freaking out.

[annaleesmom]

I have been a wreck lately!!  I have been so emotional.  Lately I'm seriously thinking I should give my boyfriend back his engagement ring...  With a baby on the way We desperately need more space.  He was looking into buying a new house.  Tuesday he came home asking me about my credit history and my bills.  I clammed up and got upset.  I have been really upset since then and have been avoiding him.  My credit is REALLY bad.  I had a lot of problems with my ex-husband and the financial mess he left me with.  I have been working on it, and I hope to be done with it all in a few more months (about 6??)   Also he is just really different than me in our backgrounds.  His family is NORMAL, while mine is a weird mess.  I'm really embarassed lately.  I feel like I don't deserve him and he would be better off without me.  
Also I'm a really private person, and I don't want him to see me giving birth and all.  I have a 4 yr old daughter and I was alone with her through the pregnancy and birth  (ex husband whas only GOD knows where).
Last night my 4 yr old pulled my boyfriend into her room for "a talk".  She told him that I was sad because I couldn't get a house with him because I don't have the money.
My boyfriend thinks we should still look into it.  I don't want to drudge up all of my past credit while I'm still working on things.  He has no idea that things are still hard for me.  My boyfriend is very patient and supportive.  I feel like he will never get anywhere with me.
Am I being crazy here???  I just want to run away and hide.  I'm worried that he won't find me attractive once I start getting bigger, then the whole birth thing...  Am I trying to push him away because I'm afraud of him leaving like my ex did???  I feel like such a mess.  Oh, I'm somewhere between 8-12 weeks along.

[newuser82]

dont feel like a loser your obviously a very nice girl or he wouldnt be with you or love you as much as he does.Its hard but your working to get your finances straight theres girls out there who wouldnt care and take all they could your obviously not like that.I wouldnt be so hard on yourself it wont hurt to talk things through with him.
I wish you luck xx

[annaleesmom]

thank you all for your support.

I just feel like such a loser....

[smjmekg]

Give him a chance. I learned the hard way to leave my past behind me. You can't judge him based on your ex, they aren't the same person. He sounds like a good guy supporting you and being patient. It takes time, to heal from past wounds, but if you shut him out you may regret it later. If he doesn't accept you for who you are then he doesn't deserve you. BUT it sounds like he is very open and accepting, stop worrying so much, you'll see that everything will be fine, I'm sure. He may be the "happily ever after" one for you, give it time. I can definitely understand the financial difficulties, but he's there to support you and stand by you. If he is, let him. Open up to him, or at least try, it will be hard...but give yourself an opportunity to be happy with him. Talk to him about how you feel. Communication is key in a relationship. You're not being crazy, you're still feeling the effects of your past. It has taken me a very long time to let go of my past, and I've been married to my husband for two years, it's a slow process but you'll get through it, and I'm sure your boyfriend would be more than willing to help you.

[diggitydaws]

Hello,

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation! I hear EXACTLY where you come from! The first issue I think you may want to address is the financial part. It seems very clear that he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you..otherwise I don't think there would be a ring :)

When it comes to finances, I definitely can understand the struggles. Just give him an overall picture...you don't necessarily have to give him every detail and explanation. You were married before and had a different life and with different finances...if he loves you he will understand. If a house is a big deal to him then maybe he can just put it in his name. Once your credit is fixed you can explore options to add your name to the mortgage or something. (sorry not sure of the process)

Now about the family backrounds... My family isn't close and my mother is mentally ill and I grew up in foster homes. BUT that makes me appreciate my boyfriends family more because they are something I never had growing up. Personally, I think I get a lot of brownie points compared to other girlfriends in the family because I actually enjoy spending time with the inlaws LOL. Maybe it is something you would want to talk to your boyfriend about to see if your family backround even bothers him.

About the birth of the baby...your mind might change as time goes on. But he is there to be there for YOU and to get to see his baby born. It's a time for comfort and celebration!

I hope this helps you :)

[newuser82]

i know its embarassing but t sounds like you have a great guy there who obviously loves you and your daughter.I doubt any of this will change how he feels about you.You should try talk to him and explain how your feeling and how you would like to wait until you fix your credit rating.6 months is not too long to wait.
By avoiding talking about this is going to lead to arguments and eventually push him away.You need to be open in your relationship.It probably doesnt feel like it now but talking about it with him will take a whole load of your shoulders.You dont need to be stressing like this when your pregnant.As for your ex husband what a jerk!!!!!!!!You be honest with your guy because he sounds like a real catch.Dont risk your relationship because you feel he can do better than you.Its you he wants thats why he wants to move on to the next step in a relationship with you.

Good luck and have a happy healthy 9 months xx

[annaleesmom]

I feel to embarassed.  As I mentioned I an a single mom of a 4 yr old.  My car recently broke down ( not worth fixing).  I have been driving my boyfriends car.  I life with him (my daughter too, as she has no contact or support from her father) My boyfriend even put me on his cell phone plan.  How much more of a loser can I actually be???  Now I'm pregnant and feeling like I'm bringing him down.

I love my boyfriend SOOO much.  I guess I'm just waiting for the day when he's had enough.  

[happy_mommy]

being emotional is so common.

and i understand bad credit is embarrassing and you don't want to go around announcing things like that to people.  But it seems to me he wants to move forward with you.  If your heart isn't in it than your heart isn't it in.  If it is because you are embarrassed about certain things in your life if he loves you he will not judge you for those things he will support you.  As long as your trying to fix what had previously happened what can he really say? I was 18 and stupid and ran up credit card bills, my boyfriend encouraged me to correct those and i have been and he is 100% supportive even if it is holding his future plans back.

If you feel he is someone you would like to stay with I would just come clean and say this is why i can't i am fixing it be honest and open with him.