Aa
Nothing to Do with pregnancy
So I just got some of the worst news that a pregnant married mom can get that doesn't have anything to do with being pregnant. I'm currently in the military and so is my husband, we were suppose to go to California in March and my orders just got changed. My husband is going to California for 3 years and I am going to North Carolina for 3 years, i've been crying since I found out. i don't want to be a single mom for three years and you know how the government compensates for us being apart? A whole whopping $250 a month that only one of us gets. I'm sorry I just need to vent, I'm at work right now and I can't cry at work and I want to so bad. 3 years iss so long for my baby and i to go without a father or husband and who wants to be a single mom. We've already sent up appeals and they've been denied. what it boils down to is when we joined the military we knew we could be seperated but for deployment not 3 years and now i only have 2 months left before we leave to go to opposite sides of the country. I'm sorry I know this is a pregnancy forum but I'm soo upset and have no one to talk to, I don't know what I'm gonna do!!
No I accidentally posted it twice when I was writing it so the other post is stillout there and I am pregnant i am 16 weeks
Not trying to sound like a B**** or anything.... but.... what happened to that first post with the advice I gave you? Also in your first post you said you weren't pregnant...
Be it as it MAY I will tell you again: Get your spousal handbook. It is for both spouses AND AD. It will tell you YOUR rights as well as your husband's regarding being AD and having a family and having stations clear across the country, because as you stated in your last post but not in this one, it was because the detailer didn't like your GySgt which again is not a legit reason for him to be changing your orders on a last minute notice. If it IS a personal Vendetta, then you need to write your detailer and CC it to your CO. I also asked two of my friends, one's a Corporal and the other a LCpl in the Marines. I have yet to hear back from Ingram (LCpl). I also emailed another highschool buddy is who a reserve and her husband is AD regarding the process to go from AD to Reserve as I thought would be the best solution for you.
Also, I was right regarding the pregnancy (and distinctly recall saying in the hypothetical that you were to get pregnant, that the situation would be ....etc.), that this scenerio alone would be risking alot on the detailer's behalf by changing your orders because if you have any complications light or severe, then they will have to transfer one of the two of you based on Rank to be closer or since you're the one that's pregnant, they will transfer him more than likely because they will not have you PCS after so many weeks into your pregnancy. I know the Marines are different, but you also need to understand there are a set of BASIC rules for ALL branches. Your detailer having a hair up his butt doesn't constitute sudden change in orders. Also, you mentioned before he's going to Camp Pen, which is Pendleton in San Diego, which is kinda cool cuz one of my best friends since highscool (the corporal) is stationed out there.
Anyway, not trying to be mean and call you out... but I thought it was just a wee bit strange that all of a sudden your story has altered a bit for whatever reasons. I'm just telling you that you need to get all your facts from your Commanding Officer regarding all this, and take it up with him/her AND have them contact your detailer. Because the reason that they on a whim changed your orders is a bogus one. The only reason I could think of a sudden change is if there's a certain training one of you opted for last minute or if one of you had got into some kind of trouble losing rank and there were no billets open for that rank where the initial orders are set for and with a last minute change, options were extremely limited. Which is the possibility that even my friend had confirmed on. So again, yes, they're different, but for the most part, same rules apply. Hope you get it all figured out, and again, I know how it feels for even just a year with my husband being gone. My daughter didn't know who he was when he came home for mid-tour and that was possibly the worst feeling imaginable. I also know couples who have had to do a whole tour without living with their spouses for different reasons. However, I do know the Military does everything in their will-power to keep the familes together or at least as close as possible. So again, you really need to start going up the chain of command untill something is sorted out.
Good Luck, and again, not trying to sound like a b****. Just kind of caught offguard when I came back on here to check up and see what you had wrote only to find THAT post deleted and this new one up and slightly altered...
Maybe it's just my moodswings.... ;)
Be it as it MAY I will tell you again: Get your spousal handbook. It is for both spouses AND AD. It will tell you YOUR rights as well as your husband's regarding being AD and having a family and having stations clear across the country, because as you stated in your last post but not in this one, it was because the detailer didn't like your GySgt which again is not a legit reason for him to be changing your orders on a last minute notice. If it IS a personal Vendetta, then you need to write your detailer and CC it to your CO. I also asked two of my friends, one's a Corporal and the other a LCpl in the Marines. I have yet to hear back from Ingram (LCpl). I also emailed another highschool buddy is who a reserve and her husband is AD regarding the process to go from AD to Reserve as I thought would be the best solution for you.
Also, I was right regarding the pregnancy (and distinctly recall saying in the hypothetical that you were to get pregnant, that the situation would be ....etc.), that this scenerio alone would be risking alot on the detailer's behalf by changing your orders because if you have any complications light or severe, then they will have to transfer one of the two of you based on Rank to be closer or since you're the one that's pregnant, they will transfer him more than likely because they will not have you PCS after so many weeks into your pregnancy. I know the Marines are different, but you also need to understand there are a set of BASIC rules for ALL branches. Your detailer having a hair up his butt doesn't constitute sudden change in orders. Also, you mentioned before he's going to Camp Pen, which is Pendleton in San Diego, which is kinda cool cuz one of my best friends since highscool (the corporal) is stationed out there.
Anyway, not trying to be mean and call you out... but I thought it was just a wee bit strange that all of a sudden your story has altered a bit for whatever reasons. I'm just telling you that you need to get all your facts from your Commanding Officer regarding all this, and take it up with him/her AND have them contact your detailer. Because the reason that they on a whim changed your orders is a bogus one. The only reason I could think of a sudden change is if there's a certain training one of you opted for last minute or if one of you had got into some kind of trouble losing rank and there were no billets open for that rank where the initial orders are set for and with a last minute change, options were extremely limited. Which is the possibility that even my friend had confirmed on. So again, yes, they're different, but for the most part, same rules apply. Hope you get it all figured out, and again, I know how it feels for even just a year with my husband being gone. My daughter didn't know who he was when he came home for mid-tour and that was possibly the worst feeling imaginable. I also know couples who have had to do a whole tour without living with their spouses for different reasons. However, I do know the Military does everything in their will-power to keep the familes together or at least as close as possible. So again, you really need to start going up the chain of command untill something is sorted out.
Good Luck, and again, not trying to sound like a b****. Just kind of caught offguard when I came back on here to check up and see what you had wrote only to find THAT post deleted and this new one up and slightly altered...
Maybe it's just my moodswings.... ;)
god, i can only imagine. thats so cruel of them, dont thay have a heart, i could see if yall had no children or wasnt preg. that makes me just wanna go kick some butt!!!!!
Well we are still trying, not giving up hope and don't plan on it but in these kind of situations, after birth husband is allowed to take only 10 "free"days as they call it and then we both only get 30 days of leave a year and its just gonna be so hard being on opposite sides of the country, it will get expensive..but whatever we have to do, I just can't quit crying!
lord girl, im so sorry, thats bullcrap that they cant put yall at least in the same state. i would keep on them. wouldnt take no for an answer.
dh works out of town a lot but he's always home on the weekends... i can't imagine what it would be like to be apart any longer than 4-5 days at a time. i also don't know how the military works... would you and dh be able to be together for the birth and maybe a while post partum??? what do they do in situations like that? i'm sorry to hear that you will be going through this... i pray that you and dh can stay strong and have faith and you'll make it through!!!
AWw...I am sorry to hear about this. How horrible. Sometimes I wonder what ppl think when they make decisions like that. Tearing families apart. Have they no clue? Just take it one day at a time. Good luck! We are hear if you need a "shoulder" to lean on!
Thank you so much for replying, it feels good to talk to someone since I can't leave work
I would just try to keep fighting it and pray all you can. As stinky as it is all things happen for a reason and what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger but I know that does not make you feel anybetter. I really dont know how the military works but I will keep you and your situation in my prayers and I really hope it works out differently for you. Good luck hun!
Well we could have pulle dout but we were both suppose to go to the same place so we both reenlisted for another four years so now we are stuck, I guess its one of those things that was meant to happen for a reason and we will just have to deal with it
sweetie I am soo very sorry to hear this. I can't even imagine what you are going through. Can one of you pull out or are yall locked in for a while longer? Either way I know God will do His will and all will work out in the end. Please let us know if anything changes.
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