Depressed?

[lucy1999]

I found out in February (at 14 weeks) that I had miscarried.  Everyone (friends and family) called to see how I was doing and I said all the right things so that they would feel better and so that they would feel like they comforted me.   But reality is that I don't think I'm okay.  I'm so sad all the time.  I know that I am doing badly at work...which isn't good because a lot in on the line at work and I feel like I'm letting them down.  And I know that I'm not being the best wife because I'm just not happy and can't be happy around him.  Friday I found out that I have scar tissue from the D&C and have to go in for another procedure.   Also, I'm just going through all the motions through the fertility clinic to get pregnant again...but my heart just is not in it.   The thought of being pregnant again does not make me happy...becuase I don't think I will be happy because I could just miscarry again.   I know I'm rambling but I'm just in a bd place right now.   Any advice on being happy again??

[sweetangel7]

Well, I think the first step towards healing starts with reaching out...since you are in this forum, you are in good company!  I came hear after my mc in December.  Sadiesmommy helped me out a lot when I was trying to deal with all the emotions...December was devastating, January was devastating, February was bad, March was the first month where I felt kind of like myself again...I was actually getting really concerned about myself because I didn't know if my grief was 'normal'...time doesn't heal BUT it does soften the pain.  Perhaps you should take a break from ttc?  Make time for yourself...I started getting my nails done and massages just to help me relax and have time for 'me'.  It is hard to keep the faith but I found it comforting to believe that God had another plan for me and that my mc was in the plan and that I had to find some sort of positive out of the situation (It showed me how strong my husband can be and how our love can conquer anything).  He still hasn't blessed us with another baby yet but I am hopeful that it will happen on His time when it is right for us.  My advice,  connect with people here, try to do something for yourself, have faith and talk to a doctor if you need to.

[feather2e]

My heart goes out to you and there are alot of women who have been in the same position that you have been in. You need to allow yourself time to grieve, you have suffered a loss. Many women who have miscarriages have the fear of going through it again, but in the end their desire to have a child pushes them to keep trying. I had 2 five years ago and decided I needed to wait and heal. January of 2007 I started fertility treatments and I almost gave up after no success. We are now 9 weeks 4 days pregnant. Life gives us hurdles to cross, please do not give up on your dream but allow yourself to grieve and then pick yourself up and try again.

[sadiesmommy]

So sorry to hear of you loss, I want you to know that it is totally okay to be sad you have every right and you shouldn't try to be happy just to make others feel better. A few things I did during my miscarriage to help myself. First and formost I wrote it down - everything I was feeling and got it off my chest, second although it was hard to at times I initated the conversations with family and friends because I wanted to talk about it and they didn't want to bring it up if I wasn't thinking about it. Thirdly, I named the baby - my husband had no interest and still to this day doesn't know the name I picked. I did fit or me so when i was ready i could say goodbye and call my baby by name. I still haven't said goodbye and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of our baby at some point. I also have a simple silver band with her name engraved on the inside, that I wear almost everyday. There is no timeline on grief each has their own experiences but if your concerned about yourself you might want to talk to the docotor about it they can make some wonderful recommendations. I myself suffered from post partum depression after my son was born. Also by all means if the thought of you getting pregnant doesn't make you happy you may need to consider taking a break from it all and give yourself some healing time!!! My sister gave me a book about miscarriage and I laughed when i read the part about how miscarriages can sometimes lead to divorce but my husband and I had a very hard time with it - I knew we would never get divorced but there was a long time where I felt totally and utterly alone and I wanted to talk and he didn't.  I know it wasn't truly this long but sometimes it felt as if we didn't speak for days just because neither of us knew what to say to one another and I think that was the hardest part. Comforting one another when you are each overwhelmed with your own grief.  Feel free to PM me if you want I hope this helps and let me know how you are doing. I lost my baby Sadie Grace on November 28 2007.

[evthing4reason]

I am very sorry for your loss, I can totally relate to how you are feeling. It is really hard and its not something you get over overnight. I lost in Feb at 19 weeks due to a chromosone defect. The thing that bothers me is nobody asks how I am, they just ignore me and the situation--sure my friends/familt were there for me in the begining, bu Inever hear from them anymore.
You need to talk to your Dr and tell him/her that you are not doing so well, getting pregnant again is going to be very scary/emotional and you need to be at your best (that you can be). The biggest thing is that you know that you're not ok, THAT means you're NOT CRAZY (when you can admit you need help).
My husband and I are off for the Dominican for some rest, relaxation and recovery in about 7 hours!....can we afford this trip?nope! but it something we need to do as a couple, to help heal the hurt.
We're waiting until June (probably may) to start TTC again and I am terrified, it will be a much different pregnant without the excitement we deserve.