Need Advice

[kelliestarr]

I am 32 weeks and this is my boyfriend and I first child. Here is my problem....
My brother and his girlfriend gave birth to a baby girl last month also my mothers first grandchild. My brother's girlfriend asked for my mom to witness the birth of her child with my brother so she was there during the labour.
Since then my mother just straight up told me that she will be there during my labour and witness the birth of my first child. She says she is going to be there wheather or not I want her to. She want to make everything fair and since she was there for my brothers baby birth she wants to be there for mine.

I don't wanna sound mean but I don't want her there in the delivery room I'd like her to be there after the baby is out but not there to see the birth. I just want my boyfriend and I in the room. I feel we made him and I want to be alone with him in the room I don't want to feel crowded.

I think she should be invited by my boyfriend and myself to witness the birth not just telling me that she going to be there no matter what.

I have not told her how I feel and I really don't know how to bring it up to her. She is the type to disown me at times and I'm afraid she will disown me if I don't let her in the delivery room. I do like to hang out with her at times and she is really fun but again I just want my boyfriend in the room. Plus she drinks I don't even know if she will be sober when the time comes. I just don't know what to do. Any advice for me?

[abbysmommy4]

My mom has been there for the birth of my four childre and I plan on having her here for this one as well.  It is a personal choice though.  You have to let her know how you feel and she should respect your feelings.  Wish you the best.

[sameerab]

I cant imagine not having my mom there..but to eaches own

[Avanaar]

I think when the time comes for my baby to be born, I just want it to be hubby and me.  My mom and I have a wonderful relationship and she's been there for me a lot ...but I feel it's something that I want to share with hubby and only hubby.

She has not asked or mentioned being in the delivery room ...in fact, since she lives 1400 miles away, she might not even be there till after the baby's born!  I think it would be nice to have her there during labor, but like others have said, once the pushing starts... Everyone Out!!!  =D

It's always hard to face the ones you love ...especially when it's something that will probably cause conflict.  But the best thing to do is be open and honest with your mother and let her know how you feel.  If she's the kind of woman who will disown her own daughter because you're stating what you want, then I feel sorry for her.  As your mother she should support your choice and just revel in the fact that she will be getting another grandchild ...even if she doesn't get to see him pop out!

[babydreams9]

You need to put your foot down and tell your mother no. She won't like it, but thats too bad. Shame on her for even putting this burden on you. You shouldn't have to cater to ANYONE else's needs besides your own. Even if she does "disown" you, she'll get over it with time. There is nothing wrong with wanting the experience of childbirth to be a private, intimate, quiet one. She will have plenty of time afterwards to spend w/her grandson; don't let her guilt you into thinking she's going to "miss out" on anything.

As for how to bring it up.... just do it. There's no easy way. I always start awkward conversations with "Ok, this is really not something I've been looking forward to, but we need to talk about ___". Obviously, don't have the conversation when she's been drinking or when you or her are very tired; all rationality goes out the window at those points! When the time is right, tell her exactly how you feel and emphasize that it's nothing personal against her, but that you & your boyfriend have certain visions in mind for this experience and you'd appreciate her respecting your wishes.

Hope this helps, and wish you the very best!!

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I feel the same way that you do.  My mom can be in there when I'm in labor.  I mean it can take some time and it gives you people to talk to to help pass the time.  And anytime they check you or do anything like that, they send everyone out anyway.  But once it comes time for me to start pushing, it is just me and my husband.  That is very personal to me.  Once the baby is born and I get cleaned up, my mom/parents can come back into the room and see the baby.

The most important thing is for you to do what is comfortable for YOU and not your mom and if she would disown you for that, then that is sad.  She's your mom and is suppose to love you, so I would think she would want you to be comfortable.

[dnikki0928]

I felt the same way when I was p/g with DS... My sister always told me she would be in the delivery room since I watched both her sons being born. Well, that's not what I wanted. My mom wanted to be there too.... BUT I told everyone that I DH and I did not want anyone there until after the baby was born. I had DS at 6:25 p.m and it was soooo nice to not have to worry about family, visitors ect to not be there AT ALL :) Even the doc and nurses said how nice it was to only have the two of us in there.
So... if your mom starts talking about it, just say it casually that only you and your bf will be in there. Another option is don't call anyone until after the baby is born....

Good luck!!

[mamaofonetrying42]

uhhhhh. Well, I guess you just need to tell her that is how you feel. If she is your mother she will understand. But really I LoVe having my mother in the room with ME! Not only to be there for me, but she got to welcome my son into the world with me.......

[Brittney11]

Dont worry about it the nurses will ask who you want in the room and they will have no problem telling her that she needs to leave. If thats what you want.