military wife mommies - URGENT!

[MorgannaBanana]

Hi ladies... I was just curious if any of the military wife mommas on here have been or are divorced, or are going through a divorce.

I really need help. What was your outcome with custody and your husband/ex husband being active duty. Did you have to stay in the same state as him??

My husband (I'm going to be filing soon) is stationed in california for 3 more years, I am from illinois with all my family living in illinois. We also got married here.

I'm 27 days away from my due date but want to be fair and have him there for the birth...... please help me, give me your input and experiences, I can't take the stress! :(

[Ldkalleck]

My husband isn't in the military, but he is from Oregon, while i'm from Missouri. I think that people who say it's unfair to dad or even to baby may not really understand what it's like to be that far away from family. When my husband and I moved to Oregon, we were under the impression that his family would be more involved. They're not. Every time I visit home I notice that, not only am I more happy, but my daughter is as well. Your baby is going to know if you are unhappy and there's no need for everyone to be unhappy. Move home, and if it's important enough, he will move closer to you when he can. I'm lucky enough to have a husband who is so intent on making me happy that, even though he's not fond of Missouri, is willing to move back with me

[LanesMommy1012]

If I were in your position I would stay where he is and let him be a part of the babys life. My dad decided to join after him and my mom split. So since I was 5 until he got out when I was 16. My dad got me one weekend a month and every summer except 2 weeks. He was in Tennessee and we are in Ohio. I hated it. I wish he would have stayed close.

[khawkins]

I am not American, but Canadian and my ex husband is in the military.  We are divorced with 2 boys together.  I have opted to stay where we moved with one of his postings because I have found the love of my life and am truely happy where I am now.  

I am primary care of our children, which means they live with me full time, but their dad has reasonable visition, every other weekend while he is still here, and when he get posted then it is up to him to contact me and make arrangements to see the boys.  He has all the rights that a father should have, he just doesn't have them living with him.  

I would suggest talking to your husband, staying with him because of your children is a wrong thing to do.  It will only cause you and your children more pain that is not needed.  Just because you are leaving your husband does not mean that he cant be involved in your childs birth and lives, he is their father.  

You need to do what is right for you and your family, your ex included!  

[BabeDMR12]

Not exactly true. I deal with a lot of guys that have joint custody and are single parents in my unit. My husband and I are both active duty and so are the guys in my unit. If there is no history of abuse and you are filing for irreconcilable differences he can very well petition the court for joint custody because he has every right to his child. But each case is different. My advise would be the same as the other ladies. Have him there for the birth and hold off on signing anything because you can't battle custody on a child who is not even here yet and I don't know a judge who would grant custody of an unborn child unless there is a history of abuse. Wait to get everything in writing sweetie. That will keep things civil and negate kidnapping charges if he decides to go that route. As a paralegal I have seen it all with my six years in the military. Good luck

[JennBism]

If he is active duty they usually give Mom custody & no you don't have to stsy in same state, but it is very unfair to dad if you move that far away just because. (My husband has 2 children with his ex & she uses hims being active duty & being deployed against him, it is very unfair!)

[Cyn_henderson]

Honestly, I think you should wait. Let him be there for the babies birth. I'm not divorced, but I am a military wife and I am expecting. I think if you leave now he would be devistated. And that's a moment you'd want to share together for the sake of your baby. When the baby grows older you don't want to explain why daddy wasn't there. But best of luck to you, with which ever decision you make.