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Syphilis worry? Or something else
Hi. I was wondering if anyone can help or has any advice. Am i worrying unnecessarily?
I am a married man in the UK. Back in May this year I got drunk at a work do and did something stupid. For one night i got involved with a swinger who i had known for a while. she attends sex parties and does sex protected but oral without. She also has oral with women.
We did a lot of french kissing with tongues. She performed oral on me for about 10 seconds and i performed brief oral on her for about 45 seconds and analingus for anout ten seconds. I didnt notice any sores but then again i was drunk and not looking. Nothing more was done and i stopped it. Afterwards she mentioned in general conversation she had a sore throat.
A few days later i ordered an sti kit and did tests for gonorrhea, chlamidya, hiv and syphilis. i did the tests at the ten day mark.The whole episode was hugely stressing me out!
A day or two before my mouth got sore (8-10 days post exposure). On the sides like id been chewing it and also on the very tip of my tongue and also my throat was sore. This disappeared after a couple of weeks the fact i kept gargling with tcp probably didnt help. I couldnt see any real or obvious sores or lesions. couldnt see anything on the tip. Anyway a month or so later my wife complains of a sore mouth puts it down to being tired and run down and also a cold aore developson her lip and clears within a few days. I an now convinced i have contracted oral syphilis from this woman and passed it on to my wife and its causing me so much stress and anxiety.
I have had no symptoms since so no secondary symptoms, no rash no further lesions etc. I also did some research and on the UK in 2022 there were 2.2m sti screens done. Of that there were 8700 positive syphilis cases (0.04% of the screens) Of that 8700 69% were in MSM so men who have sex with men. This leaves approx 2700. I found a study saying only 14 % of primary syphilis cases present orally. 14% of 2697 = 378 ( If i was to have syphilis i am a hetro male and only presenting orally) So to summarise 378 of 2.2m is the most miniscule percentage it wont even show on a calculator as it is a small fraction
of 1%. I guess im asking the forum if my logic on associated risk is correct? And does this even sound like syphilis in the first place? I think the anxiety and guilt is probably playing a major part in this . Thanks so much for any responses. All my tests were negative at the ten day mark by the way.
I am a married man in the UK. Back in May this year I got drunk at a work do and did something stupid. For one night i got involved with a swinger who i had known for a while. she attends sex parties and does sex protected but oral without. She also has oral with women.
We did a lot of french kissing with tongues. She performed oral on me for about 10 seconds and i performed brief oral on her for about 45 seconds and analingus for anout ten seconds. I didnt notice any sores but then again i was drunk and not looking. Nothing more was done and i stopped it. Afterwards she mentioned in general conversation she had a sore throat.
A few days later i ordered an sti kit and did tests for gonorrhea, chlamidya, hiv and syphilis. i did the tests at the ten day mark.The whole episode was hugely stressing me out!
A day or two before my mouth got sore (8-10 days post exposure). On the sides like id been chewing it and also on the very tip of my tongue and also my throat was sore. This disappeared after a couple of weeks the fact i kept gargling with tcp probably didnt help. I couldnt see any real or obvious sores or lesions. couldnt see anything on the tip. Anyway a month or so later my wife complains of a sore mouth puts it down to being tired and run down and also a cold aore developson her lip and clears within a few days. I an now convinced i have contracted oral syphilis from this woman and passed it on to my wife and its causing me so much stress and anxiety.
I have had no symptoms since so no secondary symptoms, no rash no further lesions etc. I also did some research and on the UK in 2022 there were 2.2m sti screens done. Of that there were 8700 positive syphilis cases (0.04% of the screens) Of that 8700 69% were in MSM so men who have sex with men. This leaves approx 2700. I found a study saying only 14 % of primary syphilis cases present orally. 14% of 2697 = 378 ( If i was to have syphilis i am a hetro male and only presenting orally) So to summarise 378 of 2.2m is the most miniscule percentage it wont even show on a calculator as it is a small fraction
of 1%. I guess im asking the forum if my logic on associated risk is correct? And does this even sound like syphilis in the first place? I think the anxiety and guilt is probably playing a major part in this . Thanks so much for any responses. All my tests were negative at the ten day mark by the way.
COMMUNITY LEADER
And to add further to the absolutely miniscule risk, there were 67.5 million people in the UK in 2022, and of those, 8700 tested positive for syphilis.
So there's that.
You've already figured out that the chances of this being syphilis is infinitesimally low, and you've had no other symptoms. You could easily go get another test to confirm this instead of just sitting and worrying, right? It will absolutely be negative.
Syphilis sores appear at the point of infection. It would appear on your tongue, not on the sides of your mouth. If your wife got a sore, it would not be a cold sore - that's oral herpes.
So test again and put this to rest and move on with your life. Don't go outside your relationship again - no judgement - clearly, your mental health can't handle it, and lesson learned. :)
So there's that.
You've already figured out that the chances of this being syphilis is infinitesimally low, and you've had no other symptoms. You could easily go get another test to confirm this instead of just sitting and worrying, right? It will absolutely be negative.
Syphilis sores appear at the point of infection. It would appear on your tongue, not on the sides of your mouth. If your wife got a sore, it would not be a cold sore - that's oral herpes.
So test again and put this to rest and move on with your life. Don't go outside your relationship again - no judgement - clearly, your mental health can't handle it, and lesson learned. :)
8 Comments
Thankyou for this. Yes I guess it’s a mental thing I’m beating myself up for what I did and don’t want to test again for fear of it being positive but the not knowing is also horrendous. I’ll sort that. The centre of my tongue was also sore and kind of geographic but maybe that was from some other infection. And yes my wife suffers with cold sores occasionally mainly when she is tired and rundown. The only other symptom I can think of was a rash appeared a couple of months later on my torso but I was wearing a thick woollen jumper in the summer and it looked like a heat rash and went within a couple of days so I put it down to that
Why were you wearing wool in the summer?
A syphilis rash lasts for weeks, not just a couple of days.
You know that this isn't syphilis. Also, not testing doesn't make something not real. If you have covid, for example, not testing doesn't mean you don't have it.
Get therapy if you have to, but deal with this. Test and move on from it. You could have known at 6 weeks. It's now been 6+ months. Let it go. Forgive yourself, stop punishing yourself, learn your lessons, and move on.
A syphilis rash lasts for weeks, not just a couple of days.
You know that this isn't syphilis. Also, not testing doesn't make something not real. If you have covid, for example, not testing doesn't mean you don't have it.
Get therapy if you have to, but deal with this. Test and move on from it. You could have known at 6 weeks. It's now been 6+ months. Let it go. Forgive yourself, stop punishing yourself, learn your lessons, and move on.
Just another point the soreness on the side of my mouth was on my tongue. The sides of my tongue were sore like I’d been chewing them and hot food etc really played it up
Could be apthous ulcers - also known as canker sores, which can be caused from stress.
Really, just go get tested. Put this to rest. You can come back with all the different things and points and what ifs and symptoms, but a negative test will end this for you.
Really, just go get tested. Put this to rest. You can come back with all the different things and points and what ifs and symptoms, but a negative test will end this for you.
Thanks I’m ordering a kit. You think the chances are it will be negative based on what I have written? Thankyou for your support you do a great job here
Yes, I'm certain they'll be negative.
Let me know. :)
Let me know. :)
Hi Jessi. I wanted to give you a very brief update and thank you for your support and encouragement because without it I would probably have gone on with this consuming my life. The postal kits were going to take a few days to come and I couldn’t get an appt with the clinic and I wanted this sorted before the weekend so I ordered a rapid POC syphilis antibody test from a reputable company with next day delivery. I did the test and it was negative. Don’t think I need any other testing as Dr HH says these are now pretty reliable especially after the time I have that’s passed? (6 months). You might have another view. I can’t tell you how relieved I am Thankyou once again. You said it would be neg :)
I'd never argue with Dr. HHH. He's one of the best.
But really - if you're asking here, and paying to ask him, that's a sign that your anxiety is out of control. I say that with kindness and compassion. Really - therapy is a wonderful thing. It's helped me. There's no shame in it.
Allow yourself to feel better. You deserve to find peace.
I'm so glad you got your negative. :) You're welcome.
But really - if you're asking here, and paying to ask him, that's a sign that your anxiety is out of control. I say that with kindness and compassion. Really - therapy is a wonderful thing. It's helped me. There's no shame in it.
Allow yourself to feel better. You deserve to find peace.
I'm so glad you got your negative. :) You're welcome.
She gave you VERY brief oral sex. Oral sex is already low risk for STD's and 10 seconds of it is really not time for impact. You also gave her oral very briefly and anilingus. You don't mention how long but guessing brief. If you had any risk at all, it was minimal at best. And your synopsis of her sore throat and your activity and your sore throat means most likely, you just have a simple throat virus and it was given to you from her but not an std involved. Just a regular virus. That we ALL get. You did kiss which transmits cold viruses. I do agree your anxiety is playing a role here.
2 Comments
Thankyou. Yea the analingus was about ten seconds. I do absolutely need to fix the anxiety. Thankyou for your reply
Hi Guitarox quick update I did the test and it was negative. Thanks for your support. Now need to move on and learn from it.
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You are reading content posted in the STDs / STIs Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
