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STI question for threesome - penis to mouth to mouth?
Gay man here. I’m dealing with a temporary health condition that makes antibiotics potentially dangerous. So I’m extra careful about STIs for now; I use condoms for oral and anal.
I’ve been invited to a threesome and want to say yes. I’m just wondering if guy A performs oral (or analingus) on guy B and I kiss A, it’s really low risk for me right? Like it seems conceivable guy B could pass something into guy A’s mouth, but not enough to infect me by kissing A? I would think the risk is at least way smaller than if I performed oral on B myself, right?
I’m really trying to find ways to have an exciting sex life while still taking care of my health. Any informed and kind replies are really appreciated.
I’ve been invited to a threesome and want to say yes. I’m just wondering if guy A performs oral (or analingus) on guy B and I kiss A, it’s really low risk for me right? Like it seems conceivable guy B could pass something into guy A’s mouth, but not enough to infect me by kissing A? I would think the risk is at least way smaller than if I performed oral on B myself, right?
I’m really trying to find ways to have an exciting sex life while still taking care of my health. Any informed and kind replies are really appreciated.
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Is the condition you have one that makes you immunocompromised? If it is, I would be really careful with this.
The chances of you getting anything from kissing are zero, with the exception of hsv1, if you don't already have it. Hsv1 is the herpes virus that causes cold sores, and if you don't already have it, and are immunocompromised, it could be dangerous for you.
If the condition you have doesn't make you immunocompromised, or you already have it, then kissing is fine.
Obviously, the risk for colds, flus and covid are there, but that's true with non-threesomes.
The chances of you getting anything from kissing are zero, with the exception of hsv1, if you don't already have it. Hsv1 is the herpes virus that causes cold sores, and if you don't already have it, and are immunocompromised, it could be dangerous for you.
If the condition you have doesn't make you immunocompromised, or you already have it, then kissing is fine.
Obviously, the risk for colds, flus and covid are there, but that's true with non-threesomes.
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Thanks so much! No it’s neurological. I know in general kissing is nearly zero risk. But I don’t understand mechanics of transmission. If A gives oral to B who has a bacterial infection, and it’s there in A’s mouth, I don’t get it too? I don’t understand scientifically why that is. But I’m thrilled to hear it!
Theoretically, it's a risk, but with things like oral gonorrhea and chlamydia, the infection is in the throat, not the mouth.
But this does bring up a good point I should have thought of before, and it's going to be a bit graphic, so forgive me.
So if A gives oral to B, and B ejaculates in A's mouth, if there is still semen in A's mouth when you kiss him, there could theoretically be a risk for you.
It's not something that's a big risk if A swallows, but since you can't take antibiotics, it's something you should know, even if it's theoretical.
Most of the time with oral sex on a penis, just because of the mechanics of that, the infection is in the throat - the penis goes in the throat, the ejaculate is in the throat, so that's where the infection is. Kissing wouldn't transmit that.
Syphilis can be in the mouth - that infects at the point of infection, but since the infection wouldn't have time to take hold in the person you kiss, you wouldn't be at risk yet.
Are A and B partners? Do they know of your condition? Would they be willing to wear condoms for this encounter to protect you just in case?
Hope this helps. :)
But this does bring up a good point I should have thought of before, and it's going to be a bit graphic, so forgive me.
So if A gives oral to B, and B ejaculates in A's mouth, if there is still semen in A's mouth when you kiss him, there could theoretically be a risk for you.
It's not something that's a big risk if A swallows, but since you can't take antibiotics, it's something you should know, even if it's theoretical.
Most of the time with oral sex on a penis, just because of the mechanics of that, the infection is in the throat - the penis goes in the throat, the ejaculate is in the throat, so that's where the infection is. Kissing wouldn't transmit that.
Syphilis can be in the mouth - that infects at the point of infection, but since the infection wouldn't have time to take hold in the person you kiss, you wouldn't be at risk yet.
Are A and B partners? Do they know of your condition? Would they be willing to wear condoms for this encounter to protect you just in case?
Hope this helps. :)
A and B aren’t partners and prefer not to use condoms for this. This is so helpful thank you! Good to know about back of throat. And re syphilis that’s so interesting. I guess only so much bacteria goes into the recipients mouth and needs time to multiply to be transmissible? You’ve been so helpful. I trust you so this is just curiosity - are you a doctor? Have you studied this stuff? I really appreciate it, it’s putting me at ease.
I'm not a doctor, but have worked in public health in this arena for a long time. I have also been answering questions here for a long time, done a lot of research myself and tons of reading.
You came to me for help, so your health is my priority, right? In this situation, I'd be a bit hesitant about people who don't prefer to use condoms. I don't know them, don't know you. Maybe you've all known each other a long time and are really familiar with each other and know about sexual histories, etc., but given that you can not take antibiotics, it concerns me that they aren't using condoms.
Oral sex is lower risk than penetrative sex, but there is still a risk. Just be careful in the moment to not get swept up and put yourself at risk.
I want you to have fun, but really, really safe fun lol.
You came to me for help, so your health is my priority, right? In this situation, I'd be a bit hesitant about people who don't prefer to use condoms. I don't know them, don't know you. Maybe you've all known each other a long time and are really familiar with each other and know about sexual histories, etc., but given that you can not take antibiotics, it concerns me that they aren't using condoms.
Oral sex is lower risk than penetrative sex, but there is still a risk. Just be careful in the moment to not get swept up and put yourself at risk.
I want you to have fun, but really, really safe fun lol.
I really appreciate your time and concern.
Btw … does the “don’t worry about kissing” also apply if there’s rimming involved (A rims B I kiss A etc.) Same concepts of “not enough bacteria would pass into my mouth?” (I know other bacteria like giardia are possible with this.)
I do trust myself completely not to slip up in the moment. I’ve shown myself that over my past year of resisting so much I want to do with partners :/
Btw … does the “don’t worry about kissing” also apply if there’s rimming involved (A rims B I kiss A etc.) Same concepts of “not enough bacteria would pass into my mouth?” (I know other bacteria like giardia are possible with this.)
I do trust myself completely not to slip up in the moment. I’ve shown myself that over my past year of resisting so much I want to do with partners :/
Rimming can transmit that kind of bacteria, and anal to mouth can be risky. I'm not as familiar with that kind of bacteria, and transmission, so I can't say that it's safe with kissing.
Giardia can transmit by swallowing even a small amount of fecal matter, so it's not so much about infection taking root yet - it would be just what's present in the mouth when you kiss.
You've had this for a year? Can I ask what condition you have? How long are you not able to take antibiotics?
Giardia can transmit by swallowing even a small amount of fecal matter, so it's not so much about infection taking root yet - it would be just what's present in the mouth when you kiss.
You've had this for a year? Can I ask what condition you have? How long are you not able to take antibiotics?
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Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
