Aa
babys future
Im giving my son his fathers last name because after college we both plan on getting married. We have already been together for 2 years. But since we wont get married till after our son gets here, will this cause problems for my boyfriend? Like will he have to pay child support even though we are together, and will he have rights since he is my sons father? If anyone knows please help, it would mean alot
^Well said.^ And it's also called "trust". Yes, we do hear about women who have to do it alone and had to drop their education and seek public assistance, but that is not always the case with every single woman. I'm sure since the poster asked this question in the first place, she is already trying to cover her bases should the father leave. Believe it or not, not every couple wants to get married. They just stay together for a very long time, possibly forever (much like my 8th grade biology teacher. Engaged 40 years to this day and not once did either of them leave after 4 children, all of which are 20+ now). And as for the Pell grant, there is nothing wrong with getting a little help with schooling. My Aunt had the Pell Grant for college and finished college at 38 with her Ph.D and is now the most successful principal in Virginia State, with her loving boyfriend from High School and Beautiful 16 year old daughter there to support her. It's great that you feel women should be empowered should something happen, but sometimes, we do just fine with our men and by ourselves. Luck to you also in the future, and luck to the poster. I hope she found the answers she was looking for.
You don't have to file into court for anything and yes you can give the baby any last name weather married or not without having probs. I've been with my SO for 3 years and 34 weeks with our second baby girl who will also have his last name. We have not even thought about getting married yet. I'm 20 he's 24 and we have a house together. You dont need to be married to be a family.
Im 27 have been with my partner for almost 7 years am 39+6weeks and we are not married or plan to be any time soon.i was on the pill and got pregnant we had planned on having children soonish anyway so we werent to concerned and now both couldnt be happier...we are not going to get married just because we are having a baby,we own our house together have a joint bank account and our baby will have his father's last name.im not in the US so not sure of your laws but here in Australia if you have been living with someone in a defacto relationship for a year or more you have all the rights that a married couple would.neither of us are religious or anything so honestly to us it is just a peice of paper.best of luck to you just do whats right for you :)
Why do people always think that when daddies bail the mothers are left with no choice but public assistance? Women are perfectly capable of raising a child on their own without any help from anyone. And if the parents are not married i dont think they should have to sign any legal work. Having a child is supposed to be about love, not contracts. They are creating a life not purchasing a house!!! And if the father does decide to "bail" it is up to the mother on wheither she wants to do it alone or with help. Maybe, if the father leaves the child is better off, maybe th mother can do a better job alone as aposed to co-parenting. Yes this is 2015, and believe it or not, some people who do have children before they are married stay together. We dont have to live our lives by what older people think is morally or legally correct. Good luck to you and your situation. I hope you get the answers you are looking for and dont listen to anyones opinion but the father of your child. And do what is right for the child (when it comes to last names) remember, you dont nees any legal work to have a baby unmarried, you are having a child, not a piece of property.
Ladies, a dad who is committed to caring for his child emotionally, physically, and financially does not need to be "taken to court" to pay child support.
A Pre-Nuptial agreement is a legal binding document people may sign before marriage that spells out financial responsibilities for support of children should there be a divorce, seperate on of property and investments etc... Joint parents who are not married who are living together raising a child can also consult an attorney to have a legal document drawn up that states how the parents will devide financial responsibility for the childs healthcare, daily care, day care while the parents are in school or at work, pre-school etc.
If parents later marry great!Can transfer it to a pre-nup! Should either mom or dad decide to bail from the relationship and kid, the document will exist TO PROTECT CHILD'S FUTURE
It is 2015! Why can we not as women empower one another to use our heads and have the self esteem to ask the child's father to COMMIT TO THE CHILD in ADVANCE?
Why cant we ask the unmarried dad to financially commit? Are we afraid that if we ask the dad to make a written committment to financially help raise the child it will "hurt his feelings" or "push him away"?
I do not assume at this time that the mother and father are on financial aid....If dad decides to bail out on mom in a year though without paying his share to support the child, the moms education goals can be derailed and she may need to drop out to work or, apply for Pell Grants and Public Assistance...
Having a plan in place for your future is never bad advice.
I do hope mom, dad, have a VERY HEALTHY BABY first and formost, are able to Co parent harmoniously, are both able to finish college and each earn above average income or, one earn very good income so the other...mom or dad, can be home at least 80% of time to raise the baby. I wish them both a beautiful wedding should they marry, and blessings for a long partnership/marriage.
I do however stand be having a "Plan B" to support yourself and baby.
There really is no reason women cannot be empowered to ask father's to financially commit to raising thier children....these are grown men, not little boys.
I wish everyone on this thread well. Be strong ladies!
A Pre-Nuptial agreement is a legal binding document people may sign before marriage that spells out financial responsibilities for support of children should there be a divorce, seperate on of property and investments etc... Joint parents who are not married who are living together raising a child can also consult an attorney to have a legal document drawn up that states how the parents will devide financial responsibility for the childs healthcare, daily care, day care while the parents are in school or at work, pre-school etc.
If parents later marry great!Can transfer it to a pre-nup! Should either mom or dad decide to bail from the relationship and kid, the document will exist TO PROTECT CHILD'S FUTURE
It is 2015! Why can we not as women empower one another to use our heads and have the self esteem to ask the child's father to COMMIT TO THE CHILD in ADVANCE?
Why cant we ask the unmarried dad to financially commit? Are we afraid that if we ask the dad to make a written committment to financially help raise the child it will "hurt his feelings" or "push him away"?
I do not assume at this time that the mother and father are on financial aid....If dad decides to bail out on mom in a year though without paying his share to support the child, the moms education goals can be derailed and she may need to drop out to work or, apply for Pell Grants and Public Assistance...
Having a plan in place for your future is never bad advice.
I do hope mom, dad, have a VERY HEALTHY BABY first and formost, are able to Co parent harmoniously, are both able to finish college and each earn above average income or, one earn very good income so the other...mom or dad, can be home at least 80% of time to raise the baby. I wish them both a beautiful wedding should they marry, and blessings for a long partnership/marriage.
I do however stand be having a "Plan B" to support yourself and baby.
There really is no reason women cannot be empowered to ask father's to financially commit to raising thier children....these are grown men, not little boys.
I wish everyone on this thread well. Be strong ladies!
Completely agree!! Like buttons are a must some times. Don't listen to kj-skibums. Keep up the amazing work! Be proud that you don't have to put your life on hold! Congrats on the baby!
^I wish this site had a "like button" for statuses and comments on statuses. You took the words right out of my mouth.
Wow!!!!!! First and foremost, congratulations on you new addition:-) second you and your fiance should not change your plans on when to get married just bc you are now having a child. Finish school and get the best education that you both can. Disregard about 90% of the Skibums comments!!! You don't take your fiance to court for child support "just in case things don't work out" or "make him sign legally binding documents and paperwork acknowledging paternity" here in the United states we call that "signing the BIRTH CERTIFICATE"..... as I see in your post I don't recall you posting anything about your fiance not wanting to financially take care of your child.... so I'm not sure where she got the idea that "tax payers" are paying for your baby..... "Skibum" you get yourself into trouble when you assume... you're assuming that bc this pregnant couple are not married that they're on public assistance, she never said that, you assume bc they're not married that she should take him for child support bc "anything can happen".... well you too should remember.... divorce rate is at an all time high and your husband could decide 6 months from now that he doesn't want to be with you anymore and doesn't want to support your new baby..... so maybe you should have a back up plan too....
Where I live the only way to give the baby the fathers last name if your not married is for the father to sign two sets of papers at the hospital first claiming paternity of the child. They make the father sign both sets because one is his copy and one is yours and that comes in handy if you did need to file for child support later. If they don't sign it then the baby has to take your last name. But it could be different I guess depending where you live. This is just how things are done where I live.
I apologize I came across as rude.
Birth control is not 100% and there is always a chance of inadvertent human error.Simply taking antibiotics while on the pill can lead to unplanned pregnancy if you were not educated by the physician about thier use.
Marriage is about love and committment to another person, not the big celebration. If two people who love one another, are pregnant, and are committed to staying together, why not have a simple civil ceremony now to provide better legal protection for both parents, AND financial security for the baby? You can still save money for a nice "Event Wedding" in 2 years after you finish college.
If you both are gaining post secondary education, then maybe you can both see where marriage, or establishing child support responsibilities based on you individual incomes at time of birth will legally protect you both, and bind you both, to be financially responsible for the child from day one forward, even if you want to wait to get married.
If dad's are truly committed to the mothers of thier children and to being financially responsible for thier kids, then they should be man enough to at a minimum, complete the legal paperwork for child support if they don't plan to marry.
Ladies....I am not trying to be rude. I see too many girls and women who have "baby daddies" that are dead beats. I wouldn't want to be one myself and I share this wisdom hoping that some of you will respect yourself and children enough to get dad's to marry or sign legal binding documents to acknowledge paternity and support for a child At Birth so you will and baby will not have to legally fight for it should he change his mind later.
Best of luck to you and others! YES, I AM OLDER AND PREGNANT AND GOT THIS FORUM BY ACCIDENT, BUT MAYBE MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, WATCHING MEN FAIL TO PAY SUPPORT FOR THIER KIDS BORN OUTSIDE OF MARRAIGE AND THE ADVICE I SHARED WILL HELP SOMEONE.
We can learn and avoid hardship by others sharing thier experiences with us....If we are all suspose to Be Positive and Only Be Supportive when we answer these questions then the poster is only affirmed in thier question and the answer they want to hear vs. having a chance to see things from a different perspective...from others who may have a bit more life experience, regardless of age
Birth control is not 100% and there is always a chance of inadvertent human error.Simply taking antibiotics while on the pill can lead to unplanned pregnancy if you were not educated by the physician about thier use.
Marriage is about love and committment to another person, not the big celebration. If two people who love one another, are pregnant, and are committed to staying together, why not have a simple civil ceremony now to provide better legal protection for both parents, AND financial security for the baby? You can still save money for a nice "Event Wedding" in 2 years after you finish college.
If you both are gaining post secondary education, then maybe you can both see where marriage, or establishing child support responsibilities based on you individual incomes at time of birth will legally protect you both, and bind you both, to be financially responsible for the child from day one forward, even if you want to wait to get married.
If dad's are truly committed to the mothers of thier children and to being financially responsible for thier kids, then they should be man enough to at a minimum, complete the legal paperwork for child support if they don't plan to marry.
Ladies....I am not trying to be rude. I see too many girls and women who have "baby daddies" that are dead beats. I wouldn't want to be one myself and I share this wisdom hoping that some of you will respect yourself and children enough to get dad's to marry or sign legal binding documents to acknowledge paternity and support for a child At Birth so you will and baby will not have to legally fight for it should he change his mind later.
Best of luck to you and others! YES, I AM OLDER AND PREGNANT AND GOT THIS FORUM BY ACCIDENT, BUT MAYBE MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, WATCHING MEN FAIL TO PAY SUPPORT FOR THIER KIDS BORN OUTSIDE OF MARRAIGE AND THE ADVICE I SHARED WILL HELP SOMEONE.
We can learn and avoid hardship by others sharing thier experiences with us....If we are all suspose to Be Positive and Only Be Supportive when we answer these questions then the poster is only affirmed in thier question and the answer they want to hear vs. having a chance to see things from a different perspective...from others who may have a bit more life experience, regardless of age
I'm pregnant with my first my baby is getting my boyfriends last name . I'm been with him for 5 years and we're not even engaged and not planning to marry anytime soon. I see nothing wrong with it and the only way dad needs to pay child support is if you file for it. the father will have rights to his child unless court says other wise.
Me and my babies father aren't married and were having our third baby in March. Both of our other kids have his last name. It hasn't created any problems if nothing else it makes things easier for us because that's his proof their his kids so it makes things less frustrating when it comes to school and doctors and taxes. He won't have to pay any child support unless you file for child support otherwise he wouldn't have to pay it. If you guys are getting married then it would be easier to give the baby his last name at birth rather than paying to change it later.
I am 30 and me and my boyfriend have been together over 10 years. We are not married nor do i plan on it. It is a peice of paper which does not define your relationship at all. Nothing against marriage, just my opinion. We have a 2 1/2 year old and are expecting our second. Our first has his last name as will our second. It causes no problems other than the occasional dirty look i get when i say her last name is different than mine like i am an unwed 12 year old. It bothers me sometimes but then i think i have several friends who are married but havent changed their names. It is 2015. There are all types of families out there!
Why are you even in this group to begin with ? You're 43 . You're rude and she doesn't need those opinions to begin with . No one does so how about you do us all a favor and leave your negativity out of the comments .
Well some people are just rude! Supportive these posts are supposed to be not to pick on people because we are having a bad day. There's constructive criticism and then there's just plain rude!
Because theres only 2 years left. And actually i was on birth control, and my education on it provided me with the information that birth control doesnt always work 100% of the time, and as for my education now, its going perfectly fine for what i want to be. Also, yes we do live together, and already are engaged. And we are ewady to support it, before i got pregnant we talked about getting married when we get done with college, and still plan to with our son.
Well aren't you just rude , shes waiting for marriage isn't a big deal the baby is more important then a piece of paper right now
Since you are not married yet, and really, anything can happen, I Would Use His Last Name FOR BABY AND establish minimum child support required by your state for his income level. Do you live together now? How are you planning to share financial burden. Why aren't you getting married now vs waiting....I guess if you wait then you as a single mom can qualify for a Pell Grant for school so tax payers pay for your education and lack of use of BIRTH CONTROL. If you are both adult enough to have sex and create a kid, you should both be ready to support it. Let dad off the hook now us tax payers get hosed
He would only have problems if he left you and you took him to court.. Lots of women have their child's father still around with them without being married
It will not cause any problems. If he is helping u out he won't have to pay anything and he will have his rights as long as u dont take him to court for full rights. Only way he would have to pay child support is if one of you filed for it. Hope this helps.
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