another in law compaint...

[Lesley27]

okay so my in laws dont talk to me before they do anything, there are no boundaries... in the fall my SIL bought my daughters whole entire winter outfit without asking me or even talking to me about it at all... im pretty sure she didnt even have her boys winter outfits yet! and now my MIL showed up with all her spring stuff... both times ive been looking around on what to get my daughter and now AGAIN they already went ahead... i know this sounds kinda stupid of me to complain about this but this is my daughter and i think this is one of the perks of being a mom... but i havent gotten to shop for her cause they already do it...and the reason i keep hearing from my MIL for why my SIL shops for her so much is because "she is the daughter she never had" as my SIL has 2 boys and got her tubes tied so she is done having kids... well she isnt her daughter she is mine! so today when my MIL showed up with her sping stuff...boots and wind pants i told ehr she really doesnt have to buy her this stuff as i do plan on getting stuff myself, she instantly put the boots back and said well thats fine ill take them back... and i said well its okay you got it already, you have it already its just save some stuff for me to get and she insisted on taking everythign back.... my BF asked what else was in the bag adn she had gotten her a shirt as well and i guess was gonna take that back too and my BF insisted on keeping the stuff and they went back and forth till my BF just took everything outta the bag and took the tags off..... so anyway now i feel like absolute crap, i feel aweful but i dont know what else im supposed to do? they have never ever asked me or talked to me before buying stuff, never ask if i need somethign or what they can get that she needs... it ticks me off and now i feel like a huge meany and i now opened up this huge elephant in the room and it *****! now his mom is gonna go to both his sisters and im sure his aunt, and his gramma and tell them that i dont want them to buy anythign and tahts not it.... there is a difference between cute outfits and her entire winter outfit... i have different style then them and in the end im not allowed to buy her stuff cause they already did and i dont think thats right? am i a complete idiot? li jsut had enough and now i just want to cry... i dont know what to do :( stupid hormones!

[brit0585]

Well how bout just saying thank you and taking it back to the store.. tell them it was a gift if it all has tags on it and see what sort of credit u will get. U may not get how much was spent but u r able to pick out your own things. Or say next time you go can I go with you.. as for the doing your laundry and cleaning things I'm sure again if she is there to babysit and that's when she does it then be greatful for the help because I'm sure that's all its meant to be.. rearranging is a different story and the goodies u have to put your foot down and say absolutely no more is allowed in the house because you don't want your family eatting that way. Tell her she is overstepping the boundaries and that she is not allowed to bring it. End of story.. but again if she is there all the time babysitting she is going to do it. Tell your bf how u feel about your daughter eatting it and that you don't want it around the house. Good luck

[Lesley27]

Awww im glad its not just me that looks like i dont "appreciate" anything lol it really does make me feel better that there are other familys like this ;) and i agree not everything is bad but its the big stuff that gets to me... the stuff that i as her mom am obviously gonna get (like the seasonal stuff) my SIL doesnt give the option for me to disagree she has ways of wording things where there isnt an option...like i said she tells me never asks...

For example one of my friends had a cute photo shoot done and my SIL said something about "Allisa is gonna get those done" and my reply was oh well we will see... her reply "no she will be getting them done"  like really... im the mom ya know lol

But thanks for making me feel better, im just stressed... im mostly upset my BF didnt back me up and after his mom left he called me a "meany" in joking way but i already felt bad ya know... these darn crazy ppl, its true, you can choose your friends... not your family lol and these hormones... i feel like im losing my mind over nothing? lol like i should go get  myself admitted or something... its almost nap time here and i cant wait! i think i need more sleep :) and again, thanks for listening to the crazy lady rant!!

And thanks to everyone else who took time to reply... i needed a good vent and nobody was answering their phones last night lol so im glad i can come here... i am feeling better about it and the more i think about it, i think it was better i said it that way then some of the ways i invisioned telling them LOL so whatever its all said and done... just have to see if they listen or just ignore me like every other time i try to say something :) but i agreee my BF needs to step up and we have talked about it and he so failed the test!

[kfrasher]

I know!!! I was sooo annoyed abt it!! And to top it off, I have to go over to my sil house to pick it up bc she wants to see me open it!! My major prob is my emotions show on my face no matter how hard I try to keep it in check!! I can guarrentee I'm not gonna like it n she gonna get mad at me!! She did this kind of thing back when hubby n I were engaged too!! She bought me a nightie and in conversation I mentioned I don't care for the nighties with shorts, id rather have a gown, well she  had bought me one with shorts!!! Ha* she litterally went to her room n got  them and threw it at me!!  Lol..;-) she has a bad temper!! She buys for our girls all the time and sometimes its really good stuff, but those times its not are always bad!! I've been told I don't appreciate anything!!! =)

[Lesley27]

i dont think i could handle someone else picking out my diaper bag lol thats like a purse... and it depends on how you organize your stuff! actually my diaper bag is a purse! just have to make sure it has pockets on the ends for bottles :)

[Lesley27]

Okay so ive had a sleep and im still feeling a lil crappy about it, i am glad i held back and i did say it in a nice way... i really could have been worse...

So it doesnt just go from how much they over step in my daughters life they are way to much in my BFs life and my daughter is kinda the last bit if sanity i have left... The farm we are on was my BFs parents so my MIL still very much walks in here and does whatever she wants, she doesnt think twice about doing my BFs laundry, the towels, or my daughters clothes, for the most part she does stay away from mine UNLESS its in the dryer then she will fold it!(yep fold my undies! im 27!) I hate this i have certain ways of folding and putting away stuff and they fold stuff really sloppy then dont put it in the right spots and i have to go reorganize my stuff after they have been here.... My BF is gonna be 33 this year! he isnt a batchlor, the laundry isnt outta control! there is no reason for her to do this!
Then theres her baking that she brings out, and the eating habits she allowed her son to have... he doesnt eat healthy AT ALL... i have made him change only slightly so far or i take what he does eat and try to make it healthier(his mom doesnt believe in making kids eat what they dont want) so i asked her politely to not bring out cookies and such as i was trying to eat healthy and didnt want it in the house.... so she started bringing it and saying "its for clint" cause that makes a difference! i tell her all the time that he will die before her because she eats VERY healthy but pushes nothing but crap onto him(he has a hge family history of diabetes, heart disease and cancer)... now when she comes out to babysit(just for a couple hours in the evening when im on nights) she waits till im gone to bring the goodies in? i dono, im not sure how she figures i wont notice the next morning when i get home? And it doesnt stop at my BF... She doesnt listen to me and loves to feed my daughter crap as well... so now its affecting her, and its hard to get her to eat healthy when she ate the healthy food before...

She also will clean and move stuff around in my house...yep very annoying OH i could keep going.... there are no boundaries and no its not at all for me! they dont listen to me, i told my BF its like im not even here! so ive been biting my tongue for well my daughters 20 months now but seriously cant they talk to me? if i was gonna go buy something other than outfits and toys id talk to who ever i was buying it for... i thnk the boots were the last straw as the last 3 times we have been in the city ive checked out all the spring stuff... i havent bought anything yet because we havent had our daughter with us...and my sister made the mistake of trying to buy rubber boots without her son there and had to return them 3 times before getting the size right... so i completely already know what i want and its not the boots she got(like i said, we have different style)

So anyway im not some unappreciative snob, ive have and am still holding back but there isnt any limits and its stressing me out! im starting to feel a bit better but cant wait for them to trash talk me to each other, cause they love to gossip but whatever... maybe they will listen and back off... lol wishful thinking?? So i just needed to vent, i cried a lot yesterday and think the hormones are taking me for a ride... so thanks for listening... its good to get it out!

[Heatherm4]

I would say that your BF has to be the one to approach them on this. It's his responsibility since it is his Mom and Sister. Maybe he can offer that they send you a pic before buying or give a receipt so if it doesn't fit or it's not your style, you can switch it for a different size or colour of something different.
My husbands grandma always buys our son clothes that are too small for him. Each time I have to ask for the receipt to I can get a bigger size. She doesn't mind. It's kinda annoying since we tell her every time that because the size lists his age doesn't mean it's going to fit. He's big for his age and everything fits differently.
If they continue, just buy the stuff you want and dress her in that. They'll notice she's not wearing their crap and realize they are wasting money! LOL

[kfrasher]

Well hun..at least if seems they really like you!! My mil and sil do this, but they send me pics on the phone n ask which one I like best!! They are driving me nuts bc we are having a boy finally..they want to buy him everything!! This past week my sil decided she was buying me a diaper bag, so she sends a few pics n tells me to choose one!! I really didn't like any of em n would've liked to actually see them, but god forbid I say no!!! Ahhh!! I'm also kinda funny abt wanting my girls to match too!! Not always exactly, but at least their colors corrdinating!! Well, they havnt gotten it yet!! They will buy the girls dresses n say ooo look they match n ill be saying in my head, REALLY???? I feel ya hun!!!

[mybaby2]

I know exactly how you are feeling!!!!  My exMIL was the same way.  She even tried to make an appointment for my daughters first pics.  I put my foot down and explained that i love and appreciate  all the stuff she was buying but i also wanted to do some of it myself and she was taking away from things i wanted to do.  Things got a lot better after that but now that i have gotten a divorce from him she is going nuts at buying again.  But now my daughter is 5 and thinks whatever she wants she can have, which i was afraid of from the beginning :S

[hairdid]

I would say just to keep the peace, say thank you but just don't have ur daughter wear the clothes and buy your own. I totally understand the big stuff.  My mom wants to get me the stroller and carseat I told her I.picked one.out and she kept sending me pics of other ones. Idk what she didn't understand about "I picked one out already" so I do get it. Just be nice to keep the peace, inlaws can be too much at times.

[Lesley27]

Its not just one thing, its constant... there isnt anything left for me to buy, other than diapers and that fun stuff, they got her swimwear ALREADY, anything that she might need tehy get before i get to the city, they buy her stuff monthly and not jsut a couple thing i mean like 4 outfits each... i have so many clothes that fit her that i dont use half them... i have stuff from Christmas that i haven touched cause they dotn ever stpo bringing stuff... so what am i supposed to buy if she doesnt get a chance to wear what she has? i havent got to shop for her barely ever.... his sister also tells me not asks me, tells me what photography pics my daughter is gonna get done, i think the only thing i have got to buy before they did was her kiddy pool last summer and my MIL didnt bring it in the house when after she had my daughter out there and it got wrecked (i live in a farm) they went together for my baby present and got my stroller and car seat combo (which i am very happy with) but i had no say in which one i got... they gave me a crib that i think was from 1991? and were offended when i bought a new one... i cant talk to them with out feeling bad about anything... its not that i wouldnt mind the odd thing here and there...but its non stop, i swear his sister really thinks this is her kid... but when it comes to big things that come with preference i think ya need to talk to me first... this probably istn worded teh best but my BF is in the house now and i think he wouldnt understand i need to vent or ill go insane... i just feel there are no boundaries and its like im not even in the picture...anyone understand?

[hairdid]

I wouldn't mind if my family got things for my baby. That just shows that they think about ur daughter. Heck its less for me to buy. And its doesn't mean u can't still buy things. My dad and step mom.just came over with a ton of maternity clothes for me, I enjoy it.