He stopped wanting sex and I'm going absolutely crazy

[isistiana]

I'm 25 (female) and my fiance (male) is 30. We've been together for 9 months and are in love and very happy. We are both physically healthy and in good shape. In the beginning of our relationship, we had sex quite frequently and were always on the same page, but for the past 3 or 4 months, I am lucky if he wants to have sex with me once every 10 days. This is especially hard because I'm (obviously) attracted to him and we usually kiss and hug and cuddle throughout the day, so by the time we get into bed, I am really excited to have sex. But he usually just kisses me and says goodnight. I am starting to feel resentful and incredibly frustrated. I love him, but I simply don't understand his lack of interest, and it hurts me. I have been very honest and brought it up with him. He says that the emotional side of our relationship is more important to him, and that he's just going through a phase. We communicate very well, except when it comes to this issue, and we are very affectionate and loving towards each other.

Here are a couple issues that may or may not be related, but I am eager for feedback; though they were present during the first few months of our relationship and they certainly didn't impede our sex life at that time:

-he had an inguinal hernia from lifting weights a few years ago
-he drinks 2-3 beers every night

Any suggestions for me would be greatly appreciated. I have learned through this experience that sex in our relationship is incredibly important to me, so I am considering asking him if he'd be willing to see a relationship counselor or sex therapist if we can't work this out on our own. I am seriously desperate.

[remar]

I agree that this could be a phase he's going through. It's not uncommon for this to happen in relationships. People can have fluctuating libido's and there can be a reason or no reason. This does not mean he's still not madly in love with you, it sounds like he is. How are things going with his job, has it been more stressful lately? What about other areas of his life? Does he seem stressed? Counseling may be a good idea if your fiance would agree to it. Or, you could wait a little while to see if this problem resolves on it's own.

[isistiana]

Thanks, I appreciate your suggestions. Thankfully, he was in the mood this morning, after I was up late writing this post.

[YardBull]

Since your situation has been going on for 3 or 4 months, I can understand your concern.  He may be going through a phase, but it is lasting a while.  Since his hernia surgery was a few years ago, that should not be a factor.  The 2 or 3 beers each night sounds excessive to me, but I realize there are different habits among people.  Pornography can distract some men from the real thing if is excessive.  Your counseling thought is probably the best idea, if your discussions have not solved this for you, but he would have to agree that there is a problem that needs fixing.  Have you tried to initiate sex lately?  I wonder what would happen if you just started to give him a slow hand job to prove that his "plumbing" is working properly by seeing if he can still get an erection and then ejaculate?  Whether or not this works, will help you going forward.      

[Dalubaba]

In every one's life, there is a time when libido is low or fluctuating. Understanding and  adjusting during this phase is crucial. counseling will help to resolve your problem.