Aa
fight w/ babyday :(
so me & my boyfriend just got in an arguement & its not the first time weve gotten into it bc of this subject. long story short he feels like the baby should be 50/50, but i feel as the mother & because we're not married i should have a little more say than him.. maybe 70/30 lol. for example i told him he could take the baby to his family's house often, meaning for few hours or so. and he/she can stay the night every once in awhile. he seems to think he can take the baby whenever he wants to as.often as he wants to and spend the night at his familys house. is wrong I don't wanna be away from my baby? 1 night every once in awhile will be hard enough, he's talking a few times a week. mind you they only live a few miles up the street! they can see baby whenever but why without me so often? i think he's jealous my family has such a big say in my life & very involved.. but i'm the girl in this situation! lol isnt thats how its supposed to be?
I think the point that MikeB86 is trying to make is your BF is trying to make the baby a part of his life to. It will only cause issues if you stand in the middle of him having time with his child. He needs to be able to go to see his family just like you are going to do with your family.
I have a friend that refuses to let her BF take their daughter to see his parents because she doesn't get along with his mother and it is killing their relationship. They fight all the time and she calls me crying often! Over night is a lot to ask but you have to remember that you have to compromise with him.
I have a friend that refuses to let her BF take their daughter to see his parents because she doesn't get along with his mother and it is killing their relationship. They fight all the time and she calls me crying often! Over night is a lot to ask but you have to remember that you have to compromise with him.
the point is we're together. he's always over at my house, only goes to his fathers house to get clothes & only sleeps there when he has to work. he can be here with me & baby anytime. but he wants to be able to take the baby to stay at his fathers house a few times a week, thats what i dont agree with bc i dont want the baby sleeping away from me. they live just a few miles up the street, he can take her/him over as often as he wants.. but why does it have to be more than a few hrs or half a day? he feels like he should be able to do whatever he wants with the baby. but i'm only 12 weeks & i can already tell i'm gonna be very protective just like my mother is. thx for the answers ladies!
I DONT AGREE...IF HE WANTS TO BE 50% WHY NOT....A LOT OF SINGLE MOTHERS WOULD KILL FOR THEIR BABY DADDY TO DO 10% ....AND ALTHOUGH YOU DID GO THROUGH THE HELL.....IT IS ALSO 50% HIM....YES MOTHERS AND THEIR BABIES HAVE A CLOSE BOND BUT A FATHERS BOND CAN BE JUST AS MUCH POWERFUL...I'M NOT IMPLYING ONE WAY OR THE OTHER BECAUSE THAT IS YOUR DECISION....BUT AS A FATHER I CAN TELL YOU I PERSONALLY WOULD NOT SETTLE FOR LESS THAN 50% COURT BATTLE OR NOT... I JUST ASK U LOOK AT BOTH SIDES...AND BEING A GUY I KNOW I'M IN THE MINORITY ON HERE BUT....A FATHER IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS A MOTHER IN MANY WAYS
Ohh.. n if u guys can't come to an arrangement then u should get a lawyer (mediator), sit down together n come up with a legal custody arrangement n have it signed off by the judge. It may benefit u more to at least try to be flexible with him n come up with ur own custody. If u guys can't do that then family court will decide for u and u might kinda end up getting screwed over. Not trying to be negative, just stating it from my own experience.
Do court, make him take child safty classes. And child support. Then he might get her two days a week. Mom is best...
Before my husband n I got married we went through a horrible rough time and a break up which led us to go to court over our then 1 year old son. My husband smoked pot n sold drugs, I went to the police n told the courts that. They couldn't do anything without proof, n the cops had no probable cause to go arrest him just because I told them that. Family court ruled 50/50. I know you don't wana hear it but the father has just as much right to the baby as the mother. I learned it the hard way battling n spending so much money on a lawyer. I did have primary custody, but our share was 50/50. We fortunately decided to grow up n be together n we got married. But it is not fun being a mother knowing you have to go a few nights a week without seeing ur baby. Since u will have a newborn they might let u have custoday the first 6 months especially if ur breast feeding. A newborn needs to be with its mother. But eventually he has every right as u do to have the baby. I'm sorry, n I hope u guys can work things out on ur own.
He can take u to court n if baby is his n he's done nothing wrong chances r its 50 50 weather u like it or not. I kinda agree though moms do more....carry have n take care of the kids most of the time more than the dads do but courts r pretty big on fairness. Good luck
Maybe he just wants to be an involved dad and he is jealous of ur family. Why can't both of you go over and stay the night with the baby. I agree with you though for the first several months there is no way I would let my baby go anywhere without me. I never let anyone babysit my kids until they were 6 months and the sitters had to be family members! (I know I am a little overboard) good luck hope everything gets resolved.
I'm not trying to sound mean or condescending here, just sharing my experience...it sounds like this may end up in family court, which isn't bad at all. In most states, the mother has more say in decisions, but unless there is reason that one parent have less custody, physical placement will be even. My best friend just went through this with her bd and since the father doesn't live on his own, ie have a room for the child to sleep in, he only has 30 percent placementy. He gets her every other weekend and for one day (not overnight) on the weeks he doesn't have her. When he gets his own place, he will get her 50/50. My friend doesn't like this, but it is court appointed so she doesn't have a choice. However, she has full custody meaning she makes decisions about health care, schools, etc. I guess I'm just saying that you may want to try to consider something a bit more equal because if it goes to court, you may not get a whole say. This is different during the first couple months, especially if the mother is breastfeeding. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
I agree with mammabear guys...i am thankful to be in a good marriage...my hubby LOVES our daughter and she ADORES him...its amazing how he looks at her...thats his heart and soul...if we split (and it could happen to anyone) it would be devastating to have to let go some but its only right...now as far as who has control over decisions...momma always gets 51% ... but decision making and visitation are two totally different things...dont confuse the two...i hope your able to do whats best...babies need daddys :) good luck
I don't know, maybe I have a little different perspective on this, but I'm in pretty much the same situation and I've definitely been thinking about this. In my childhood my father took an even more active role than my mother, and I can't say that was a bad thing for us, as a matter of fact I'm very close to both of them as a result. My parents were married and my ex and I are raising the child as single people, but I really want my baby to have a great relationship with her father and his family. I was taught that family, including extended family, is everything.
To make sure that happens, I am going to have to let him take her when I'd rather have her sometimes, and share her in ways that might be inconvenient or difficult for me. To be honest, it'd be easier for me to just keep her to myself, but I don't think it would be the best thing for her...it's in her best interests that he be actively involved in her life, so I need to do everything that I can to encourage that. I also put myself in his shoes, what if he told me I could only see her/have her once a week? Would I be okay with that? He is her father, and that means something, as much perhaps as me being her mother. If you start off trying to control the relationship, it sets up a very bad start to what could otherwise be a good shared parenting relationship.
You know, we dog these guys when they don't do what they're supposed to do, so when they're trying to be actively involved and be good fathers, we should try not to stand in their way. Just a few thoughts, again, I've been thinking about and wrestling with this one. Pretty sure I'm going to cry the first time he takes her for even a few hours, and call every 15 minutes to make sure she's okay lol. And yes, I will breastfeed, but I'm going back to work when she's two months so I'll be pumping as well; I can send a few bottles along with her and trust that he'll be the good dad I think he will be.
To make sure that happens, I am going to have to let him take her when I'd rather have her sometimes, and share her in ways that might be inconvenient or difficult for me. To be honest, it'd be easier for me to just keep her to myself, but I don't think it would be the best thing for her...it's in her best interests that he be actively involved in her life, so I need to do everything that I can to encourage that. I also put myself in his shoes, what if he told me I could only see her/have her once a week? Would I be okay with that? He is her father, and that means something, as much perhaps as me being her mother. If you start off trying to control the relationship, it sets up a very bad start to what could otherwise be a good shared parenting relationship.
You know, we dog these guys when they don't do what they're supposed to do, so when they're trying to be actively involved and be good fathers, we should try not to stand in their way. Just a few thoughts, again, I've been thinking about and wrestling with this one. Pretty sure I'm going to cry the first time he takes her for even a few hours, and call every 15 minutes to make sure she's okay lol. And yes, I will breastfeed, but I'm going back to work when she's two months so I'll be pumping as well; I can send a few bottles along with her and trust that he'll be the good dad I think he will be.
My friend just went through custody battles and unless they can find u unfit as a mother then you have custody of your baby and have more control over the situation. While the baby is a newborn you should be with the baby every nite especially if you plan to breastfeed because he sure isn't going to produce milk! I hope everything works out for you! :)
You are right! Especially the first 4 months, the baby should be with you ever night. It's not 50/50 at all. There is no way I would let my newborn out of my sight or know where he was 24/7. Not until the baby is WAY older for an overnight stay. If your going to breastfeed, that would be even longer. The baby needs you the entire time while you breastfeed. And don't let him bully you into pumping for him in order to take the baby either. It could run out. Tell him to be an adult and realize that you are what is best for the baby. If you were married it would be that way! You being with the baby is the way it should be.
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