We had a good sex life before I moved in with him. Then it got less and less between sex times. It isn't me, I get hit on all the time. For 5 years I have gone without sex. I am married to him. He can't get hard. I looked in his computer and got a shock. BONDAGE!! both sexes. we did do a little role playing but not to the degree he's looking at and it's something I would never feel comfortable. I don't know what to do. I can't cheat, if he found out, he would be hurt. I've tried everything to get him excited and nothing works. He asked me to beat him with a whip, to chain him up, and I can't do that to him. I love him and can't hurt someone I love. I can stand in front of him naked ( I weigh 112, 5'1", and have D cups) I get hit on a lot. I can't get a rise out of him. He also doesn't hug or kiss me anymore. If I was to go hug him, he tells me " Your clingy today". It's true women have needs to guys! any suggestions? any help? is he gay? help!!
So would you cheat if you could do it in a way that he'd for sure NOT find out? That's what I took away from your "I can't cheat..." comment.
As for your husbands sexual appetites, that's a tough one. You 2 quite obviously are from two completely differing school's of thought on what you want and need out of a sexual partner.
-You: don't mind a little kink here and there, but are more main-stream and somewhat "vanilla".
-He: wants a lot of kink, not-main-stream and NEEDS it in order to get any sort of sexual satisfaction.
Unless you can find some sort of 'grey' area between your black-and-white worlds, I'm not certain there's much that can be done about this. Then again, I'm not an expert and have no personal experience here, and am just giving my unprofessional opinion.
Couple of questions:
1) How long have you guys been married?
2) Did he exhibit any signs of this prior to getting married, or during the times when you guys WERE sexually active?
3) Would you both be okay with having an "open relationship" (where he's free to go 'out' and explore his sexual appetites as he pleases, and you yours)?
4) Have you guys ever openly discussed your sexual desires, fantasies, wants, needs, etc?
Please understand that I'm not necessarily pointing you in any particular direction, or saying it's okay or not okay to do what I've written above... I'm just trying to get a better idea of what sort of boundaries you guys have.
Hopefully someone with some personal experience with this sort of thing will post a more helpful reply than what I've given you.
I can't cheat because I tried. I couldn't go through with it. I took my vows seriously. We have been together 10 years, married 7 of them. 4 of them where great. Later I found out he was using Viagra to help get him there. He had a few little kinks before we got married but nothing to this level. These sites the men and women were bleeding from the beatings.
I mentioned open marriage once. He said NO, Nobody is going to touch what is mine. I gave him a weird look and said I belong to me and we left it there. I have tried to talk to him, but then he yells at me about being dysfunctional. I never said that, all I said was maybe we could talk and if necessary see a Dr. That sent him off the edge. If I bring sex up, there is hell to pay. He verbally tears me apart. Makes me feel like crap.
Frankly, it sounds like it is time to make a dignified exit. It sounds like you are miles and miles apart sexually and he is not willing to take any actions to meet in the middle.
Given that he said "nobody is going to touch what is mine," and is into bondage pix that involve bleeding, I would try not only to make a dignified exit, but a safe one. Seriously, there are too many women harmed by men they are trying to leave.
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