Ladies, what's your opinion on this??? My stepsis wants birth control ... my mom is P*SSED so give me your opinion after reading the story?

[martikadragoon]

My mom is REALLY, REALLY mad at me. see.... about a year ago before my stepdad died, I had a discussion with her. See, I know I told you before but my stepdad didn't find out about his daughter til she was 12 yrs old, and he found out when her mom told him and he took a paternity test and passed it as a match. she had gone into the system because her brother basically raped her for 10 years! her mom never believed her and still doesn't. the mom is  a druggie and her mom and sisters have all gottten preggo at young ages. she hasn't yet thank god.

she has yet to undergo  counselling because she claims she doesn't need it and all... she's a teen so what do you expect. (fifteen years old now) However, I had the discussion with my mom AND Tim that I believe that she would do one of 2 things. either begin HATING men, or become promiscuous, or have sex at an early age.  And I told my mom that when she was 15-16 that if they wouldn't get her on birth control ESP if she asked them that I would do it.

my mom got mad of course, but when I was 16 and asked to get on birth control she wouldnt because she felt it was ticket to have sex... etc. etc. and if I was stupid enough to get pregnant from it oh well... I finally got on it because I had to due to a med I was on when I was 17 and believe me, it helped me. (killed my sex drive tho)

at that time my mom said I had a valid point and she'd consider it as well as he would.  then tim passed away 6mo ago.

Today Kimberly my stepsis came and asked my mom to get her on birth control, my mom said NO. Well... I sat right there and told my mom that I was going to keep my promise and get her on BC because i'd rather have her SAFE and having birth control and having sex if she was going to than have sex and get preggo. mom tried grounding me as a teen and I STILL found ways to sleep with dh (then BF)I always told my brothers and her that I'd help them when it came to birth control and condoms because I'd rather them be safe than sorry.

my mom got REALLY mad, she thinks I'm trying to be the parent, etc. etc. Well, at least I came to her before all this and discussed it with her. Then I informed my stepsis in FRONT of my mom of the Planned Parenthood clinics and how LEGALLY they don't have to tell parents about they're children getting on birth contol. I COMPLETLEY agree with that, however I think parents should be informed if a minor is having an abortion. my personal beliefs KWIM?  and personally I fully intend on getting my children on BC as teens. even to my mom thinks my beliefs will change.


My mom said "how could you make that commetn infront of her... etc. etc." and I AGAIN told her, I'd rather her be safe than sorry. My stepsis wants to get on it for her period, but tonight I brought her into my room, and pulled up birth control info  on ALL forms and told her she needs to either get the Pill, Ring, or shot. the ring and shot are better ones I like for protectiveness. I also warned her about STD's and failure rates and went over ALL of the stats on the sites with her. I even told her about antibiotics causing less effectiveness.

IDK, my mom is furious with me, but I wish she'd have gotten me on birth control because I STILL had sex even tho I married the guy (now my husband and proudly the only guy I've ever been with... again, I'm 21 married 3 yrs and JUST had my first baby!!)

So.. what's your opionion? am I right?

I did tell my stepsis to give my mom time to think on it and my brother jon time to talk to her (he can somtimes get her to think about things smartly because he has better ways of putting it to her than me)  and if she STILL says no we will go to the planned parenthood in our area and get her on some form of birth control.

[martikadragoon]

another update: well, mom wanted to talk today and she actually said if I ever told my stepsister again that my mom could have NO say in what she does with her body, esp. infront of her she'd lay me out.. real mature hu?

That just topped off a  horrible day I've had with my son. he's not eating, ripped his NG tube out and tore his skin, and cried off and on ALL day along with having a cold and me being both sick and on 2 hrs of sleep. no chance because everytime DH cares for him he can't get him to eat and calm down, or needs my help on something else. I can't blame him, he has NO experience with infants and has done wonderfully... my mom was holding tj downstairs and kept asking for things like bib... blanket... stuff, so I finally asked if I could take him to my room and let him sleep in his swing for a while. she got offended of course. and can't understand it's just one of those nights where I want to cry all night...... UGH srry to vent.

[babyprayers]

oops sorry, looks like you did cover everything!! your mom should be grateful she has such a caring daughter that looks out for her baby sister!!

[Zet1]

Your mom will get over it eventually - give her time - it is 2008 and not 50 years ago were everything was a no no.  I will have to make peace with the fact that my daughter will also ask and i will rather be save than sorry.  Know all the facts and be well informed rather than having no support and doing it in any case without your mom knowing - that might end in a disaster.

Good on you for being her support

[mj_mommy_manda]

I agree with everyone above.. I think its a great idea to help her get birth control. My sister and I have actually been going through kind of the same thing.. (she is 16, stopped taking her birth control because she cant afford it anymore and I offered to go to Planned Parenthood with her so that she can get free birth control.. The only difference is that my mom knows about this and agrees 100%)
It's definantly a "better safe than sorry" situation and I also agree that the ring or the shot would probably be most effective and condoms to prevent STDs too.. I got pregnant on the birth control pill and patch. and 3 of my friends also got pregnant on the pill...  So for some reason I really don't think the pill is as effective as everyone thinks it is..

[martikadragoon]

Thank you ladies, I did stress condoms and how they need to be used EVERYTIME because of std's. she wants kids somday so I told her about how some STDS can make her sterile. etc. etc. I went over ALL the different types of bc. Pills, shots, Permanent forms, and non hormonal methods.  seriously ALL of it. and even pull out and outercourse and stuff. Like pull out is supposed to have a %20 fail rate. believe me. and I told her if she forgets anything that she can ask and I'll get her the info.  I stressed about how if she forgot to take her pill one day she needs to use extra protection because it can still make her get pregnant several days later if she has sex around that time. I also informed her about Emergency contraceptives, and the risks of TSS and such with those and also the effectiveness: IE: if she takes them at the later part of the 72 hrs, she has a greater chance of pregnancy... etc.  

so I covered it all esp. the condoms and stds and such.   My mom is just really mad she cant control my stepsis's life and she's saying that I"M trying to be mom to her and I'm not. the state has told her she can go get it without a parents consent, however the nearest planned parenthood clinic is 1/2 hr away so I'll have to drive her because she has no friends who drive. mom is all mad, but I think that she needs to realize I'm trying and my stepsis is trying to keep from having any mistakes (however happy they could be! believe me I think kids are a blessing!)  

So today she has told me she won't talk to me unless its an emergency or to take care of TJ. Yadayada. I wish she'd hop on and read this.

[Zet1]

I have to agree with condoms.  I'm originally form South Africa and HIV is an epidemic there at the moment - not to mention all the other scary once that was mentioned that can cause permanent damage to your fallopian tubes ext and might never fall pregnant in the future because of one night of unprotected sex.  I am really surprised at how relaxed everyone is about sex and only worry about pregnancy - that's the least of your worries.  STD and HIV is very real and people don't wear these it on there sleeve.  

You are doing the right thing by educating her on these things.  

[Nadia77]

i agree with Mumita...

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I agree that if she is going to have sex she will do it regardless and it's better to protect her than to let her go without.  She not only needs birth control but condoms to keep as well.  She also needs to fully educated on intercourse, her cycle, how effective the diff. types of birth control are and the diseases that are out there and what they can do.  JMO!

[Mumita]

I think you are doing the right thing.  I think your mom will have to get over it. but as pointed out before, I think you need to also stress onto your sister that she NEEDS to use condoms regardless whether she's on BC or not because of the STD's.  Not only HIV is scary but there's Herpes, Gonorhea, Syphillys, Genital Warts, HPV, Clamydia, Hepatitis C....the list goes on.
I'd probably rather get pregnant than an STD honestly.

[honey1982]

baby prayers she did talkm to her about safe sex and the state sand antribotics and there failure rate she said it tin the second to last paragraph. i tiotally agree with you but she could go to pp herself and get the the birth controla as you stated and i like the  fact that you gave her the stss on stds and the antibotic effectiness. great job girl we need more people like you. if my cousins came to me and said i want you to take me to pp to get soem info and bc i would take them and do the exact same then as you.

[babyprayers]

the only problem with your thinking... birth control. does not make her SAFE.. there are so many STD's and I would talk to her about safe sex such as condomns etc... I see in your post that you went over all that wiht her and thats great but.. sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise, and while this world does not need another teen pregnancy, it doesnt need another teen with an std