Bringing home your newborns!

[prayerful wife]

I have a question ladies...how many of you will have your mother or any of your in-laws come and stay for a while when you bring home your little ones?  I ask b/c my husband invited his mother out from Chicago (we're in Atlanta) to come and stay a COUPLE of weeks when I have the baby.  Dont get me wrong, it's not that I mind.  But what I am concerned with is I've only talked to my MIL over the phone.  I've never even laid eyes on this woman.  While we were dating and when we got married they werent on speaking terms and it wasnt until recently they just started trying to rebuild a relationship.  I'm all for him being close to his mom again; I just dont know if I want a "stranger" standing over my shoulder while I'm getting back in the "know" of having a newborn.  
Does that make me wrong?
I guess the way I see it is I'll be just trying to get to know little Chancellor and get on a schedule and then at the same time I'm suppose to get to know my MIL as well.
She's a Jehovah’s Witness which is fine with me, but I dont want her to try and push any of her beliefs off on me.  I'm a deep down country Mississippi southern Baptist and that's not gone change!  My husband did say she'll probably bring some literature and will want to share it with me.
So how do I ask him to ask her to maybe wait until Chancellor has turned at least a month before she comes to visit without him thinking I'm being rude or selfish???

[motherofan18month]

it wouldn't be rude to tell her to wait and let you adjust! of course my mom is my neighbor so i didn't have to have anyone stay with me. my DH family have always been to busy for us anyways, we speak all the time and his sis was my best friend even before i knew she had a brother so, it all worked out. my MIL didnt see my son till he was almost 2 months, and she came in a week after my b-day, so that really helped out. i got to loosen up and have fun that weekend while someone i trusted watched over my lil one. best of luck to you and hoping all the best with your lil one as well!

[luvmy2girls]

I think this thread is mostly done but I just want to say that those first few days are the most precious and important time for bonding.   I feel the same with my inlaws but they try to get their bonding in before me and I'm not ok with that.  You have every right to tell her what place you want her to hold if she absolutely is going to be there.  It's your child and your home.  Good luck!

[kjbutcher]

I cant believe the sentence I am about to write...The GOOD news is she will probably be awake during the day and you will probably be awake at night.  In addition, you will be anxious to show off your baby.  You may want help keeping the house clean and cooking.  Lastly, you will feel bad if she is meeting baby for the first time and missed much of the most exciting part.  I did not have anyone here with me and I know next time I certainly will.  You can do it the first time with out anyone, but it may be easier.  It may also be a better way for you to bond because most of the conversation will be about how beautiful baby is and you can kind of redirect unwanted advice by how cute baby is.  I wouldnt worry too much.  Try to make it positive.  

[joshuawatkin]

My mum and dad live just two streets away so i get a lot of help from them and i see them every day they are like my sons second parents and they spoil him rotten(too much sometimes). We dont live in each others shoes but its good to get shut of them some days i wouldnt like to think they were staying with me for a couple of weeks or more!!. We always phone each other to see if its ok to visit. I dont know what i would do without them.

[GreenEyedMama]

i like my inlaws just where they are!Far away lol.They will be moving here in a couple weeks though :( . Very annoying know it alls

[prayerful wife]

Suddenly she has a big conference at the hall that she's hosting and it is suppose to be the week of my due date.  She called yesterday and was say oh baby I apologize I wont be there when you get home from the hospital, but I couldnt turn them down when they asked me to help host.  I was so fake talking about oh I'm disappointed but I do understand commitments and all! (SMILE)
So she will come once he turns two weeks and then stay for a week!  I think that will be so much better for me.  My mom has learned (being that this is baby#3) to give me advice when I ask her and to come over and visit but not stay all day.
So God worked it right on out for me!  Thanks ladies.  I hate to sound so joyous, but I feel like a big stress has been lifted, and hubby is comfortable with her only staying a week.

[JoyRenee]

Maybe she could come and meet you BEFORE his birth, get to know you, if you even have time before he comes.

I personally would be beyond annoyed if someone, especially a stranger, was coming to watch over my shoulder. Just let her know, "I'd really like to get a handle on things for the first month and then would LOVE for you to come and visit!"

As far as the religious beliefs, all you have to say is, "I respect your beliefs and I have my own thank you." I've been met by quite a few Jehovah Witnesses that wanted to argue with me and put me down, but I'm pretty sure since she's family she'll respect that.

I personally never had anyone stay with us with either of my daughters' births and we made out just fine! It will be nice to have her around when you need an extra nap, if you're overwhelmed, etc.

I hope you two get along and have fun!

[Mommy3Girls]

I dont think its rude or selfish at all. I think he should simply ask her to wait until Chancellor is a month old because you want you and the baby to be on a good schedule before you have any company. I think it is completely fair and your MIL should respect that without a fight. If she argues about it, then she may be one of those MIL's that constantly tell you what to do and how to raise your child. Ugh!!! I was lucky that I didn't have to deal with that, and my mom was really cool when she was around. She helped when I needed it, other than that, she let me do my thing. She told me she knew that I was perfectly capable, but if I had any questions to ask. I was barely 19 when I had my first, so it was great that my mom was so supportive and not overbearing. I wish you the best of luck with everything, and let us know what your hubby says when you ask him to talk to her about waiting a month. I think its completely fair.

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I completely agree with everyone else on here.  I have a 9 1/2 month old baby.  I also always suffer from post partum depression, so I never want anyone around right after I have a baby.  That includes my family.  They all know it and they all know why.  I am not crazy about my MIL and she lives in another country.  She was suppose to come when I had the baby but never did.  But when I found out she was suppose to come, I specifically told my DH that she needed to wait until the baby was at least a month old before I wanted her to come.  And I told my husband this knowing he hasn't seen his mother in 5 years.  I didn't care though.  I am so very fragile at that time and he knows it.  And then to not like her much....That would make it even worse.  She is very needy when she is here and that is a time when I need my husband, so I told him he would just have to understand.  He did.  Your husband should too.  This time should be about you and your baby.  You are the one that gives birth after all; not your DH.  Best of luck!!  I have a feeling we have a lot in common!!  LOL!

[JustMe0925]

You're not wrong at all!!  My mother will be here for two weeks (one week before and one week after).  My hubby wanted his mom here and I was all like why your mom, I'm the one giving birth it should be my mom.  I only met his mom a few times and I am not completely comfy around her and I sure in hell would not want her here the first few weeks my lil one will be here that's for sure.  So yea, she won't be coming.  She is buying our plane tickets to fly from england to America 4 months after baby is born.  

Prayerful wife - I see where you are coming from 100%.  I know that I would not want to try and get to know my MIL when I am trying to get to know my newborn at the same time.  Hopefully you can talk with your husband and try to get him to understand where you are coming from and she can come some other time....Good luck!!!

[prayerful wife]

I honestly think he's funding half of her trip.  I saw him googling airline information.  I know she's on a fixed income but since I've been on bedrest and have used my FMLA funds; his is the only income he have right now.  Like I told him I have a job to go back to but I dont have any income until I go back to that job so we have to pinch every penny.  I hope he's not feeling like this is something he has to do so they stay in eachothers good graces.  I dont know what it's like for him to not have a relationship with her, but I do know according to his own sister that their mom is a hard nose b*tch when she wants to be and can be vindictive and nasty and thats why that stopped talking about 5yrs ago.  I encourgaed him, down right put pressure on him to rekindle things with her, but that's before I really knew all the details.  
He's even said that he's going to have to find her a Hall to witness at while she's here b/c she's just so into her faith and I just pray to God she doesnt try to come at me with anything I dont want to hear.

[Mea426]

Sweetie you have all the right to voice your feelings to your DH. First of all you won't be in the mood for preaching and on the other hand you need to have space to get to know your little one. I think it's ok to let you DH know that you would feel better if she came after you were feeling up to having company.

When I had my daughter the only person I had around was my mom to help us out and that was all. You aren't in the wrong to request it only be you and your DH.

Just let him know that it would be too over whelming to have another person around whom you've never even seen before and that it would make you feel better to start a relationship with her after everything has been said and done. Tell me she didn't buy a ticket already!!!

[Shannon125]

I agree with the other posters completely. You have every right to feel that way and I think if you tell your husband exactly what you just explained to us he will have no choice but to understand what you mean. As you know, this is my first time being pregnant and I still wouldn't want anyone staying with me while my baby is just getting used to being home with me, etc. Besides I can't stand my MIL, in fact, I truly hate her, she is wretched old woman who believes only her way is the RIGHT way and I am wrong in everything I do. I know damn well I would not want someone like that staying with me during those first few weeks. You haven't even met this woman as you say and you have no clue how your relationship with her will be; it could be just as bad as mine and my MILs. You don't want or need that sort of tension around during those first few weeks. I would just flat out say that right away is not an option but it can be discussed when you get the baby on his schedule and get used to life with the new baby at home. Put your foot down on this one, he is your son and you have every right to want to get as much bonding done with him before you open your house to anyone else new. It is in the best interest of you, your sanity and your new baby boy.

[loismwallace]

I've never had anyone help me with my newborns and I like it that way! Like you I don't like someone standing over my shoulder and I sure don't like to be told how to care for them. My MIL did come and make dinner a couple time when I first got home because I had a spinal headache (equal to migraine) for a week after my baby was born. The dumb butt Anesthesiologist nicked my spine. That wasn't too bad.

You're not being selfish at all.......Just be honest and tell her you want the time to be with your lil one and could she come out later.

[Brown Eyed Gurl]

I don't blame you and wouldn't call is rude or selfish...I know I want the first few weeks to be me and DH and our babys getting used to each other not have someone else in the way.....no matter if they are there to help or not.

[Skylynns_mom]

I dont think thats rude or selfish.  I would hate to have someone stay with me for that long of a time.  Your supposed to rest as much as possible after you have the baby, you going to be exhausted.  How on earth are you supposed to entertain company for that long of a time.