Paraniod

[thomas21]

Hi, I am a 21 year old male. I recently broke up with my girlfriend (3 months ago) and haven't had sex for 4 months (which is a big deal to me). I have become increasingly frustrated sexually and don't know how to feel anymore. the problem you see is that after me and my girlfriend broke up we began to see each other on and off again (try to save the relationship and what not). I haven't touched another women while we have separated until recently (in the last few weeks, & only kisses) and every time I have done I feel huge guilt and shame. But now this is were things get interesting. Last weekend I was out with a couple of my friends because the misses was out and getting absolutely smashed, I was going to stay in but the thought of her out and about getting drunk put me in a spiral of resentment. anyway, like i said i was out with a couple of friends, after we finished in the bars we headed back to my friends house and got really really drunk… to the point were I can't really remember that much. Now this is the problem. One friend left and then me and the other carried on to the early hours… like i said I was very drunk, so drunk I became very upset about my situation with my misses, my friend told me he knew what to do help… so i asked what then he gave me oral… it wasn't for long (about a minute) until I came back to my sense and told him to stop. i told him to go to bed and crashed on his couch. In the morning we talked about what happened and he said that we should forget about what happened… but because of what has happened though I feel really bad… like I'm embarrassed with myself for letting this happen (oh F.Y.I i didn't know he was gay until this night, he never told any one) now i have gone into a shame spiral because I feel so cheap and dirty because of my own in-ability to control my drinking and my emotions, it might ruin our friendship. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against gay man, but being a straight man it has kind of tainted, or at least feels that way on my side a good friendship. Now I don't know what to do… I don't want any one finding out about this because I know what my friends are like (very homophobic) and would ridicule us both for what had happened, plus I know i would lose my girlfriend if this got out. so please help! i am stupidly paranoid about this, i don't want him to feel pressured into saying he is gay to the world and at the same time don't want people to think that i am gay (even though it was a drunken mistake). So do i talk to my friend, explain how i feel to him, leave it alone and carry on with the way things are, or just don't see him for awhile? please any advice will help me out a-lot. I am racking my brains on what to do. thanks!

[Mistakeguy789]

I agree with Jhnmarton.  You need to look at the side of he doesn't want anyone to know.  Chances are in a drunken state as you both were nothing will be mentioned.  Just leave it a lone and don't discuss it.  It was for both of you a weak state and no harm came of it.  Your friendship is your choice but I think he will respect your privacy and your not wanting anyone to know. If you feel the need to remind him of such do it tactfully and explain to him.

[Jhnmarton]

One of my very close friends is also gay and it was a shock when he had told me about it. I had resolved the issue without any extreme measures. I just thought that firstly it is completely ok to choose what you want and who you want in your life and secondly he is my friend and he will always be my friend, so I didnt change anything about our friendship and it worked perfectly as we are still keeping contact and his little secret which he didnt want to tell anyone is completely safe with me.

So my advise would be dont speak on the topic to anyone else and just forget about it as there is nothing to solve here.