Why can't I have an orgasm?

[jenjane]

I am 17 years old and have been having sex with my boyfriend since I was 15. In all this time I have never had an orgasm. I'm starting to get a bit embarrassed about it because it upsets my boyfriend. He feels as though he has 'let me down' everytime he comes and I don't. It isn't that he's no good, or that he doesn't have the stamina; he has carried on for hours in the past to try and get me to orgasm, but it just isn't happening. I'm pretty convinced that I'm the problem. Why is this? And is there anything I can do to help myself along that doesn't involve masturbation?? Please help!

[ComputerGeek]

Anytime I have read about issues with orgasm (online or in books or magazines), the advice has ALWAYS been to try and have an orgasm on your own.  That way you get to learn about your own body.  If you are emotionally uncomfortable with that, I wonder if there is some underlying issue that may need to be resolved with the help of a counselor or therapist.

Here is a really good articule on your issue (from a UK web site, no less) -

Are you having trouble reaching orgasm? A guide for women.
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/orgasmtrouble.htm

I found that article by going to Google.com and doing a search on "Trouble having an orgasm."  If you do that, you will find a TON of free advice on the web.

[Ashlee8603]

I don't know, I read in a magazine once that some women cannot have an orgasm unless they use a vibrator. It's just that the man cannot physically move fast enough.  I understand that you may not be confortable with it, but you're still really young. As you get older you may become more open-minded. As for now, maybe you should try different positions.

[jenjane]

Sorry, I wasn't very clear about the whole masturbation thing. The point is that I don't masturbate and I don't really want to try it either. It makes me very uncomfortable emotionally. I was wondering if there was anything I could do in which I don't have to masturbate; there wouldn't be any point because I wouldn't enjoy it.

[kitson22]

well i would say that if you are able to orgasm while you're masterbating, its not that you can't have an orgasim, its just that your boyfriend might not be hitting the right spot.  try and get as familiar as you can with the areas of your vagina that make you orgasim.  next time you're having sex with your boyfriend, try to direct him to those spots and see if that helps.  many time women find it hard to orgasm when they are having sex with their partner.  so know that you aren't alone.  sometimes woman decide that they are able to reach orgasm while using toys while they are with their partner.

good luck!

kitson