Should i do this or not?

[danni2386]

I have such a difficult decision ahead of me. Im 10 weeks pregnant...me and my husband were trying for a baby. Completely ignorant of the fact were financially hurting..and still living with my husbands mom not even able to pay her the 800 in rent we owe. we pay 500 now. Me and my husband had a very tough 5 years together..and when we got back together it was initially his idea to have a kid..and then after he thought awhile he suggested we wait..and enjoy eachother and wait until were financially better. But i thought he was just going back on his words saying things he did not mean as he always had the past 5 years so he wanted to prove that he meant what he said..so after talking last night he said he did feel a little forced. that he is happy but not at the same time..and cant really be bc of the stress ahead. we have so much debt..still living at home with his mom. Were scared..broke...and my husband cant seem to be happy bc he keeps thinking of the stress that is to come and because of it our relationship is suffereing tremendously. im scared and worried and i dont know what to do anymore. Im not one for abortion at all. i know theres alot of people hating but unless your in the situation you couldnt possibly understand what someone is going through. every situation is different..so if your going to leave smart *** comments dont bother bc im not in the fkn mood. i just want advice...bc i dont know what to do.

[momabear86]

You need to sit down and write a list of your income and out goings. His mom sounds like she's helping out but how does she feel about having a baby in the house?. I'm pro choice and only you can decide what's the best option being keep, abort or put up for adoption. It's simple to say you want a child but being ready is a completely different subject. Does your partner or you work?

[mischief22]

I'm sorry you have to go through this.. i was in the same position when i was pregnant with my first and i admit it was very stressful not only on the pregnancy but also on my relationship with my husband..

do you know if there were some help for families around your area that you may ne able to apply? or will consolidating your debt helps?? these were the things me and my husband did to ease the payments and help financially..

i hope things will get better as once baby is born, i know it will be the most precious thing in your life :)

[smiley_one]

If you have any thoughts of keeping the baby, keep it. I see on here a lot of women who have aborted and then later felt bad about it. I understand that you are probably under a lot of stress with your current situation, but maybe things will get better as time goes on. I know you can get on WIC to help with baby formula and they even offer healthy food options for you as well, you can even get on it while you are pregnant. I'm on it here in Ohio. Has your hubby thought about looking for a different job, or a second job for the time being until you two can get back on your feet? I'm living with my fiance's parents, but we don't have to pay rent and he won't get up and go look for a job, and it ticks me off to no end because he won't let me get a job either.

[brit0585]

I dont think its healthy at all to abort.... Its very bad for your body and im not trying to be mean about that but its the truth. There is nothing wrong with giving the baby up for adoption. There are tons of people who cant have babies and want them and thats a much healthier thing for you to do. Not only for you but for baby also. You should look into it and a lot of times the adopting parents are willing to help with costs of dr appts and bills incurred from the baby. Thats my advise. I dont work and my husband works 50+ hours a week so that I dont have to. We had to get help from state with our dr bills and there is nothing wrong with that. If there is state assistance available to you there is nothing wrong with using it. Thats why its there. For the sake of your heart and your body I wouldnt kill the baby because of money reasons and I know im not in your situation but we are not far from it honestly. Look into adoption because you will truely bless a family!

[momabear86]

I agree adoption is an option but I am fed up of hearing of all these family's who are desperate to adopt! There are thousands of children looking for family's to adopt them, if not millions so where are they?! I know its hard work with courts and papers but I think there are already far too many children in care. Sorry rant over.

[Mom2bejuly18]

At the apartment I live at our rent and all of our bills come out to about 450 and we get assistance from the government for food. My bf and I realize the next couple of years are going to be hard but we also know that we will make it through and it will be worth it. I have a pretty rough situation right now, I have been in and out of the hospital before I got pregnant so I currently can't work and my bf only makes less than 800 a month but we have a budget and we are saving money. You can do this, yes its stressful but it is possible. I would personally never abort but I do understand that everyones situation is different. Good luck in your choice.

[mz_sapphire]

Most people are looking for babies and not older kids thats y there are so many kids with out a place to go and have to live in foster care til there 18. Y is everyone so for adoption idk cause sorry to say but can u really trust someone u dont no to take care of ur baby. I dont trust any one with my kids but my oldest sister.

[mz_sapphire]

As for ur situation im kinda in the same same boat as u. Im about to b 7 months already have 3 kids. Neither me or my bf has a job and where living with my bfs family. I keep telling him to find a job cause i doubt anyone is going to hire me cause i already been on an interview and they chose some one else. I cant hind being pregnant. He has debt that keeps pulling us down thats y we live with his family now. Its hard and only seems to get harder but even threw it all im still keeping my baby. I would rather struggle then do something i will regret for the rest of my life. U should talk to him and his mom and try to figure things out so ur husband wont feel so stressed out and take some strain off ur relationship.

[marajean21]

I used to get 300/mo as an income and had to support two children wirh no vehicle, friends, or family support. They have apartments around here that areincome based, but not in the projects.maybe your area has something like that too? In the mean time, you can apply for food stamps and have his mom write a note saying you two are responsible for purchasing and preparing your own meals and you pay $500/rent. WIC will help while you're pregnant in bread, milk, cereal, fruits n veggies, and I think a few more things. When baby comes, they give you checks for formula then juice baby cereal and jars of food then reg foods as baby gets older. My area has something called The Pregnancy Resource Center where they can give you diapers, formula and wipes. They loan out clothes, blankets, bibs, jackets, socks, and shoes and when you bring it back, you can get more. They also have cribs, car seats, strollers, bath tubs, and safety gates to borrow too, but sometimes for the bigger things, you'll be put on a waiting list. Maybe check your area for something similar? If getting help seems above you(many people do no matter how bad it's needed) then you still have a few options. He can work more or pick up another job, you can grab a part time job til you're about ready to deliver, you can see how things go as your pregnancy progresses and if it looks lile its for the better, keep the baby. If it looks impossible to support him/her, you could look into adoption. You can find someone you trust for the little amount of time you meet, they can do all expenses paid, you can have an open or closed adoption, or just give it up at the hospital. Or you can terminate. Although I personally don't believe in the last, it's not my choice to make for you, but just like the other options, this is one too. You may feel guilty even if it's years down the road, where you're finally on your feet and find out you're preg again. You may feel like you don't deserve the baby or depressed bc it's not truly your first. You may not be able to sleep at night, thinking about what you did. It may destroy your marriage. Or you may feel better bc you know you didn't fail as a mother and believe your baby us better off not coming into your current situation. You may never go through the what-ifs. But right now, you seem confused and unsure, so maybe give it another day or two to sink in then talk to your husbnd to get input. Over the next week, do some research to see what's available to you. Ask yourself all the pros and cons eaxh could have and which one or two you'd most likely choose. Then with those 2 options, lay it out for yoyr husband and decide together what might be best. You don't have to do anything today about the pregnancy, just let it sink in for a moment. And remember every choice we make comes with consequence. Some good, some bad, but most both. So don't let anyone persuade you to make a jump. Take your time and weigh the possible positive and negative consequences for each option you do have.

[danni2386]

Thank you. im so thankful for everyones responses. And im happy there was just honest answers. i really appreciate it. its nice to know im not alone. i know this is our fault and it would of been smarter to wait until we were financially better. but we were just so happy to be together and working so well after some relationship hardships. i was and am soo close to just leaving and going back home once baby is born and my mom will take cre of the baby while i work. i just feel like frustrated. this is my first pregnancy..and i am prepared to deal with what comes bc i chose to get pregnant at not such a great financial time. but it was my choice. but my husband keeps making our relationship suffer. stressing out so much tot he point where hell stay away more...be 100% distant with me in everyway. want to get away with friends more..etc. we have so many bills is ridiculous.
800 rent
260 his credit card..owing 13 grand
212 his car
400 my car
153 cell phones
86 cable
60 zales
55 salle mae loan
109 loan
60 capitol one
136 insurance
103 medical
71 aim program
50 navy credit card 71 a week on gas
we eat out alot. hes toned it down to a few times a week but still
im doing all i know to do..and i just feel like he isnt manning up to do what he neesd to do to take care of us. i work full time..making 436 a week. i had a second job..but it barely made 126 a week and i worked 7 days a week at both jobs..like it was too much. he has made no effort to get a second job. he said he would in the beginning and now he says he doesnt want to. im just very frustrated and honestly so tired..of not being happy. hes making this such a miserable experience. if i wasnt pregnant id be working two jobs. but i just get no help or support from him. were in a ****** financial situation. i just keep hoping things will get better. i dont know what else to do.

[danni2386]

yes we both work full time jobs. we just dont make enough to cover bills. at least not the rent part. and its stressful with a baby ont eh way. but i cant abort it. i just cant. we wanted this. and we knew the predicament we were in ya know.

[danni2386]

yea my husband wont go get a second job..and i obviously cant bc im pregnant. i tried but i was working 5 days a week at vons only to get 126 bucks. which wasnt worth it to me.  he isnt really making an effort to get a second job. hes jsut making our relationship  more difficult. and not really giving me support. im not trying to be a *****..or anything to him..but dude you knew what you were doing and you made a choice to..now so get off your *** and do what you gotta do for your family. am i wrong?

[marajean21]

Wow. Well if he's pushing away, maybe he wasn't serious about working it out. Or he didnt think you two would get preg so soon?  I can't speak for him, but maybe it would he hetter to go to your moms, whether short or long term. It could open both of your eyes to see if it's going to work, or better left alone. He can't only want you when you're not arouns. But you could say something like you don't feel he's being serious about trying to work it out,  yes you realize it takes time, but he needs ro realize it takes effort from both parties. Bc u feel this way, you feel you should go to your mom's until u feel there's hope of it working out. Whether that be him being around more, making him get a 2nd job, keeping his word, or really anything you feel needs to be worked on before completely trusting he's gna stick through all of this. Plus you can go without the added stress he's putting on, not to mention everything else, but maybe you mentioning going to your mom's will shed some light that you leaving can happen and he decides to turn things around a bit instead of taking advantage. One can hope, but let's face it-men are unpredictable lol

[marajean21]

Lol talk about typos, hope you can read what I meant to write:)

[Its_A_Boy12]

Think about it this way. You're not the only one going through tough times and pregnant. I'm 20 years old and me and my boyfriend live with my mom. 6Months ago I came home from prison meaning soon as I got home I got knocked up. Giving me no time to fully get myself together. My bf sells drugs so any minute he can be picked up by police and he is about the only one who will mainly doing for my son. I feel like crap because I know the government will be providing for all my baby needs. (Wic food stamps cash assistance) but out of every curse comes a blessing!! God wouldn't put more on you than you can handle.  I decided to keep my child because I know I WILL get it together for the sake of my son. After a storm comes a rainbow. I say consider your options very strongly. You do what you feel is best deep down in your heart rather it be keep the baby abortion or adoption.

[trulylovinyou]

I know how u feel ..im not for abortions either but don't give up or in to the worst ..everything will work out in ur favor just work hard to where u wanna stand in life ..I had my first son at 17 living with my mom working at McDonalds not easy hearing her mouth no help just me but my baby was my motivation so whenever I got in chance to improve or better or life I took it...graduate from high-school saved for a car ..5years later im in my own 2br apartment own car 22yr old CNA expecting babymamma #2..time for me to upgrade my life again...GOOD THINGS R POSSIBLE!

[trulylovinyou]

I know how u feel ..im not for abortions either but don't give up or in to the worst ..everything will work out in ur favor just work hard to where u wanna stand in life ..I had my first son at 17 living with my mom working at McDonalds not easy hearing her mouth no help just me but my baby was my motivation so whenever I got in chance to improve or better or life I took it...graduate from high-school saved for a car ..5years later im in my own 2br apartment own car 22yr old CNA expecting babymamma #2..time for me to upgrade my life again...GOOD THINGS R POSSIBLE!

[stacey10]

I would go to your mums and sort out YOUR bills and leave him to his, he is being irespomsible, both financially and emotionally, babies dont cost that much once they're born, they dont have to have brand new things, there are alot of near new items that you can buy for baby, also breastfeeding costs nothing, you and your husband wanted to have a baby, your now pregnant, he should man up, a baby isnt a comoditiy, where you can change your mind and get rid of it, its also not a quick fix or bandaid for a broken relationship, they tend not to keep relationships going, they can put a strain on a good relationship, I think you really need to conect with your baby and realise that you have a growing little person inside you who depends on you already, there a plenty of people doing it tough financially and can still have their babies/children, we put the pressure on ourselves to buy the best of everything, it sounds like you may be able to get some financial help from the government etc, do it and use it, thats what its there for, at 10 wks you have a baby, not a yolk sack or fetal pole...and if your husband was serious about his financial debt there would be no more eating out or going out with friends until he had it under control.

[smiley_one]

I keep thinking that same thing about my fiance. It's like we are in going into week 36 now, we are still at his parents, and he won't make an attempt to get a job. Yes I know he is working on his GED, but really, a lot of places around here will hire without one, but god forbid my fiance work in a place where there are customers, or other people. He expects me to gt on welfare to get us an apartment and he gets mad at me because I refuse. I told him I will get job (back when we first found out about my pregnancy), and he said no, we will have our own place and everything by the start of the new year....well, it's April now and he's done nothing! Sorry for the rant, I just get so aggravated with him. I told him after the baby is born, regardless of what he says I am getting a job and when I one and get an apartment, it's going in MY name, not his, and I told him he can't live with me until he gets a job because I'm not playing with him anymore about his career....let's just say he is really pissy at me now.

[Bub02]

This baby was concieved for a reason. Department of Human Services can help with a bond for a house, plus rent and many other things. You can do it, together you can do it. A baby brings so much happiness, there maybe tough times ahead but atleast you won't have any regrets. Keep your baby, youl have a best friend for life.

[danni2386]

haha i understood thank you. i cant do an abortion we both wanted this. i did sort of talk to him a little bit and i know its very clear were both so overwhelmed and stressed and yes we were nieve and we just wanted a baby together so bad and didnt think realistically till we had our finances better and i had a more career oriented job etc but he lets alot of thinks affect or ruin our relationship and then we bicker non stop. at least we have lately the last 2-3 weeks and its been getting overwhelming. i dont know how were going to pay for anything. i dont know if the job ill go to interview for will hire me bc i am pregnant. but i hope they dont care..i hope it pays more and if they dont mind ill take it. but its always so scary leaving something youve known nearly 2 years ya know. i dont know i just keep hoping and praying to god we will be ok. i noticed i am more and more depressed inside and out. i dont like how i look...am feeling...about my life, my self etc. i am honestly all around depressed. i dont know wht to do..trying to get happy. but its proving difficult.

[danni2386]

I want to thank everyone for there kind and non judgemental words. i definately appreciate not feeling alone. i hope me and my husband can get our **** together and do what we have to do to be ok.