let down an disappointed

[mum2_3gorgousgirls]

Hi I'm just looking for some advice or opinions, I recently found out my husband has been 'liking' pictures of scanntily clad women on Facebook, when I saw it it felt like a kick in the gut, we already have 3 girls and I'm currently 26+2 with a boy, I have been under a lot of pressure recently and don't feel too good about myself as I have bad hormonal acne and feel fat an ugly which he knows, he works nights but gets home between 3-4am but instead of coming to bed he sleeps on the sofa but I suspect he is also looking at pics of other women on the internet/tv I know men do this sort of thing but I can't help feeling hurt an let down by him, I feel at a time when I need him to support me (my dad has bladder cancer, my eldest has learning difficulties which I'm having to fight to get her the help she needs) he has let me down. We haven't spoke for abt 2 wks he says I'm over reacting, its also the fact that it was done publicly on fb that gets me I feel like he's cussed me, he hasn't made any effort to talk or try to sort things out an I don't think that I should have to make the effort when he is in the wrong, I don't know how to forgive him when he isn't making any effort to right things. Please give me some advice. We have been together 14 yrs married for 3.

[kerriekab]

I agree and disagree with what you are saying. I agree that he shouldn't be liking pics on facebook as this is too personal and in a public forum. However i dont know why women get so mad that their men are looking at porn! I think its just insecurity. Just because they are looking at porn doesnt mean they arent happy with what they have at home! I wouldnt dream of stopping my bf from doing it, it really doesnt bother me. At the end of the day he isnt cheating and it just what guys do lol! Yes some guys might be totally happy not to look at it but most guys just get curious!

However, i agree that the sleeping on the couch thing is weird.  Im not sticking up for him but do you have problems sleeping now you are pregnant? maybe he doesnt want to disturb you when he comes in from work as he knows its hard for you to sleep? I think you should talk to him about this. I know you dont want to talk to him as you are so mad but it will never get better if you dont make the effort to talk it through.

Good luck, i hope everything turns out ok :) x

[Carried_away]

I agree, it's just something men are going to do. Even if he says he isn't or won't anymore, he will. The crappy thing is doing it for the whole world to see on facebook. That is disrespectful to you. My hubby "liked" some skanks half naked pic on FB one time (being preggers I too felt fat & ugly). I explained to him how I felt &  why publicly expressing interest in porn is totally diff. From doing it in private. He hasn't done it since. The sleeping on the couch instead of with you is weird too. I'd ask him why he does this. Once again my husband on occasion does the same thing, but I usually ask him to. He snores so bad & sleeping at 8months pregnant is hard enuff. He understands that & wants me sleep better. Is it possible he just doesn't want to wake you when he comes home.

[hotmama78]

I not sure about other's but i guess the reason my Hubby damn falling in love to me is bcos i never bother to stop him from doing what man nature is.. looking at nice girls.. gadget.. comic.. pron.. cars.. footballs.. chat with friends... massage... and bla.. bla..bla..

But i do remind him is okay with all those but hey dude.. i am here your wife respect me by letting me know or if the event i can come along do you mind tag me along...?? i not sure if this going to works on others but i apply this formula in my relationship be your hubby best friend and there is no secret you won't know... and YES... is works on me...!!!

Good luck!!!

Hugs...xxx
Rachel..

[FreshLove]

Just because some guys may look at inappropriate pictures or pornography, does NOT make it ok. There is no reason for us as wives to condone it and you are perfectly reasonable for being upset. As a husband, he is there to support you and vice-a-versa. By publicly "liking" these inappropriate pictures he has really wronged you and needs to apologize. However, it sounds like you may have to be the one to start the conversation. Maybe one night when he gets home and settled, come out to the living room (or wherever he is settling for bed) and ask him why he doesn't sleep with you anymore? You'd like to get some time with your husband, etc. and that it really hurts you to know that instead of focusing his attention on you, he's looking at naughty pictures. Let him know that you don't feel loved anymore and that this is a time in your life when you really need him. You're not overreacting, you're just letting him know the truth. If he freaks out or doesn't even want to talk...that's not a good sign. It basically means he doesn't care because if he loves you- even if he thought you were being dramatic- he would still apologize seeing you so upset. Or he'd at least be willing to sit down and have a reasonable conversation about why you're upset.

There have been times when my husband thought I was being overly sensitive or demanding, but eventually we would talk it out. Usually during this process there's a time when we get even madder at each other then we were before because we now have EVERYTHING out on the floor, but we keep talking until we understand where the other person came from and can recognize that we both had "reasons" for being upset and come to a compromise, apologize, and make up. If something is wrong in my relationship, I'm not the type of person to let it hang there, even if he was the wrong one. I make him sit down and talk with me, but in the end we are both glad we did. Best of luck hun.

[HeatherLynB]

I had a problem with my husband watching porn behind my back! i snooped thru his phone because i felt he was hiding something from me and low and behold...there was the porn. He deleted it, BUT i can still vew all the downloads he made. I felt horrible about myself, like i wasnt enough. I explained to him that i couldnt believe he felt the need to watch porn and he told me i overracted. I didnt talk to him for days. His co-workers asked him what was wrong and he told them about the porn i found...well he works with a bunch of women and they pretty much let him have it! Told him that what he did was wrong and that we see it as virtual cheating. I still never let him forget it...we have 2 kids together and another on the way so i just felt like the fattest whale in the ocean when he did that. ive forgiven him since but you dont forget those kinds of things. Your husband needs to realize that what hes doing is wrong. What if you did that to him? How would he feel? I always put my husband in my shoes when we have a problem. Im sorry you are going thru this and i pray things gets better!