My would rather masterbate than have sex with me.

[nyjune]

We have been together for almost 4 years. He has what he calls a "boot fetish".  He has at least 250 pics of women in boots (fully dressed).  Sex has been an issue for a very long time. He wants me to be his boot mistress (dominatrix).  I have accommodated him the best I can.  I am way out of my comfort zone.  I own 4 pairs of leather boots now and many outfits.  He wants me to control and degrade him.  I am a passive kind of person and find it difficult to do.  We never have intercourse.  I take care of him and after he climaxes he then takes care of me (fingering and rubbing).  I do climax, but it is only 3 times a month.  The rest of the time he masturbates. I know he is because he will do it in bed right next to me like I'm not there.  If I move or make a sound he pretends to be asleep.  I have talked to him about and he denies it and said he must be doing it in his sleep.  He is a great guy and tells me everyday that he loves me.  He claims to have ED as the reason we don't have intercourse.  He said he is going to buy a dildo that he puts over himself so we can, but he hasn't done that yet.  I feel that I have bent over backwards for him sexually.  We always have to have the boots in the bed with us when we do have relations.  I am at a loss of what to do.  I love him, but not sure I believe he is "in" love with me. I think he is in love with our situation and not so much me.    

[nyjune]

We spoke yesterday and he deleted all the pics in front of me. He said he will order the dildo.  He said I have been imagining things about the masturbation. I explained to him that if I am it is because I am feeling neglected.  We discussed about changing things up.  He said he loves me and wants me to be happy.

[clement4now]

I'm glad you were able to discuss things openly w/him.  Make sure he follows through on his words to you; that will be the real proof that he's serious about what he says.
Take Care

[clement4now]

Hello,

First let me say this, never compromise your comfort level and principles for another persons pleasure ~ your self respect is far more valuable than any relationship.  Second, it's time to ask yourself: what exactly are you getting out of this relationship, if you aren't being completely satisfied? Sexual intimacy is an important part of most relationships because that's how they deepen and grow.  I understand that he has ED, but what has kept him from making good on his promise about buying a dildo? Do you think he has become complacent and lazy? Personally, I wouldn't put up with his pretending to be asleep behavior; he sounds very selfish when it comes to acknowledging you...

It does sound like you're meeting his needs and wants. Think about this; are you sacrificing your sexual needs for the sake of your partner's?  If so, you need to have a conversation w/ your boyfriend about how all of this makes you feel. Bottom line, be as honest as possible about what you like, and what you dislike about your sex life with him. You need to figure out if this works for both of you, or not.  It won't work if it's one sided.  If he can't meet you half way, then why spend any more time in this relationship?  Healthy relationships thrive on mutual satisfaction and honesty ;)

Stay Strong & Good Luck