Kind of Off subject Gripe about my moms reaction

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Ok, so I sent my mom this cute little calendar with pics of my kids for each month...under august I put an ultrasound pic and a little note that said"

Coming soon to a family close to you:
The Adventures of Baby Nicholson # 5
If you loved Alex, Joey, Abby and Zach
You're sure to love this one just as much
Congratulations (Again) Grama.

So what does she do... calls me and gives me a very dry congratulations then says "you know I have to ask...  if you know how easily you get pregnant why didn't you guys do something to prevent it?"

OK, first of all she's ASSUMING we didn't do anything to protect, she's also ASSUMING that this wasn't wanted.  Yes this WAS an "oops" but not wanted ANY less.  It's not like I went and screwed some stranger.  Granted my H and I are technically divorced due to some issues we had, we are working through things are are doing better now than we ever have.  I've already had 2 children with this man and he's claimed my oldest as his own.  WTF!?!?!? why does she have to be so d@mn cynicall all the time.  It really pissed me off and I just said "ya know I knew you'd do this, I don't want to discuss this with you" and I gave the phone to my oldest.  

I think she's just pissed becuase i'm not married anymore...so what...if we get along better without that piece of paper that's our decision.


Sorry, that's really been bugging me since last night, I just had to get it off my chest.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I sent you one back :)

[MomNpain]

I sent you a private message.

[MomNpain]

I'd go shopping with you if I could, lol. I miss the south and if your mom is anything like mine (which she sounds like she is) then she will soon realize that she did sound rude and she'll call you to apologize.

[kirsty702]

of course she will she is your mum and loves you very much !! just be happy if its what you want then thats all that matters

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I know...my mom is absolutely in love with my other kids and I know she will be with this one....she just needs to let it roll around in her head awhile.  

She now feels guilty about a lot of things she did and didn't do when my bro was little and she's trying to conform me to be what she wasnt and it really pisses her off/upsets her when I wont' conform or do things the way she thinks they should be.  But she always gets over it.  

[kirsty702]

and so you should be happy about buying baby clothes ! Thsi site has opened my eyes to just see how hard it is just to get pregnant and also have a normal pregancy and a healthy baby so you should feel happy VERY HAPPY !  planned or not your little mini me is growing inside you SHOUT FROM THE ROOF TOPS if you want.  And also you will see how things will change once your little angel is born !!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Thanks guys, I can always count on you to make me feel better.  Right now I'm just waiting it out....when my mom is ready to realize how rude she sounded, she'll call me.  Until then I'm excited and can't wait to start baby shopping soon :)  Mom is in another state so she can only bring me down so much!!!

[kirsty702]

All my family and mt parnters family was the same way i am 21 and was not trying it was a huge shock but a nice shock all the same everyone was not very happy for us and said we are young and foolish.  I wouldnt mind but we both have good jobs own our own house and we are getting married.  The thing is i think i may be miscarrying at the moment and know they all come forward with there support WELL TO LATE !! i say.  I know what you mean so if you and your partner are happy then good for you !!

[Annie2008]

My mom can be the same way though.  She was thrilled when I told her I was pregnant with my first child and then cried her eyes out when we stopped at her house after the ER after learning we were gonna lose the baby.  Her tears and crying lasted about 2 days and then the night that I was going through the contractions and passing the baby my brother was talking to her on the phone and she asked about me and he said that she is doing pretty badly - she's in pain and passing the baby.  You wanna know my mom's response?  She said "Well, that's good, at least her body is doing what it's supposed to be doing."  Very matter-of-factly, very dry.  Not even an offer of coming over and holding my hand when I was going through the wrost experience in my life.  She also kept telling me - everytime after the m/c - that she has to be something, she couldn't be the grandma but at least she could be the mother of the bride.  Then when me and the fiance decided to postpone the wedding SHE kept telling how cheated she felt, no baby and no wedding - WAIT, WHO WAS PREGNANT AND WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED?

Ya, that is what I dealt with - so I understand your frustration.  Why do they have to say anything at all.

[amyvr]

I have one son which I conceived after 3 years of trying and pretty much giving up on ever having one. My mom heard all my woes of going through fertility treatment. My son is now 2 and we just told her on Christmas that we are expecting another (unbelievably 1st try) Her reaction was "Congratulations, if that's what you want". My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years, we are happy, own our house, have money in the bank and my husband has a very stable job with excellent benefits. All of which tells me that she had no business saying that to me.

I have always had a decent relationship with my mom, until the past couple of years when I started addressing some of her comments like that. I have come to the conclusion that the strugle is not worth it. She is who she is and I am who I am. She's not getting any younger and there is no sense in fighting with her. I'm sorry you're mom is not happy at the moment of your impending addition, but don't let her spoil your happiness. You know what works for your family. If your current position is not one of her liking, it's your position, not hers. Enjoy your good news. She is the one missing out.

Good luck to you!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Please do....maybe SOMEONE will actually get a good response out of it :) LOL I expected that from my mom but it didn't hurt any less.  I'm sure she and I both will get over it but for now I'm not talking to her becuase I KNOW it'll end up in a fight.  

[kcs08]

OH NO!  I'm sorry.  I remember you saying that you were going to make the calendar and I thought that was so cute!  I'm going to steal your catchy phrase too!!!