So stressed today(vent)...and update from Jesse's appt.

[chantal21]

Today is one of those days where I am just completely stressed!! I mean...I feel like...I don't even know. Just crazy, keep crying, and can't believe how long I had to wait at the docs to be taken back to a room for only 5 minutes and then get charged 75 dollars. I freakin' don't get docs. I seriously don't! This always happens to me!! Jesse had an appt. because his testicle is very swollen and I wanted to be sure all was well. I have been to the docs waaaay too much in the last 4 weeks. I feel like I am running there at every little thing and feel like a first time parent and you would think I should know things by now!, but they really aren't that little and could potentially be dangerous things. Anyway, Jesse's appt was at 2:30...I arrived there at 2:20pm and was suprised because I usually run 10 min late getting out the door, so I was happy and thought "well then, I should be taken back on time or not long after". When I am late, I usually have to wait 5-10min, then go back. THIS time, I waited an hour!!!!!!!! AN HOUR to just go back to a room and then another 15 min. for the doc to come in the room!!!!!!! Are you serious? Does anyone know how long a 17 month old can sit and wait for, before going completely crazy (or maybe that was me going crazy?) !?!??! Maybe 20 min...seriously. He is good, but not THAT good yet. He was pulling plugs out of the wall (i can only yell at him but so many times in front of other people and then pretend like I am happy and smile at everyone else!!), screaming, then crying, THEN I forgot to bring my pumped milk for Jesse (had the bottle, but no milk!!) and had to BF him there in the office with other people around (I'm not very fond of that and feel uncomfortable, but he had to eat because he started screaming!) So that meant I couldn't just stop feeding him to chase Jeremiah if he ran away without flashing someone with my boob. OH MY....I was so stressed.
I got there thinking I would be in and out and back home so Jeremiah could take his nap, I left the house at 1:45pm and didn't get home until 5pm!!! Talk about a long time out for something that should have taken 2 hours tops! with driving and the appt. I'm just stressed and need to vent!

SO anyway, Jesse's appt. went OK. He has a lot of fluid in his testicle. The doctor put the light up to the normal one and you could see it. But the other one, you could only see the fluid, that's it. =/  
So Jesse has another appt. in Nov and he is going to re-check him and if it hasn't cleared by then, he is thinking he may need surgery. He already has an umbilical hernia, and the doc says it could just be excess fluid (hydrocele) which should clear on it's own, or it could be a hernia and that would require surgery. So  now I have to find someone who can do an ultrasound on it to see exactly what's going on at a good price since we don't have insurance. And if he needs surgery, it's going to cost thousands!!!!! We can't do that right now...I am so stressed out. So hubby is looking into getting insurance for the kids for now, so we will see how that goes. It would be too much to try to get it for all of us at the moment.
I seriously just need a break. My mom lives over an hour away, and I can't keep bugging my MIL all the time for help. I feel terrible, I'm stressed, and I want to crawl in a corner and cry.
Sorry to vent on you ladies. I just can't get a break. Since I was 28 weeks pregnant I was on bedrest, then had Jesse a month early, and now it seems like problem after problem....I am starting to go mental and don't know how you moms do it with 2 little ones so close in age. Some days it's fine, but some days I am so stressed and wish Jeremiah was just a bit older and understood more. Okay...I now have 2 screaming babies...I must go...................................forgive me for venting...this it totally not like me!!! I can usually keep my composure, but today has been a test and I failed.

[chantal21]

Thanks ladies! I had a better day today thankfully, and tomorrow my MIL is going to take Jeremiah so he can at least have a nap. We are getting a new roof (when we got the one last year, no one mentioned how rotted the wood is and snow could make is collapse!) and raising the ceiling in the kids room (it was slanted) and well we weren't supposed to start the ceiling today but one of the guys kinda fell through, not all the way, but halfway and it made a huge hole in the room so we had to start the ceiling and had to move everything out of his room. We were afraid of them accidentally coming through our room, so we decided that Jeremiah wouldn't not be upstairs at all for a nap. But he wouldn't sleep downstairs at all..not even when I laid down with him.
so I will have a little break tomorrow...at least for a few hours and I can just focus on Jesse and maybe get some much needed cleaning done, although I did get some done today.
My doc said the ultrasound for Jesse would cost $1,200 and it doesn't need to be done unless the swelling gets worse or he gets fever or it hurts him. Who knows what a surgery would cost! So hopefully it won't get any worse here and just clears up. We shall see!!

Thank you all for the kind words :)

[mamaofonetrying42]

Oh Chantal, every mother needs to vent sometimes. I hope you are feeling better today? And I hope that Jesse heals on his own!!

[martikadragoon]

I'm sorry.... I know stress and it stinks!

[KellyA74]

Vent away!  I feel for you.....I have a 10 month old and some days he's enough to drive me to drink!  LOL...I can't imagine 2 little ones and an hour wait in an office.....You would think that Pediatrician offices would be more in tune with being on time being their "patients" aren't very "patient" most of the time!  
I'm not sure what state you are in...here in NY they have Child Health Plus (That may be nationwide actually)...I don't know a whole lot about it as we have health insurance, but it's just a though..I'm sure you're on top of that though....As far as medical bills go...get your little one healthy....you can pay hospitals $10/month until that bill is paid off......Don't stress too much over that!  Be well!  :o)

[smjmekg]

You sound like you need a break yourself. I remember the first few months after I had Elijah, loving it if I got five minutes to myself. Or the three times I went to the tanning bed, not for a tan necessarily but just because it took a total of fifteen minutes, including travel time, from my house to the salon five minutes in the bed and back home. I'd blast the radio, sing at the top of my lungs and just forget everything for a few minutes. When your DH is home, try going out for a walk by yourself for a little bit. Or wait until your oldest is asleep, if he goes to bed early, and have DH watch Jesse. I hope it gets easier, and Jesse is ok and it's nothing. You didn't fail, you're adjusting to the life of two babies under two. No one expects you to be Supermom, and it'll take time for everything to settle down and get into a routine with two. Hang in there, you're strong. Just take it one day at a time, or one hour at a time. *HUGS*

[sweetangel7]

I'm bfing and typing one handed so I must be brief but I wanted to say hang in there!

And I'm not sure where you live but I think min my state ma all kids are covered for healthcare...might be worth nseeing what your state does offer for kiddos!  

Hope Jesse is better and it turns out to be nothing!

[Grandmatobe]

You have not failed Chantal - - you are adjusting to having a second child and that is difficult under the best of circumstances, let alone when there are issues going on with one of them.  My oldest daughter is going to have her kids 16 months apart too, so I KNOW she is going to be busy.  It will get better after the first few years, but adding that second baby feels more like having 3 than 2.  I understand :)

Hopefully, Jesse's situation will clear up on its own and he won't need surgery after all.  Did the doctor say you had to do an ultrasound now, or only if it doesn't clear up in the next month?  If it can wait, then wait and see how he does.  If there are risks to waiting, then you get it done.  There are some independent ultrasound places that charge less than ones associated with doctor's offices, but if he needs the specialist to look at it, then so be it.  The choices are out of your hand, and you will do what you have to do.

In the meantime, you will work through routines and get settled, but it definitely takes time.  My 16 month old granddaughter is such a handful right now too.  I don't have the energy to run after her.....but I try.  Hugs to you and hang in there...