Unhappy

[dasart13]

So im 7 weeks with my second. This will be my fiances first. He is ecstatic. I am extremely unhappy. I did not want anymore kids. I thought i had to wait until i turned 25 to get my tubes tied in SC so i counting down my last year and some change. In light of finding out im pregnant again, i discovered i could have had my tubes tied after my son was born. Now im upset bc as many times as i said i was done, i guess none of my doctors or nurses thought i was serious and never told me i had this option all along.

I literally feel nothing towards this pregnancy. We really cant afford to have another kid at this moment. I didnt want to have to divide my time and attention between two kids. I love my son to death and he was more than enough for me. Also, my bday is the 31st and now i cant do anything (selfish i know but i actually had plans this year for once).  My summer plans are basically ruined as well.

Abortion or adoption is not an option here. So i guess what im wondering here is, should i just hold out and hope my feelings change? Or do some women just lie and say they were so happy in the end to finally meet their baby but secretly never get used to it?

[jasmine_ramirez]

I was on the pill and got pregnant. And I was constantly taking it everyday. Had to get an trasound to make sure the baby was fine

[dasart13]

I was on birth control, but it was messing with my periods badly so I came off of it to try and get my hormones to level out naturally and give it another go after that, and then BAM! I got pregnant almost instantly.

And its not that I don't love the child. I just feel nothing. not yet anyways. im 9 weeks now I believe. and its just trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I have to do this whole baby thing all over again, I have to put my life/career plans on hold again, and I can already see the future problems this could potentially cause,

considering I'm slowly but surely starting to warm up to the idea, I'm willing to bet that I'll be happy with being pregnant again before the end of my pregnancy. its just not coming as easily to me as it had with my little Felix.

now that I've managed to reply to your snarky little comment without being a complete *****, I must say, I didn't ask for your opinion on what I should have done/been doing. so either give me a response that actually has something to do with what I was asking, or go on to the next post.

[2300818776580613976_899_5]

I don't understand how u cannot love your child.... if u didn't want any u should've been on birth control... just sounds so cruel to me..

[jasmine_ramirez]

I was the same although I do want more kids but not now since I had plans. And it sounds horrible I know and now I regret feeling that way the first ultrasound I had done I didn't feel anything at all I cried all the time but reality hits you and you realize its your baby and its your job to protect that baby. And I can say everything has changed my husband  been extremely happy and my son is taking it very well. Just give it time. Relax and take care

[mommaDof3]

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way.  I've had the some I'll feelings about this pregnancy too. It was so unexpected and not planned in the least and I just found out 2 nights ago that my fiancée doesn't think that he's ready for a kid...keep in mind that I already have 2. But don't feel stuck in the relationship because you are now pregnant.  If you had planned on leaving staying because of a baby will not make anything better, especially with the feelings you are having now.  As the pregnancy progresses your feelings could change and if you are willing to stick it out and see if that happens, it might surprise you but if they don't it is still your life and you can choose to do what will make you happy.Good luck with everything.

[dasart13]

thanks ladies. I'm slowly but surely getting more used to the idea. like I've come to terms with having another kid and mainly now just worried about showing favoritism to my son. I mean, he's hell but he's my baby.

I think I was just super scared at first bc I had honestly been debating on leaving my fiancé when my tax money came in and I had the means to go. and I pretty much feel stuck. he's not a horrible guy or anything, he just severely works my nerves on a constant lol. and I can't stand his family for more than a few hours at a time.

also, its already became somewhat of an argument on the name already. he and everyone in his family automatically assumes i'll name the baby after him if it's a boy, which would make the kid the 4th. I just really don't want to do that. I think that's probably bc I feel the pressure to do so and I think its ********. why should we honor his family , but not mine? I mean, my dad is dead at least so it would make sense to me to honor him. its to the point that im now hoping for a girl (which I've been very against having) just to avoid the name argument.

its bad enough both of my kids will have a different last name from mine, that I think I should have some say in their first and middle names. especially since I'm the one carrying the kid, ya know.  

[marindamqz]

I had even made an appointment at an abortion clinic to see what my options were, I was that sickened. My mind was set on not having another. But that ultrasound changed everything. You have no idea. Just give it time.

[marindamqz]

I felt nothing towards this baby, too. At all. I had my daughter and the thought of sharing my love made me mad. I was mad at everything, I felt like being pregnant again ruined everything. I didn't make an appointment right away, I didn't even care but I made it so I could get it over with and done. I saw my baby on my ultrasound and completely fell in love. I went from 0 to 100, FAST.

[countrygirlz]

In sc they wont tie your tubes with 1 child until u are 30 they only do it after 21 if u have 2 kids I tried it and got told no on more than one occasion

[AnnieBrooke]

pps -- You can certainly vent here.  It's a relief to say here what you can't say to your sister.

[AnnieBrooke]

If you *do* realize after a while that you have not fallen particularly in love with the new child (I mean, once he or she is here), don't let that fall on the child.  You don't have to be a martyr, though.  Let your husband bear a lot of the burden for a while, and see if you can get some counseling from a therapist or minister to see why the dismay over another child is lasting for you.  I would expect that you will warm to the baby, but try to make room for plans of what to do if you don't, that do not include making the baby feel generally unloved or unlovable.  That's hard on a kid.

ps -- Since abortion and adoption is out of the question, this means the baby will be yours and in the family from now until forever, so don't say around relatives with long memories that you are not excited about the pregnancy.  Grandmas (your mother) and aunts have a nasty way of bringing such a thing up to you years later, even if you are feeling better about the whole situation.

[Melissa_25]

I would say just hold out. Im sure once you have the baby you will fall in love with the baby and feel the same about the new one as you do your son and really its not that bad dividing your attention. For the first few months it is difficult. I know when I had my second baby my oldest had just turned 2 and I felt like I was missing out on a lot of his firsts and I felt like I wasnt givinf him the attention I used to and still wanted to. He loves his sister and i couldnt imagine not having both my kids. They dont really divide my attention like I thought would happen. A lot of the time thye just want to spend time all together as a family and I love it. Theyll be 5 and 3 when I have our next baby and they are more than excited which makes me even more excited. Just keep your head up and wait it out. :) you can always get your tubes tied after this one if you dont want anymore.