big mistake please help

[brie513]

Hello ladies. I made a big mistake. I took two at home pregnancy tests and both came up positive. I didn't tell the dad. I am currently at work and the dad found the pregnancy tests in one of my bags at our house. He is really upset and refuses to talk to me. I don't know what to do. I had told him that I would tell him if I bought one and now that I didn't he thinks thar I am lying to him and he thinks that I might be lying to him about other things which isn't true. What should I do? I am at work and currently panicking. I can't stop crying. Please help.

[kfrasher]

What was he doing going thru your bags is  my first question?? Is this a normal thing?? Is he trustworthy?? I only ask bc a lot of times someone is quick to find their own fault in someone else, hun..

[lilpollywog]

You can always tell him that you took them before work with 'first urine' and planned on telling him after work face to face.  I would wanna know why he was prowling thru my stuff though first and foremost.  Good luck!

[brie513]

We live together and have for months. He is very trustworthy. He was looking for something and I told him that it might be in that bag without thinking that that's where I put the tests. I am just worried. What do I say to him how do I get him to tall to me.

[joolschic]

Its a big thing for a woman to find out she's pregnant....its a personal thing I know he does his bit but its our bodies that goes through everything I know it took me a day or two to get my head around it before telling him...just explain why you did do it and if he's still mad start crying and tell him its hormones...works everytime :-) he'll be fine he prob just mad he missed the first excitement of it all...good luck

[kfrasher]

Well, hun..honesty is always best..you didn't explain in your post why you didnt tell him right away?!? Maybe you needed some time to process the info yourself first?? Maybe out of shock, fear?? All good reasons hun!! Just tell him you weren't intentionally keeping him in the dark..that you know you made a mistake and your sick abt it..

[sachasmommy]

tell it that you needed time to digest the news and that your hormones must be out of balance . Lots of women don't run out and share the news right away...
good luck...i'm sure it will blow over.

[brie513]

I didn't tell him right away because I didn't know how to. I tried explaining that to him but he wont listen. He just keeps saying whatever and leave me alone.

[sachasmommy]

of course...sounds like he is just having a reaction as well.  Give him some time and let him come to you.  Men are such babies sometimes..lol

[kfrasher]

Just give him time, hun...sometimes the guy is a bigger baby than the one your carrying!!! =)

[brie513]

I am just freaking out so much. I can't stop crying. I don't know how to deal with him not talking to me.

[sachasmommy]

is this your first fight? over the last 12 years with my husband I realized that he's not leaving me for nothing.  you guys are going to have a baby!!! Be happy!!! stop crying, take a nice bath and relax. it's his issue, not yours.

[brie513]

I wish I could take a bath to relax but I am at work right now which is why this is so hard for me.

[joolschic]

Go buy a all in one newborn suit saying "I love my daddy" and tell him that's how u wanted to tell him...congrats by the way..hope all goes well

[sachasmommy]

:(.  so a nice cup of tea and some perspective. You guys will be fine by the end of the day. it's just the beginning of a long road of compromises...you can't let yourself get so upset everytime your man messes up. especially now that your are pregnant.
cheer up...promise this will blow over.

[brie513]

Should I text him. What should I say to him when I get home.

[sachasmommy]

i would just leave it and let him come to you when he's ready...but I don't know the guy.  

[louisekirby]

just say to him u did the tests before work and u was going to tell him when u got home coz u didnt want to tell him while at work. god men r such drama queens we r the ones who going to have to go thru all the changes. x

[brie513]

I told him I did it before work and was going to tell him tonight and he still won't talk to me and is very mad.

[louisekirby]

just let him cool off hel be fine after that im sure of it and hel say sorry to u. x

[lilbit_17]

Just tell him you wanted to make a dr appt to confirm before saying anything about it :)

[Heatherm4]

I'd leave him alone till you get home. Maybe he doesn't know how to react and this is just first instinct for him. I agree with all the others, men can be such babies. He's just thinking about himself...obviously not how you feel. Did you know how he would already feel if you ended up pregnant? Were you trying to have a baby?
I would be the angry one for his reaction- your the one pregnant for frig sakes!! There's nothing like a man that treats you like crap but when you're pregnant it seems 10 times worse to me!!

[montanagirl7676]

Take a breath...keep in mind that none of us know him, you, or the dynamics of your relationship. BUT...he is mad. It is very normal for men to withdraw to deal with heavy emotions. Let him. Give him space to process his feelings. The more you push right now, the more he will react. He knows that you need to talk & feel connected right now, but he doesn't have the support to offer you that you need right now. Men are wired to be the 'fixers' in life. They like concrete answers to situations. It is hard for them to process if they can't provide those answers. Also, by withdrawing it gives him a feeling of control over the situation. He may be unconsciously feeling like you took his control of this situation by testing without his knowledge, so in response is denying what you need from him - communication. Just let him go to his "man cave" until he is ready to come to you. The more you push right now, the further you push him away, which sets up a really unhealthy dynamic for your relationship. Giving him the room to process his feelings says that you respect his needs, which is very important to men. When he is ready, be calm & be honest as to why you didn't tell him right away. I am assuming you were processing your emotions as well and wanting to find the right way or time to share? Good luck!

[MamaBear0612]

I agree with Montanagirl...and all else fails, cry. :)  I was never a crier until I got pregnant but I'm learning its power. Don't be afraid to tell him he's acting like an idiot, sometimes they need that reality check, especially when they're processing emotions and they're not fully rational. When you finally get to that conversation, tell him your reasons, tell him you're sorry that he feels like that but he should know you better than that. Men. I swear. lol

[brie513]

I am currently at work and he is picking me up in about 3 hours and I am just so worried and concerned about how the car ride home will go.  I don't know what he will say and with my emotions being to crazy I don't know how to handle it.