I have been masterbating since I was 4 or 5 years old... Those are some of my earliest memories of hiding what I was doing. I am 19 now. I can masterbate and climax atleast 20 times a day if I do not control myself... I've limited myself to 7 or 8 times a day, or atleast try to... I have been raised religiously, and yes my thoughts do agree with what I am doing is wrong. And we can debate over whether or not it is health wise or whatever, but thats not the issue at hand at the moment. I do not need pornography or to fantisize. I normally do it in the mornings, before bed, showers, or anywhere I choose really. I know some suggestions as to stopping.. Like keep your hands busy, try not to think about it, read a book, distract yourself, ect.... The problem is... It does distrack me... but only for a time being. Then my body CRAVES it... If I allow several days to pass, even a month I become distant, emotional, horny (of course lol), mean, moody, cranky, STRESSED OUT, and easily irritated. But on the other hand, I feel its wrong, so I stress myself out in that aspect too...
A few more things about myself... I'm a habitual liar, which I'm sure has stemmed from my hiding my mb problem. I started looking at pornography when I was 10years old. I am female. I have no recollection of ever being sexually abused as a child. I come from a very good home, my mother and father have been happily married for 45years. I am a late child. My sister and I are 22years apart, my eldest brother and I are 20 years apart and my other brother and I are 8years apart... I have good relationships with all of them... I've had my ups and downs with my parents (what teenager or young adult doesnt)... I'm well educated and well liked. I have VERY low self esteem. I have a indescribable need to have every male like me, or love me. I dont ever hold grudges, I am overly trusting. I have a difficult time sleeping at night, and sleep alot of my days away. I am overweight, and that has always been a hard issue with me.
Growing up I was a bully, and a mean child, I was rude and hurtful... I look back on my past and hate myself for it, and honestly dont know why I was like that.... My concious is seared almost to the point of nonexistence, I only feel regret, remorse, and acknowledgement of wrong doings after the fact. I don't recall a time in my life where the little voice has popped in my head and said NO! DONT DO THAT! ITS WRONG!= BEFORE doing something I shouldnt.
I want an answer... I dont want to be this way anymore :(