Not a question...

[soLAreh]

But I gotta get this off my chest somehow, because it is one weird situation. Ok, about 5 years ago, I had an abortion. I was 22, with a completely irresponsible man-child (that's putting it nicely) and couldn't stomach bringing a child into this world in the situation I had been in- let alone having a child with him or being tied to him the rest of my life, plus I'd barely started my own career and was definitely not the most responsible human being myself. Anyhow, around new years we (the man-child and I) crossed paths unexpectedly, one thing led to another, ... , and now I think theres at least a slight chance I might be pregnant. Again. With his baby. It's far too early to be sure, but the first time it happened I knew it almost immediately after conception and remember the signs all to well. Here's the thing though- I'm older and wiser and having a child doesn't scare the living crap out of me anymore and he's done a lot of growing up as well. I always knew he'd be a great dad, but he wasn't ready then either. Now he's ready to settle down, wants (or thinks he wants) that to be with me- I'm definitely not sold on that but don't think I could justify, to myself, making the decision to terminate another pregnancy anymore considering how my life has changed (job, older, etc.). However I'm in a terrible financial situation, in a weird living situation (a different exboyfriend is one of my roommates and we broke up fairly recently but will be living together indefinitely) am currently on my second nonconsecutive medical leave from my position as a high school teacher, have fibromyalgia, was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and am just starting to see some improvement since beginning new treatment. So things haven't exactly been a cake walk to begin with, and now I'm thinking about being pregnant as a real possibility and I'm just really not sure how I feel about it, or how to go about dealing with it, given all of the craziness surrounding it. I really am a good, loving person and know I would do whatever it takes to create the best possible scenario I can if I'm going to bring a life that I'm responsible for into the world, but needless to say I'm a bit scared at this very moment. Phew! That was a lot. I know no one and no thing out there will be able to give me any kind of easy solution (not even sure there's a problem t be solved) but i guess I'd really appreciate any input, support, or helpful thoughts I can get. Thanks for reading my long-winded brain explosion and any insight would be fantastic!

[ProudMumToBe]

You are welcome hun, good luck

[Tryingforbaby2]

I think that you should try to relax and give yourself a little credit. I think like Proudmumtobe said, you are going to be able to care for this baby and do your best. Financial situations change all the time and I wouldn't put a lot of wieght on that. I was still in school full time (though I wasn't young at 30) when I finally got pregnant with my son and it was very tough but we did it and things are great. Money comes and goes, when we struggle we find ways to get through it. You say you recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder, the fact that you went to get help is great. You probably see a psych right? Talk to them about your concerns and fears, they are good with this stuff. You are a good responsible person it seems and you should realize that. You will do what is best for you at the present time. Sometimes babies come at odd times and help us to grow to be really great people, Ive seen it happen to friends.

[soLAreh]

Agreed, I think that's one of the many reasons I wouldnt abort this time, if I am. And if I am I will consider adoption. Thank you!

[ProudMumToBe]

I think even the fact that You are considering being able to care for this child (If You are pregnant) means that You do care and that You would do Your best.

While Your financial situation is hard there are many people who have been in the same position and raised a child with the struggle, love conquers all.

There are many people who would die for a child who are un able to conceive, it could even be a possibly of you adopting out the child rather than having an abortion.