My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile. I love him more than anything in the world, but porn is a HUGE problem to me. We have had the same fight over and over again since we started dating. I was raised very humble and sheltered. I was also raised in the "Old Christian Ways. "Sex was something we just did not talk about at home. It was something quiet and discreet, that only happens between two people who are in love. Well growing up, I found out the "in love" part just wasn't the case. Anyway, ever since I found out he watched porn, it makes me feel like i'm not good enough, I don't fulfill his needs, I'm not pretty enough, or there is something wrong with me that makes him not turned on by me. We work two totally different schedules. When I leave for work, he is trying to sleep, and when he gets home, i'm passed out. The only time I really get to see him is on the weekends. In our relationship, when we are good, we are GREAT. We are the power couple that see's eye to eye about everything, but like now, i worry that he is gonna leave me. He and I are from two different worlds. Where I'm from is the Southern way of life, and he's from the North. I guess my question is, how do I cope with something like this. I'm not familiar with this kind of stuff, and I love him more than anything. He is the person i wanna be with forever.
Oh, and sometimes we will go without sex for three weeks or longer, depending on our schedule. If we see each other, we will have sex once or twice, and then go on without for three weeks. Actually, I will go without for three weeks, while he is jacking off.
His values, while perfectly fine and normal for him, are very different from yours.
Your values you were raised with were to wait to have sex after you got married. The problems you are having is because your actions, having sex before marriage, are not in agreement with what your church would recommend you do. If you met a nice Christian boy at church you would have found out if his values were like your because he didn't pressure you to have sex. That way it all would have worked out; it would have been obvious you found a nice Christian boy with values like yours. To find the right boy for you, just follow what you are supposed to do. There is no changing your current boyfriend. He's just not the right one for you and you are not right for him.
You have to compromise: you step forward halfway, and he meets you in the middle. How to do this with pornography? First you have to understand how porn works for guys. They are visually stimulated, and want to see every naked woman they can get away with looking at. It is totally NOT about anything to do with you. He's just being a guy. He does not compare you to porn-women at all, nor does he WANT to, because it is YOU he loves, not those ridiculous women in porn. All he wants there is to look. Looking is harmless. That being said, maybe you could agree that he can have his porn, as long as he keeps it totally out of your sight. My own husband does this (but with me, he doesn't have to). I looked at his phone one day and had to laugh at the ridiculous amount of near-naked women he had on there. I don't care. He isn't going to run off with any of them. He won't even have coffee alone in a nearby coffee shop with his female coworkers, who are pretty. He loves ME. I have met him for coffee, no one else. I am not a jealous woman. I don't even react if he gives another woman a once-over with his eyes. Blessings - Blu
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