Hello, This is the grown up "Smog Town" need help with advancing illness
Hello. I used to come here for support when I was first diagnosed as Bipolar 1. I was 16 I believe. I used to ask a young man by the name of "paranoid cataclysm" for advice..A very active member of the forum. It has been years since we talked but I do remember that I did gain a lot of helpful insight. I am 19 now, and am taking abilify for Bipolar 1. I have been experiencing bouts of psychosis, as well. The abilify has taken away the extreme mood shifts. I am on 2mgs. However, now I am just hallucinating..I have to go back to the hospital so I can go back to work. Though I feel it will be hopless, and I very well may be schizoaffective (Dr's have been going back and forth with those two diagnosis..) I was wondering if I could talk with young adults who are high functioning...When I leave my house..the ground shifts. Shadows animate when I try to sleep. People smell..just godawful. Everything is so damn loud...Recently I smelled a mans colonge and the smell stayed in my sheets for days, my hair. I just scrubbed myself..lit insence...so unclean. I did not realize this was a delusion until I brought a friend over and the smell suddenly vanished. It was never on me at all. But all I did..was smell it.
I am rambling, its quite hard to sleep. However, I am a go getter. Being schizophrenic..it runs heavily in my family..It would ruin my life. My hallucinations, my sensitivity (hypervigalence) is just getting worse and worse..It makes me want to vomit, cry, scream.
Hell, I am young, thin, I model, I work, I help my mother, my grandma with advance stage dementia..I want to be a nurse...I cannot live with this on my shoulders. I need help. I have to go back to the hospital tomorrow. I think my apartment..the walls are trying to kill me...I am such a burden. I am expected to live sort of by myself...Make income!
Okay. Had to let that all out.
TL;DR HELP IM A 19 YEAR OLD FEMALE SCHIZOAFFECTIVE WHO USED TO HAVE A BRIGHT HEALTHY FUTURE AHEAD OF ME. ****!...****...
paranoid_cataclysm is currently closer than you might think. Hint hint. ;)
But yeah, mental illness doesn't discriminate in who it harasses. You can still have a future despite your mental illness. I've known of some cases of people even with full on schizophrenia managing to successfully pursue a career. There's a psychologist who is famous and specializes in it himself because he actually has schizophrenia. I also was accepted by the Australian government to immigrate for the time being even though they are aware I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia and I'm on disability in the US for it.
mental illness has changed my life definitely but there is tools out there like therapy: cbt relaxation techniques, meds, groups, medhelp, google to research your ilnesses ,doctors, movement specialists, psychiatrists, psychologists and counselors!
Thank you...yes. I'm still going to continue as a sales representative for an all natural vegan cosmetic company. Try to not be so paranoid. Even though I have to touch people and smell things constantly. I will push on, and if its too much. I will try to find a quieter job before I can become a full time nurse..Thats only two years. I mean, I'll get my dosage upped in a week more than likely. See how it works. But crap..Im literally walking into walls because i've got zero depth perception because of lack of sleep.. cant sleep anymore..and everything constantly..moving. Is that normal? I just wiped out into a corner because I could not detect how close I was to the corner of my entryway...
Nearly tempted to buy a sippy cup at this point. The depth perception also applies to my face..I'm not even connected to myself from the neck down as it is. I think I'll get a straw?
Heh, the sad life of being deduced to booze out of a sippy cup. What other curve balls can ya throw me?
I'm sure when they get your medication sorted, you'll be doing better. I know how it is with not being able to sleep due to the past, although lately I've fallen asleep at the drop of a hat all the time which no one I know that it impacts seems to be willing to work with for some reason.
Work with? Work with it because its almost like narcolepsy? Or...
I hate meds..So many side effects. I just took my abilify and klonipin (klonopin) combo a few hours ago. I'm not shaking nearly as bad. My visuals have even gotten better! But sadly they are trying to ween me off my klonipin (klonopin). But I stopped it for two days, because I ran out, and I was shaking and couldn't feel my legs and had my arms over my head. While my friends were just confused as all hell..I felt like a real loon.
Also, day three of this crap. No sleep in sight. My brain is like "I HATE YOU FEEL GUILTY AND BAD YOU DON'T DESERVE SLEEP YOU SICK SAD FAT WOMAN THING". Terrible things to hear. I just want to close my eyes...and drift.
It's probably central sleep apnea so I fall asleep in the car and stuff at a moment's notice. I take Abilify myself, it seems to be losing efficacy though lately but then I'm really stressed so that might be the reason for it. I've never been on Klonopin or anything related for anxiety related disorders myself, they put me on Zoloft instead for anxiety.
Yeah. If you have any history of addiction they wont put you on it. Or an overdose. Its quite hard to get. Glad you're not on it. I am chemically addicted. Its not fun. It did not happen until after nearly a year of taking it, though. So my psych is trying to ween me off. When I do sleep however, I am a whole new person. MUCH less hallucinations. None today actually. Slept 12 hrs. Woopie~
Well, I fall asleep in the car too, so...Hopefully you are not behind the wheel at these moments. Abilify...In my experience works on some days, and not others.
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