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I can and I will stop masturbating!
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I can and I will stop masturbating!

Who will join me in the cause?

(Sorry if this is more partial to men than it is women.  Both genders are invited to join in the conversation, however.)

I've had a horrible history of masturbating.  I started younger than most.  I first remember experiencing an orgasm at the age of 3, while climbing a metal pole.  I found it intriguing and continued to experiment in different ways until I was about 5 years old.  From the age of 5 until I was about 10, it really started becoming a problem and I probably masturbated at least once a week, and sometimes multiple time a day.

I started trying to overcome it at the age of 14ish when I gained a love for God and his laws.  Most people will tell you that it is natural and that you shouldn't feel guilty about doing it.  But I've spent enough time getting to know God that I know that is absolutely not true.  It is wrong!  If you can't learn to control yourself now, what kind of an example will you be for your kids in the future.  I've gone for 3 months before, but then I caved.  I think as we support each other in overcoming this, we can and will.

Sperm serves no purpose in a shower drain, toilet bowl, or worse yet, as a stain in your pants or bed sheets.  It does however serve a purpose to strengthen a relationship with a spouse, and in makin' babies.  We need to become the masters of our own selves.  We need to be worthy of the women we marry, or are married to.

What have you found that has helped you overcome this addiction?

The more knowledge we collaborate, the better equipped we will be to overcome this!  Who's with me,?  Cause after 20 years, it's about time I overcome this.  I'm 23.
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492898_tn?1222247198
Maybe we should have a 'masturbation awareness day', or 'week'/'month', like 'breast cancer awareness day'/'week'/'month'.

PS: I am not an expert on masturbation!!!
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Avatar_m_tn
Ha ha.  I would have no idea as to how to go about doing something like that.  Plus, I'm horrible with advertising.  But I definitely do agree that more people need to be aware that there are other people out there that masturbate.  I thought I was just a horrible little boy that had no self control, growing up.  I didn't have the courage to bring it up to anyone until I was about 19.
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I guess this becomes a problem when it turns into an addiction, just like everything else. i don't think masturbation by itself is bad, but if you think so, I won't argue with you.

But just to let you know, one of my son's was born with an erection and both my boys have played with themselves since they were babies. I mean, every opportunity the go and when they didn't have a diaper on.

For myself, when I stop doing something...what helps the most is often when I just stop trying. It really works psychologically. kat
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PS: There is some psychological wisdom that I think applies in this situation, and with you.

They say when you want to stop something successfully, or change something, like a behavior about yourself, you first have to accept it.

Does that make sense at all?
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Avatar_m_tn
What do you mean by accepting it?

I accept the fact that I've allowed my habits to become an addiction.
I accept the fact that the body has a need to dispose of it's sperm, and do not feel guilty about nocturnal emissions.

But I do feel guilty about forcing it out for pleasure purposes.
I lack self-confidence, most likely because I am not in complete control of my actions.  I allow my addictions make some decisions for me, instead of taking control of my addictions.

I accept the fact that I have created a problem, but do not want to embrace my problem.  So, again... what do you mean by accepting it?
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492898_tn?1222247198
By 'accepting' it, I mean first of all what you already said. That you know you have this addiction. But in addiction to that, I mean accept yourself in that you have this 'weakness', or that you have allowed this to overtake you, or whatever.

It's really hard to change something if you see it as an ememy. It's the same with hating another person. it does not make you less dependent but more dependent. So what I mean is this, and I am only saying this not in judgement but to help you, and because I can see how much it is troubling you, and it is only you who can know if it's right or wrong, or a problem or not.

But to help you stop, and this has worked for me, have compassion for yourself, just like you have with others. (i.e I read your comments on the other post) Be kind with yourself, and try to work with your problem more like a friend than an enemy because this way it will be so much easier to stop, and to reach your goal.

I really wish you the best, and I am taking you very seriously. It must have been very difficult for you to be so alone with this addiction, and I am glad you are talking about it. I have never had a masturbation problem but I know addictions, and have had them often.
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PS: What has also helped many people overcome addictions is that they go down on their knees and pray to God that he may please help them overcome their addiction, and with the urge, and/or obsession.
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Avatar_m_tn
First off, thank you for your sincerity.  Thank you for your suggestions, especially since you have never had a problem with masturbation.  I agree that principle based advice is helpful for most addictions, and just because mine have been different than yours does not mean than like-principles cannot still be applied.  So thank you for your input.  

Thank you also for respecting my opinions, and for acknowledging the often misunderstood fact that what is to be wrong for one person does not necessarily need to be forced as fact upon another.  Whether something is fact or not should be learned in the person's own time and method.  So thank you for not agreeing with me, but still stating you opinion.

I like this idea of treating my addiction more as a friend than as an enemy.  I can relate to and agree with the idea that hate only fuels itself.  That was a great parallel to build off of.  That really put things into a good light for me.  But how, may I ask, do you treat something you've hated for SO long as a friend, without embracing the ill?
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Avatar_m_tn
Yes!  I've absolutely come to love prayer!  I know the power of prayer.  I know that God loves me and desires my happiness.  I would have to admit that were it not for prayer, I would not have lasted the three months I did, when I abstained from the habit.

Expressing my desires to the Lord and having the faith to do something about it after I get up off my knees has had amazing power to it.  But I must agree, that no matter how hard I try to overcome my habit, I might still fall back into it if the way I go about doing it is fallible.  That is why I like this idea of changing the way I view my advisary.  As long as he remains my advisary, I will forever battle him.  But remove the enemy, and the battle is over.  :-)  Hmmm.... yes, but how?  That's the next step.

Yes, thank you for your suggestion to pray.  Very good.
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I am too tired to think and talk clearly anymore tonight, but I hope to get back here tomorrow and to do my best in talking more about what I mean. Until then, take care of yourself..all of you, OK? Kat
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Avatar_m_tn
Hello Kat,
First let me say you could have made a mistake with the "pray to God that he may "
Could be SHE may! second thing I think
Maybe we should have a 'masturbation PARTY day :-)
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Avatar_m_tn
Kat's statement surely could be revised but for all intents and purposes I say it need no real change.  For example, a reader of the bible understands that when the text reads,

"HE that believeth on him is not condemned: but HE that believeth not is condemned already, because HE hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God." St John Ch. 3  vs.18.

We assume that the LORD is not only talking about MEN, but WOMEN also.  That is understood.  Therefore it is not necessary for it to read "He or she that believeth..."

Furthermore, Christians might also argue that Christ prayed to his FATHER.  And it would be understood that God was indeed a HE.  Not a SHE.

Jehovah Witnesses believe that Jesus Christ IS God the Father.  Making God male, also.  And teach that Jehovah is his real name.

Now, from a scholarly Jewish standpoint, one might also interpret the ancient Hebrew word, "Elohim" not to mean father only, because the term Elohim is plural... suggesting that there is both a Father, and a Mother involved- under it's true translation.  But I there are few practicing Jewish Rabbi's that will ever admit to that translation because it kind of throws their doctrine.

The Bagavita also teaches that our Godly parents are both Fatherly, and motherly.  That is why they reverence cows.  A cow provides with milk after we stop breastfeeding as infants.  Therefore, a cow should be reverenced as a mother.

But I am not here to debate the gender of God.  I believe in Jesus Christ, and reverence Him to be the God of my salvation.  Though I encourage you to believe however you desire.  And yes, you do bring up an interesting point, of which I have spent a great deal researching.  More power to ya.

As far as your suggestion goes by way of having a masturbation party... I am here to discourage the practice, inasmuch as it is an activity of indulgence, and not one of temperance.  Temperance is an attribute that I admire about Jesus Christ.  And I am trying to seek every good gift as Paul advises the Corinthians to do.  "But covet earnestly the best gifts: and yet shew I unto you a more excellent way." 1 Corinthians Ch. 12 vs 31. KJV.
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Avatar_m_tn
Forgive me if I have misunderstood your intent for the party.  The first time I read it, I thought that you were encouraging the practice.
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Avatar_m_tn
I think that a 40 day fast might do some good though.  However, instead of fasting for 40 days without food, as Gandhi did, or as Jesus Christ did...  For us addicts, we could try for a 40 day fast from indulgences... whatever our addiction may be.

We could all keep track in a little journal.  Gandhi replaced his absence of food with meditation and prayer.  So likewise, when we are tempted to indulge in our addictions, we can replace them with an act of service, or pray, or read from some kind of Holy Scripture, or recite one as the Buddhists do... and then record in our journal what we replaced our indulgences with for that day/ however many times we need to until the end of the fast.

If we relapse, we can record the reason why, and continue our fast.  Even if we are not able to overcome it this time around, we will have a better idea as to how to best it in the future...

Then we could report back here with our progresses... or create another Journal for that purpose.  Sweet!  I'm excited.  Who's with me?  Remember, it doesn't have to be masturbation only.  It can be for pornography, drugs, or any kind of addiction.
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Avatar_m_tn
I was just adding a little humor!
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Avatar_m_tn
Lol.  My bad.  Ha ha.  Guess I really could learn to loosen up about it, eh?  Ha ha.  Good deal.  But you have to admit, I was on a roll there for being serious.  :-)  Thanks for sparking the idea anyway.
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Avatar_n_tn
I don't know if you're serious about your post,but nonetheless I will tell you I am a woman, I am 20, and the story of your childhood is exactly like mine. I began masturbating at about 2 or 3 and it did seem to me even then to be somewhat wrong. A healthy child won't really know about those things, especially so young. I had no self control and I simply had to masturbate several times a day everyday. I was occasionally sexually involved (anything but actual intercourse) with other children too, girls and boys. It was very much like an addiction. Just like you, at 14 or so, I stopped masturbating because I could no longer live with the guilt I felt after every orgasm. Soon, I resumed and realized I was maybe just "born" differently. I don't think you should stop, but moderation is always a good idea when it comes to guilty pleasures. Have you had sex though?? If not, that might be the problem.I am in a committed relationship, and all the sexual energy I would otherwise spend on myself goes into planning great sex, anytime I want (one of the perks of marriage:). This includes multiple partners, fantasy role play etc., so once you are committed redirect your sexual advantage to benefit your sex life (make it work for you). Enjoy sex, even taboo sex, it makes you feel good, gives you confidence, and certainly makes me feel like a walking work of art. :D
Oh, I grew up in a religiously strict household (Jehova's witnesess) and it contributed to my guilt so I have done away with religion alltogether. Also, I would like to clarify that JW's do not believe Jesus is the father at all, they deny the holy trinity, Jehova is the father (God), Jesus is the son. The Holy trinity doctrine of the CHRISTIAN sect states that they are all one.
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Let me answer for iwillwinthebattle, here. Yes, this young man is very serious. At the very first, I was also taken aback a little bit, and also trying to insert some humor, like DD.

But very soon after that, I realized that this young man was communicating a lot more than just a religious taboo about masturbation, and dogmatic beliefs.

I mean, this young man I think is a delightful, and hardly 'narrow-minded' person.  I would be proud if he was my son.

He thinks seriously, and he listens seriously. he knows how to spell, is thoughtful and intelligent, and he has a sense of humor.

I changed my whole attitude, and sincerely, just because of 'him', and not because of the subject, per se.
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you: ' But how, may I ask, do you treat something you've hated for SO long as a friend, without embracing the ill?'

You start thinking/exploring the addiction in a different light. You start asking yourself, in what ways has 'masturbation' served you, and/or helped you? How has it been a friend rather than just an enemy. it's your hand, and you that does it, and I don't believe for a moment that you did/do it to hurt yourself, or that any part of you is evil.

After a time, you started hating it for various reasons, and you started seeing it as your enemy, mostly because you felt helpless, and out of control, and that 'this thing' had power over you and was just bad. But just as with drugs, if we don't look at the reasons they served us, and just hate all of it, then how can we really stop?

I don't think your hand is bad, or your sperm, or anything about it, except that it has started hurting you, and that you want to stop, and you hate it because of that.

You must look at this as something that was trying to help you in some way, and forgive yourself, and not hate 'masturbation'.
masturbation no longer serves you, and you don't think it's right, or good for you, or that it is controlling you, and all that. I believe all about what you are saying, but for that you don't have to hate it or hate yourself. This was such a big part of your life.

I would say something to the 'masturbator' like the following, and I mean really say those words, if quietly.

"Thank you for your trying to help me in some way for all these years. I understand that there was some reason for this... but now i want to ask you to leave, and leave me alone because I have outgrown you and you are no longer serving me"

And yes, you will surely, maybe not, relapse, or it will happen again. but if that happens you forgive yourself again and don't try to punish yourself. I mean, god did give you the sperm and the penis and your hand for a reason, and you had no instructions as a young boy.

tell yourself that it didn't hurt anyone by going down the shower. it's not like you got a girl pregnant. This was your body, and it should be your friend. but now, you tell it, you no longer need or want it.

I am not sure exactly what is best for you..just trying to get the idea across. kat
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Avatar_m_tn
First off, may I apologize for the misinformation I provided about what Jehovah Witnesses believe.  My sincere mistake.  I stand corrected.  The reason behind my misinformation originated from my own personal understanding of Jesus Christ.  Unlike popular Christianity, my study of the Bible has caused me also to believe that God the Father, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, are indeed, separate and distinct persons.  I believe that they are one in purpose and doctrine, but not in person.  Furthermore, it is my belief that Jesus Christ is Jehovah, the God of the Old Testament.  This is where my opinion differs from that of the Jehovah Witness' faith.  Herein lies the difference: He is the Father of my salvation and spiritual rebirth, but not, however, the Father of my spirit.  For this purpose I have confused the doctrine and provided misinformation. I say so, not to debate the true character of God but here again, to clarify the reason for my misinformation.

Secondly, I want to thank you for sharing your opinion and life experiences.  I appreciate your conviction and encouragement toward moderation.  I admire you for your honesty in living a non-hypocritical life.

In answer to your question, no, I have not had sex.  I am, in fact, still a virgin.  And I admit, remaining so, has much to do with my current addiction.  But it is my sincerest desire to enjoy absolute fidelity with and complete commitment to, the virtuous woman I will someday marry.

When I masturbate, I serve only myself.  When all is said and done, my guilt is not so much in the act of masturbation, but in the betrayal of my sincere desires.  Once I have learned to control myself, then, and only then will I be able to WHOLLY give myself wholly to another.  For this reason, I will admit that masturbation may not be wrong for some, but it is not wholly correct.  For me, masturbation is wrong, inasmuch as I feel I have been shown a more perfect way.  Or in other words, I know masturbation is wrong, for me, because I know better.

Thank you again for your words, Daslicht.  Even as Kat has expressed that she accepts me for who I am, and not because of circumstantial bias, so likewise, I accept you for who you are.  Your comments are welcome at anytime in this journal.
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Avatar_m_tn
Yet again, another fantastic and most helpful post from the knowledgeable, Katarina.  Thank you for answering for me.  Your courtesy piercing accuracy is very much appreciated.  You understand me well for how short our acquaintance has been.  May I also compliment you for listen seriously, and responding seriously.  Your posts have become treasures to me.  And if you don't mind me returning the honor, I would be proud to be called your son.  No offense, I'd never trade you for my mother. :D  Ha ha!  I love my mother more than anything.  She's fantastic.  But I will be forever indebted to you for your willingness to share your unbiased wisdom and experience.

I don't know if you can understand how much your clear answer to my question has helped me.  It's funny how one simple change in perspective can open up a myriad of new possibilities to the human mind.  So much more about what I've been struggling with has been made clear.  I feel that I have a fuller understanding of my circumstance, and a clearer vision as to how I can go about correcting it.  Then again, that may have been obvious to you, if you have read my response to Daslicht.  I cannot thank you enough.

I hope that you will continue to follow my journal, to see my progression.  Thank you again for your input.  You are a true friend.
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Avatar_m_tn
deepdiver!  I don't know if you've still been following my posts...  I mean, I don't understand why you would.  It's serious in thought, perhaps even tedious to read, and altogether unusual, and uncommon.  But if you have, for your sake, allow me to add a bit of humor.  In summary, I have found, that for me... justification is like masturbation.  I'm only screwing myself!  Ha ha ha!

Thank you for your comments, deepdiver.  I appreciate your efforts to lighten the mood.  :-)
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Masturbation is healthy. When you habitually masturbate i think it is a way to cope with the stress in your life. It is something you have been doing all your life and is normal to you. There is nothing wrong with masturbation, You say you want to stop because your God says you can't do it. In fact, there is nothing in the bible that says u cant masturbate. It says you shouldn't spill your seed upon the earth. I'm an agnostic, however I have read the bible 3 times cover to cover. I am not here to put down your religion but if your going by that law u should be getting a baby every year. I bet you use condoms during intercourse, and most have spermacides in them. I guess what i am trying to say is that if you want to follow your lord you ethier need to stop having intercourse or start ejaculating inside your spouse from now on. The lord knows you are a sinner man, he or she or it doesn't care. There is a reason you get pleasure out of masturbation and sex, don't take that away from yourself. When i am stressed i like to kick back and smoke a couple joints, Im not allowed to do that by the governments law. Your addiction is legal, don't stop for a man made religion.(I don't say that to offend you, but i think if you are this serious about your faith then you should look into the origins of christanity you may be surprised at what you find.)

P.S. You also need to stop lying. God doesn't like liars, but we all do it.
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You know, I think it's perfectly OK that you are honestly stating your opinion. However, I don't think it is helpful to give advice, and state your opinion if you have not even read the post, and/or listened to much of anything  IWWTB has said.

He is not having intercourse, and he is not using condoms, and he doesn't even have a lover and he is still a virgin.

So, nothing you are saying is in the least bit helpful in this case, because your statement is worst than 'general'. You are completely misquoting and misunderstanding anything this is about.  (certainly not about lying!)
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Avatar_f_tn
Hello guys. I understand the feeling of those who are really addicted into it. I experienced exactly the same for many years but now found my self FREE. Tell u my story. I'm a woman in 23. Honestly, I had started to get this urge when I was 7 yrs old I (too young!) until I got 19. I never liked watching porns but I'd feel very satisfied whenever I touch myself. But when I get older, I feel this disturbing. I hated myself & oftentimes, I condemned myself why am i such a horny. No one knows I'm like that cuz I'm shy to open this to anyone. Cuz all people respect me & I'm one of the top students in the school. I keep asking God to take it away from me but nothing happened. Until I got to the university where most of my classmates were Christian. They keep inviting me to their church but oftenly refused them. It's annoying but I tried to accept their invitation thinking that they would stop begging me to come if I did. I came to their 3 day youth camp. Thought it'd be boring but wow it was awesomely powerful!! Their pastors were preaching about important topics in life such as Sexuality, Relationship, Family, etc. using the word of God. I don't mean to sound religious here but it was just an amazing experience! They had a program of breaking the curses in our loves and I included my addiction in 'masturbation'. And I prayed to God to break it... I felt Jesus warmth my heart that day. After the camp, my addiction was still there but I kept declaring that Jesus loves me and He is very willing to clean me. As I holding on to my relationship with Jesus, He slowly make me understand that my body is His 'temple' and will always be pure. My addiction quickly degrades. Just after 2 months from the camp day, my addiction was completely gone!! That curse was totally destroyed!! I decided to stop having sexual relationship with my bf as well that days. Until now, that spirit of addiction has never got back! It was a big miracle for me. The 12 year addiction seemed like a mental problem for me but I never consulted a psychiatric. But only Jesus!!! He's the only key-holder of the chains and bondage in our hearts.. He died and resurrected, so that he can demostrate to the world that God Himself can heal and receive u whoever u are! So I hope & pray that u would encounter Jesus in any moment of your life from now on. To give u freedom!! Godbless. :)
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