NEED TO VENT!

[kris777]

I am so sick of my other half having a happy hour every Friday with his buds on top of other outings he has!  He says he needs that because he works all week long and it's a break for him.  I agree he needs a break, but what about my break????  I don't ever get one!  I stay home with our almost three year old and am also 16 weeks along.  I miss getting to go out too--when I am not pregnant we never go out separately.  We always got a sitter so we could be together and BOTH have a break.  It's almost like he thinks he has a free ride to do whatever he wants because I am pregnant and can't go.  It drives me compeletely INSANE................in case you can't tell.  LOL  

Sorry..........I just needed to get that out.  Plus we are celebrating our Valentines today instead of yesterday so it would be nice if he could have skipped the happy hour today:(  Did he?  No!

[Gina209]

8 Years! In some States that's definitely considered a Marriage :)

Well I can totally relate to you...I was a HUGE partyer....loved going out to drink and have a good ol time. As soon as we got Married (just this past July) we majorly calmed down...we tried to focus on other things. I got Pregnant in September and all of a sudden my husbands hockey and or guy friends wanted to go out practically every freakin night! And here I am...loving to go out and drink...and sooo happy I was Pregnant at the same time! So I went out a few times...sat there, couldn't drink or really do anything. And luckily in the state of NY, smoking isn't allowed in bars or restaurants. But still, it wasn't really any fun for me to just sit there watching everyone else get hammered. So I fell bored with that real quick. Hubby isn't much of a drinker or partyer either so we kind of stopped going out with them. Unfortunately in November I had a M/C due to a Blighted Ovum...as soon as my body healed we started joining the boys again..starting with New Years Eve...etc etc. Enjoying drinking and being crazy every now and then. As much as I would definitely rather be Pregnant, I was still enjoying myself. So I can definitely relate to you on that matter. But I really think there can be a happy medium here. I can totally understand you not wanting to be around all that when Preggo...so why not just go every now and then? Just to be around him and his surroundings, to get out and socialize. And than maybe a night when he just goes and than next time he stays home and you guys do your own thing. Switch it up a bit...where he can still let loose but sometimes you'll tag along and other times you won't and others you can both let loose at home.

It can definitely get hard...especially since right now you guys are not able to do the same things (as far as drinking and partying goes) and that does get tough! But there is a happy medium here...I'm sure he'd love to hear how you want to spend more time with him...if you give in every now and then and go to the bar, maybe he'll give in every now and then and stay home...give and take, right? Good Luck Hun! I hope I've helped a bit!

[missyg477]

I understand what you are going through.  My husband has been the same way.  I hate Friday.  He stays after work and has a few beers with the guys.  I just don't like the idea that he drives home after a few beers.  It worries me.  And I don't want him to get used to this because when the baby comes he won't be able to do this.

[kris777]

Thank so much for your great advice and for being sooo sweet:)  Well, we aren't actually married but have been together for about 8 years now.................so we definitely feel married, but lack the official paper.  We do plan to have a wedding in the future when I finish school and start working............money has always stood in our way!  

He has always invited me also (non-pregnant) to happy hour or whatever, but he knows being preggo that I don't want to be around a lot of smoke and other people getting boozed up.  So when I am pregnant seems to be the only time we have this issue:(  It's really hard because I do miss having that time with him when we can just let go for a few hours!  We will talk more about it I am sure and I totally appreciate that he works like he does and supports our family.  There just needs to be more balance and understanding.  Thanks so much for your response:)

[Gina209]

Awww...if you don't mind me asking, how long have you been Married?
Hubby & I have very busy schedules too....and it becomes frustrating when you go long Periods without seeing one another, but our solution was definitely in Communication. I think so many couples under estimate how important it is to talk. We knew that we lead such crazy lives (hubby is a Pro hockey player) and I own my own business...but we also know that our relationship and our love is the most important thing. And when the day is over, when we're old and gray we're not going to have all those other things anymore, just each other. So we make it a point to have "special" time together. Whether it's 1 day a week or a couple hours a week even...or a certain time at night, we make it a point to snuggle on the couch and watch TV or play poker or go out and do something. When we got Married, my wonderful MIL got up this Marriage book...filled with stories, quotes, ideas, thoughts about Marriage and every night before we go to bed...we read a chapter, taking turns every night. And it really puts Marriage, Love and Life into perspective and thats the last thing we think about every night-it's really great.

So as much as I understand your hubby needing to get out...me and my girls have a "girls weekend" every single year. Just us girls going away for an entire weekend without our men! And my hubby plays paintball in the summer and hockey in the winter and he does his guy stuff too. But when he goes out, he always invites me. Maybe the fact that his hockey friends adore me helps :) hehe but still when you're Married, he should understand that "getting out" doesn't always have to mean being away from your wife and or family. He can still have a day or night with his buds if necessary but most of the time it should be with you too, even if he needs that outside atmosphere. Definitely talk to him, share your feeling with him. How would he like it if he was tied down to the house and you were bar hopping every weekend? I bet he wouldn't...put it into terms that a guy would understand...just talk, it's amazing what a conversation can do :)
Good Luck, if you need to talk you can message me too! XOXO

[kris777]

Thanks soooo much for your input and advice............it really does help:)  Sorry also that I didn't get back to you all earlier!  He did come home pretty quick after I sent the post because he could tell over the phone I was getting upset.  We have talked about this issue MANY times, but he feels he needs that time for a break.  I do need some kind of break of my own though--that is for sure!  He did end up taking me to get a pedicure and to a really nice dinner (the pedicure was a bonus) so I didn't stay mad for long.  He works 6-7 days per week so I also kinda take it personally that he doesn't just want to come right on home to spend time with us.  I ask myself............am I that boring?!!  LOL  Sure I can't drink and I have been suffering from almost daily headaches, but I would like him around.  Time will tell now I guess--I just wish he knew how I feel when he does those things:(

[JoyRenee]

There definitely needs to be compromise. You have to let him know! Men do not like guessing games, as my DH has told me when I expected him to read my emotions and body language! Just have a chat.

On the other side, though, your hubby is going through emotions with a second baby on the way and this is probably his release. Let him know that if he gets "free time" with his buddies, he needs to take your 3 year old on Saturdays and let you get out and go somewhere or relax in another room without being bothered.

And you guys DEFINITELY need "date time" to reconnect and stay charged in your marriage. My bro-in-law is like this, only worse. He doesn't love his wife enough to do what she asks and it is heartbreaking. I hope you have better luck with yours!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I see no reason why you CAN'T go...you can't drink...but they still sell soda during happy house.  Next time he wants to go out...don't offer to go, just tag along.  That ought to let him know that he doesn't have FREE reign like he thought

[Mommy3Girls]

i would say if the guys are going to a restaurant then you should be able to go. My Fiance and I dont go to bars or anything like that without each other. Bad situations arrise way too easy when the other isnt around. I would definitely talk to your DH's ladies. This could be more serios than it seems. It could be that they are scared, nervous or whatever and dont know how to express it, or it could be anything. i am sorry you are both going through this. It isnt fair at all. At least talk to them.

[MomNpain]

Gosh girl, I just said something to someone else about the exact same thing!!

Ok, I don't have a job. This past summer, I was working for a friend of mine sort of as a temporary thing until he found someone else...well, the jackass started getting a little too friendly and decided to feel me up one day and threaten to hurt me if I ever said anything to anyone. Needless to say, I started looking for another job right away...and as soon as I found one, my damn car broke down!! There was no possible way I could find any other transportation to work and since I wasn't working, I couldn't get my car fixed...never ending cycle..so anyway, DH has outings at least once every 2 months himself. Whether it's to a nice restuarant, a bar, a casino, a play, etc...he's always rubbing it in my face. Well, a few weeks ago he signed up at this gym (you'd laugh your asss off if you knew my DH) and ever since then, he's been going out 4 and 5 times a week to this gym and out to the bar with his buddies while I'm stuck here at home. I have no friends here in Columbus that are ever able to do anything because they have 4 and 5 kids, so I'm just simply stuck here. If I'm not alone, my stupid brother is here who I am seriously wanting to assault with my brand new cast iron skillet.

I so seriously know how you feel about them using the excuse that we're pregnant as to why we can't go yet they're (mine, at least) isn't able to come up with a logical explination as to why these nights out with his buddies just "coincidentally" became more freuqent when we got pregnant. Jerks.

I wish there were a way that I could do to him what he's doing to me. But then again he'd probably not care because that would just mean that the moment I left, he'd be out the door heading to the bar himself. OH! And get this! Dh and I have been together for 3 years!! In the ENTIRE time we've been together, he's drank a total of 3 times before this whole thing!!! Now, he comes home drunk off his butt puking all over himself and swearing to the porcelian Gods that he'll never drink again. Good grief. I wish they'd grow up and get over themselves. At least bring us home something good to eat...geesh.

I'd say we go out and cause some havocs ourselves...but what would we do? Get kicked out of the Cheesecake Factory for eating too much? Not to mention that you're across the freakin' country. Most of you are to me, anyway. Vent on, sistah!

[Mommy3Girls]

Have you talked to him about this?

[adawning4]

I completely understand and I think you and I need our break! I think you should put your foot down with him and let him know where you stand and if he dont like it get yourself a sitter and go do something for you! Thats what I did and now me and my husband go out together or not at all! Good luck!

[kris777]

Don't get me wrong though...............I am really happy to be having another baby:)  I just wish he was more understanding of my feelings and what I sacrifice for this pregnancy.  Lord knows he couldn't stop having drinks several times a week for a year, let alone one month!