OT- Do any other SAHM's really miss working?

[LauraB78]

Hi. I have been a SAHM since 2 weeks before my son was born.. He is now 2 and I am DYING to go back to work. I am feeling like I have no value.. I am sick of cleaning and find staying at home mentally exhausting. We have also moved across the country and I have NO family OR friends in this state. I am so lonely.. I always thought being a SAHM was something I would love and I do NOT love it AT ALL. I feel a little guilty or inadequate for NOT loving it, but it's just not fulfilling me.. I am just wondering of anyone else is in the same "boat?"  Thanks for reading. I hope everyone is well. I haven't been on here in quite some time.. And please, no harsh judegement. I know lots of women on here are SAHM's and find it amazing.. I give you lots of kudos for your decision as I firmly believe being a SAHM is the hardest job I have ever had, it just isn't for me.

[penswriter]

I was a stay at home mom for 2 years..I missed work SO SO SO SO SO much. So...when the boys turned 2 I went back to managing restaurants. Yeah....I'm a general manager and I really do love it. HOWEVER, I miss my kids like crazy! Now my husband gets to stay home all day. He's doing the potty training...seeing everything they do while I'm out of the house 50-60 hours a week. I hate it now. I miss my boys.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I have been a SAHM before and felt similar to you.  I loved being with my kids but missed being with adults.  At that time my husband and I were also having a lot of problems so I missed being around adults even more because I had too much time to think about my marital problems.  I got a job back then in the hopes of saving my marriage because my husband was having to work 2 jobs.  I thought that if I started working, he wouldn't have to work both jobs, thus being able to be home with us more.  So I felt that I could either get a job and possibly save my family (feeling this would actually be best for my kids), or if things didn't work out between us, I would already have a job.

We did end up separating for almost a year but were "together" during that time.  We got back together and bought a bigger house.  That kind of sinched the deal of my HAVING to work.  There was no choice anymore and my husband held it over my head when I stayed home as well.  But he was so much younger back then and I think that had a lot to do with that really.

Fast forward to now....We decided when I was pregnant with my last (she's almost 18 months old now) that I would stay home once she was born.  I was so unhappy at my job but beyond  that, we just had too many children to justify childcare anymore.  It literally was not worth it anymore for me to work.  Someone was always sick and needing their mom, me.  I hated feeling like I was having to choose between my children and my job.  My children were going to win, but then I might lose my job and I just hated that feeling.  I just felt like my place was home.  I really felt that God had called me to be home with my children because all of a sudden, and I do mean all of a sudden, it was so clear to me on where **I** needed to be.  Once that was decided, I just couldn't have that baby fast enough.  When I was about 34 weeks along, I started having preterm contractions and my baby sitter had quit just a couple of days before that.  Everything seemed to be happening just as it was suppose to.

I told my husband the same thing though.  I told him that I had to try finding work from home because I needed to do more than just clean.  I just wouldn't feel fulfilled that way and knew I was capable of more.  It became a full time job for me to find work from home, which I never found but do believe it is out there.  For many reasons, I decided to start homeschooling earlier than I had planned and do that now with 3 of my kids.  It keeps me so very busy that I never feel like I have enough time so I feel I have purpose now.  I feel that there is nothing more important that I could be doing.

I know you have posted about this before Laura and I think you have your answer really.  You probably should try to find something, at least part time.  You would probably feel much better, or you could even try to start your own business from home.  There are many things you could do.  Think about your talents and services and think about contracting them out.  There are probably many marketable traits that you have without even thinking about it.  You could come up with a catchy name and use a DBA.  Have some business cards printed and pass them around to local business, etc.  Anyway....just an idea.  Good luck :)

[adgal]

Such an interesting topic.  I took a year after my son was born and loved it.  Towards the end of that year I was missing work though, but didn't want to leave him 5 days a week.  So I worked it out to go back 3 days a week and find working part time the ideal solution for me and my family.  My son is very social and I think the 3 days of daycare is really positive for him, then for 4 days he and I get to do all sorts of activities.  It is also allowing us the extra money to put into his education fund and other extras...I like having the extra money.  With this balance I am really happy.  I love my job, and I also look forward to those 4 full days with him...I don't feel like I am missing out on any of his milestones, or that someone else is having a bigger hand in his care and development then I do.  It works for us.  Good luck on your decision, I know full well it's not an easy one to make.  Either way, don't feel guilty.  There are pro's and con's for children of SAHM's and for children of working parents.  But at the end of the day a happy mommy is the best mommy.  Good luck!!

[JoyRenee]

I skipped other comments for time's sake and so I can just share my opinion/experience. I have been a SAHM for 6 years. SIX years. There are days I am so bitter and upset that I'm STUCK at home (we only have one vehicle) but when I think about getting a job and what that would entail and how our schedules would be all over the place I take pause. There are times when I am literally at home all day for days on end. Thankfully my sister-in-law is moving down the street (she also has three kids the same ages as mine).

I found something I love to do and am able to do while at home (which you're aware of; I'm not allowed to talk about it here because it is self-advertisement). That is how I keep my sanity. Any SAHM, no matter how much she enjoys it, HAS to find something that is completely and wholly her. And it has to be something non-mommy and non-wife.

Right now I'm thinking about joining the school board at my oldest child's school. I also help here at MedHelp, run a blog, do product reviews & giveaways on another blog and run my own Etsy shop. And I clean, cook and take care of the kiddos. I WAS going to homeschool but I put my foot down with my husband. I LOVE homeschool but for other people. It is NOT my strong suit to sit around talking about shapes and letters all day. And without a second car getting out for field trips is impossible (I may be in the city but there's nothing around me except for other homes and a sleazy park here or there).

I definitely want to continue my education and eventually get a job when all my kids are in school. Right now I'm enjoying being their primary caregiver. I'm not the best at it but I'm better than anyone else I can think of for the job.

Not everyone desires to be a SAHM nor enjoys it nor feels good at it. I wouldn't feel the least bit guilty for getting a job, Laura. If you need to you should do it! There are plenty of preschool programs or daycares that will be educating your child and showing him discipline and social interaction. It might be good for all of you. And you may make new friends and acquaintances! Very hard to do when stuck at home all day. Or if your only realm of existence consists of your home and the grocery store, right?! LOL!

[echoecho9er]

I totally know how you feel too. I "tried" unsuccessfully to be a sahm for about a year. I was literally becoming depressed. This was when my son was about 3 and my daughter was newborn. I quit my job just after finding out I was pregnant with my daughter, stayed home the whole pregnancy with my son, then when my daughter was here and about 6mths old, I started dying to get back to work. I'm generally the kind of person who likes to stay to herself, and I'm pretty quiet, but when I was a SAHM I found myself striking up conversations with the cashiesr at the grocery store, and anywhere else I could find someone to speak 2 adult words to me lol.  I think in this day and age where more and more women are working and are mothers worked, its a subconscious thing to feel like you're not any value, even though we all know that sahm's have the hardest jobs in the world by FAR!!! After I put my kids in an amazing Daycare, where I knew the lady who ran it very well, and they were out every other day on fieldtrips to the beach, and zoo and everywhere else, I knew my kids were doing things that I was not doing because of feeling so depressed and blue. I went back to getting my OWN paycheque and making my own money and felt much better. I think being a stay at home mom is really really challenging in so many ways..if you are able to do it I think its AWESOME. I have recently been laid off of my job though and I'm now a sahm again lol, however this time I'm enjoying it, but my kids are 7 and 4, so its much easier.  
Good luck!!!    

[emmiesmam]

i had to go back to work when my little girl was 18 months i was going mad just needed to see some grown ups for a change i know how u feel hun. im only part time but that will do for me good luck xx

[jenkaye21]

(sorry... continued...) FInd a great sitter.  Maybe PT will be enough.  If not, go ahead and look for a FT job.  Let your DF know how you feel, and really, it's your decision.  Good luck!

[jenkaye21]

I am a teacher, so I get to be a SAHM every summer.  Long enough for me to realize it is definitely NOT for me.  Men just do NOT get it, unless they've been the SAH parent, there is no way they could possibly understand how hard it is!  There is SO much to do, and all of it boring. :)
My (non-school age) kids are in a wonderful family daycare where they get tons of love, superb care, healthy meals and interaction with other kids.  They love their provider and she geniunely loves them.   I don't feel guilty-  AT ALL-- about going to work each day.  I know it is best for me and my kids.  
If i were you I would look for something, maybe part time to start.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I was a sahm for 4 years with DS6 and DD7, then I went to work for 3 years and now I've been a SAHM again for a little over a year.  I LOVED my job, I enjoyed the time away from kids, cooking, cleaning, etc and being able to have adult interactions.  I now stay home all day with the exception of shopping and school functions.  I have NO friends here (that literally means NO friends).  I don't go out and do things.  The only adult interaction I get is with my DH, occasionally at the school and if I happen to run into an acquantance while shopping.  

While I would LOVE to have friends and be able to hang out and what not, right now I feel like I'm doing what I need to do, I'm making a big impact in the lives of my children.  It's not always fun and sometimes it's boring, depressing, aggravating etc.  But I know in the long run my children will be better for it.  I have time to devote to them, to their school functions etc.  I don't feel as overwhelmed with everything as I did when I was working.  I always felt rushed and like I NEVER had time to do ANYTHING, especially relax.  Now even though there's a never ending list of things to do with a family of 7 I don't feel so rushed and panicked to get everything done RIGHT NOW.  

I quit my job becuase of that feeling and also becuase I was having behavioral problems with DD7, DS2 was getting bit regularly at daycare...I also felt like I didn't know my kids anymore.  DS2 was doing things I didn't know he could do until weeks after the fact.  He would actually cry when he left the daycare and that made me feel like CRAP.  I also ran into the problem of always having to leave work becuase someone was sick or trying to get time off to go to a school function etc.

I look at it like this...Once my kids are older and more self sufficient they will get into that stage of not needing mom so much...I can worry about my social life then.  Until then, I'm going to devote myself to my family.  That's just me though.  

My old job actually called me a few weeks ago and offered me my job back.  I considered it for all the reasons you mentioned, but ultimately decided that for right now I'm happier staying home knowing that my kids know I'm here for them anytime they need me.

I grew up in a single parent home and my mom worked 2-3 jobs at a time.  I was staying home alone and taking care of myself from the age of 8.  There were times I would go days without seeing my Mom becuase she would get home after I went to sleep and leave before I got up.  I know she did the best she could with the circumstances she had, but since I have the opportunity to do otherwise, I want to give my kids to have a parent that can be completely involved in their lives.  

Sorry I kind of got to rambling, I hope I made some sense though LOL

[alaysha]

I hate being on maternity leave. Work to me is about getting adult interaction and being able to be something other than a mom for 5 minutes. Plus I think daycare helps them develop good social skills. It didn't used to be that only the immediate family raised children. Like the saying goes, "it takes a village to raise a child". My daughter just got a scholarship for school next year (she only just turned 3) because she is so smart. I know that a lot of the stuff she knows was taught by the people other than DH and I that she interacts with.

[Clysta]

Omg!! I know what you mean. And then he comes home and asks why I didn't get stuff done and if I just sat around all day. I have a child who refuses to let me put her down and it's difficult (to say the least) to even eat for 3 minutes, let alone do housework.

[julianovak]

TO all of you!

I was a SAHM for 2 yrs, Since I was 5 months pregnant, until my DD turned 18 months. Yes, it is exhausting, it is hard, it does get boring... It is your child, but those feelings are completely normal. I loved spending my time with DD and I loved cooking (perhaps it kept me sane for the time being...) but you can only go so long without adult-contact, or for that matter HUMAN contact. lol. Its difficult both ways, to be a working mom, or to be a SAHM. Both have their own difficulties, and both have their own positives.

While I love working and everything, its harder to get things done at home, its harder to have my child listen to me, (bc at daycare/preschool/with grandma) kids are taught differently, You say no to something, and your child flips at you bc his caretaker lets him. Its hard to find "level" ground with a child when he has two (or more) people taking care of him and teaching him whats allowed and whats not. **** I personally find this to be the "hardest" thing about me working, is that my DD isnt as great behaviour wise as she used to be. GRANTED i know shes a small child, BUT she tends to get upset very easily and has a short fuse. HENCE why I am quitting my job (Mar.18.!!!!) to spend time with her and get her attitude to where I want it to be before our little guy makes his appearance sometime in May.

Am I worried I wont like being a SAHM? Not really, because I know how full my hands will be with a three yr old and a newborn and I couldnt fathom cleaning cooking and taking care of my two babies along with work.


Anyways, Its hard both ways, perhaps a few days a week of work would do the trick for you or even night shift. Just to get out there and do something for you. Dont do anything more then 25 hours, because youll be exhausted! Just for the mere fact of "getting out" of the house I am considering doing two days of working. Theres cons and pros to both. Good Luck!

[LauraB78]

My DF LOVES to comment on constantly about "I have to go to work.." It p i s s e s me off to no end.. Like staying at home is some free ride.. I just respond with.. "Yup, thank god for the laundry fairy, the dish fairy, the nanny, the housekeeper, the dogwalker and feeder, and the chef.. OH WAIT.. That's ALL ME!" Such an a$$.. We have been fighting a lot lately too. I just feel like a freakin' slave.. Overworked, no pay, and under appreciated.. Plus, I want to make my OWN money.. This depending on him makes my skin crawl..I hate relying on anyone.. It bugs me..

[Beccabb]

I guess eveyones different my boyfriend is trying for a better job so I can be a sahm but to be honest ive been in work since I was 16 and I don't know if it will be for me either :/

[Clysta]

I didn't quit working while pregnant myself, but had left around 3 months before I got pregnant. I was in the process of getting a new job when it happened. Then during pregnancy I was too ill to work, so I stayed home the entire time. It's definitely exhausting. I never thought I'd miss work so much, and my baby is only 6 months old. For me it's just being around the same person nonstop. I know she's my daughter and all, but you can only do the same things so many times before you want to rip your hair out. Not to mention DH loves to mention that some people have to get up early and work and can't stay home all day like I do. Irritates the daylights out of me. Unlike him, a SAHM's work never ends.

[LauraB78]

**Judgement. oops.