blessed with a good little girl!

[KM604]

I would try the new nipple w/o the cereal added first and then if that doesn't work just check with your doctor about adding the cereal in.  My doc told me that once babies are around 16lb (or 4 months) they then recommend adding cereal into their diet.  I've never added cereal to my daughters bottles, so I really don't know, but I just wondered if adding the cereal would do something to his digestive system (like how changing from breatsmilk to formula can make a baby gassy or constipated) and then you might have another issue on your hands.  You know what I'm saying?? LOL.  

[KM604]

Sometimes they say that babies will just cry, they don't need a reason....but you know you could always try rocking him or some other actions to soothe him - something other than giving him a bottle, because if he isn't drinking it all maybe thats not really what he wants.  The sucking action soothes babies, which is why binkies sometimes get them to stop fussing.  So if you tried another form of soothing him, maybe thats all he needs.  If you read like What to Expecting the First Year (thats where I got the other tips I mentioned), when they give advice on how to get your baby to sleep longer through the night, one of the things they say is to try and soothe them because they may not be hungry (the binkie and rocking are some examples, I dont have the book in front of me for the others).

[Gina209]

Thanks ladies! I appreciate your advice and thoughts!

We have pretty much tried everything though. We tried a "routine" bathing before bedtime...reading a book, watching TV and nothing works. He will either fall asleep which is great, but than he will still get up 3 or 4 hours later, drink half a bottle and pass out.

I know its not uncommon for an 11 week old to not be sleeping through the night. It's just that I know SO many babies the same age who are sleeping through the night and or LONGER and I just think whats wrong with my son? Not only is he not sleeping, but he seems to not be eating what he should. I don't think its his formula because when he was about 3 weeks old we had major formula issues...where we had to switch it 3 times and finally found what we're on now. He's been on it since he's been 5 weeks and we've had no problems. He doesn't cry when eating or seem to be in pain..he just drinks what he feels like drinking, than goes to sleep.

My friend suggested making him wait an extra hour so he is extra hungry, but I couldn't bare to hear or let him cry that long knowing all he want is food.

We always try and feed him as much as we can...thinking the fuller his tummy is, the longer he will go inbetween feedings, but nothing seems to be working. A couple people have suggested Cereal. So I think that combined with the faster nipple, maybe that will help. I mean there just has to be a way to get him to sleep a little bit longer, especially since I KNOW he can do it. I always feed him on demand...I'm aware that he's a baby and I need to adjust to his schedule...I just feel that at his age he should be sleeping a little longer than he is and especially eating more since he is such a big boy.

I definitely plan on discussing this with his doctor...but I'm just really frustrated. I just wish he would drink a good amount so it would hold him off a few more hours. I feel like he is on the worst routine possible...2 ounces here, another 2 ounces two hour later etc etc. Not only frustrating but completely exhausting!

[mamaofonetrying42]

Gina. It sounds like Hunter! Hunter is 9months!! and still gets up for a bottle around 3am! But before this it was every 3hours intill he was 6-7months! And sometimes he would only drink 2oz and go back to bed...His ped said I need to stop feeding him at night, but I cant the boy crys, and wants it. Its easyer say then done!

[GRose]

11 weeks is still pretty early to be sleeping through the night, I dont think Noah slept through the night without waking once or twice until he was about 9 months old. Even then, he would still wake up every once in a while when he was a year. Heck, he still wakes up a couple times a month and he is 2!

I know it is frusturating but it'll get better, maybe bring it up at his next well baby check up.

[KM604]

Well from what I've heard, this can be normal for him to not be in a routine yet.  I've also heard/read/been told by the doctor, that once babies start getting some cereal/baby food that they will start sleeping more through the night - so that's around 4 months old.  Maybe there is an issue with the formula?? You could also try doing more routine things before he goes to bed.  For instance, bath him at the same time every night (try the Johnsons and Johnsons bedtime bath) and then give him a bottle after.  Even if he isn't hungry, just try and give him an ounce or whatever but it's just to get him used to bedtime then bottle.  You can do whatever you want before bed, but just make it routine.  Also, before you feed him try changing his diaper.   For some reason I got lucky and my daughter formed her own feeding and sleeping schedule, so she's very predictable and now eating 6oz each feeding!  All the books and doctors say that each baby is different, but I can totally understand how frustrating this is.  I don't know, I would talk with the doctor, because maybe there's an issue with the formula. Maybe the nipple flow isn't good enough and he just gets lazy?? Maybe try changing to a medium flow nipple - just be carefull because if its too fast they could choke by taking in too much.  I'm about to change my daughters nipple flow to medium because sometimes she gets frustrated when she isn't getting enough.  I'm sorry your going through this!  Hopefully you can get some answers by talking to doctor, or maybe something I said might help, lol.

[mami1323]

Gina I know at this age you expect them to be sleeping straight through but that's not the case.  My son was 9 lbs 2 oz and would get up literally every 2-3 hours.  Still at 11 weeks.  I remember crying all the time wondering why my son is so hungry.  There has to be something wrong with him.  There wasn't.  He would drink sometimes like 4 oz and sometimes he would drink 3 oz.  I would do nearly everything to have him finish off a bottle so that I could get at least a few more hours extra sleep.  It never worked that way, but at about 2-3 months he would sleep straight through for a good 6 hours.  They go through growth spurts and they go through times when they don't finish bottles.  I think what I did was feed him as much as I could during the day so that at night he didn't need as much because he already got his caloric intake for the day.  I fed him as much as he wanted to eat during the day and sometimes that could be every hour.  But it worked.  You have to feed on demand and over time the demand becomes less and less.  It's even harder with bigger babies.  But there is an end in sight.  Just keep feeding him when he is hungry and you will see as he matures, he will be able to eat less and less at night.  At 11 weeks you still need to follow his lead.  I'm sorry I wish I had a magic answer for you but it really does take time.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

It is very normal for babies to still not sleep through the night at 11 weeks :(  I have 5 kids and have never had one sleep through the night at that age.  It usually takes me a year to get them down to waking up once a night.  It seems like an eternity when you are going through it, I know.  And I am getting ready to go through it again!  But also keep in mind that just because he did it one night, doesn't mean that he will do it every night.  He is will constantly be going through growth spurts where he will need food more frequently.  And then before you know it, he will be teething, which can also affect his sleeping.  Motrin is great for that by the way.

As sleep deprived as I get after having a baby, I have tried many things and read about this a lot.  I have read that routine is very important.  That one is always hard for me because I have so many, but it may be more plausible for you.  So, you may want to try giving him a bath shortly before bed time.  I would try the soothing lotions too, such as Lavender scented, etc.  I also bought a DVD that is part of the Baby Einstein collection.  It is called Baby Mozart.  It was the best $17 I ever spent.  I used it w/ my last 2 kids.  I would put it on every night before bed (even at nap time) and they would associate that w/ going to bed.  The knew by that movie that it was bed time.  It is very relaxing for them and it is mostly music and pretty colors and shapes.  He will begin to LOVE this.  I would def give him a bottle right before bed too.  You may also want to talk to you Ped about suggestions.  They may make suggestions on when to start baby foods/cereal for him.   I have heard of starting baby foods as early as 4 months.  Others start at 6 months, but I can tell you that that varies from doctor to doctor.

I am sorry if I suggested something that you have already tried/said in your post.  I read quickly.  I  just know there are not sure fire cures.  But there are things that may help you.  Good luck!!  I know how awful this can be....

[Gina209]

Oh and during the day...he will literally wake out of a dead sleep crying for a bottle. Its like clockwork...his body knows when its been 2 in a half hours, cuz he will just wake up wanting that bottle....than drink half of it and be fine. I just don't get it! I shouldn't have to battle with him to get him to drink right?